Saturday, October 11, 2014
Will We Ever Find a Way to Say Something Sarcastic?
At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if The Blower would be celebrating National Sarcasm Month this October. “I’m not sure if we ever could say sarcastic things about people,” Kane replied, “since we’ve always prided ourselves on telling the Absolute Truth,” especially since our Garrulous Grammarian says using sarcastic language is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.
- SARCASM FOR DUMMIES says when somebody asks you a question, first think of an honest answer. Then think of the opposite of it. T hen say it out loud and roll your eyes. See how easy that is?
OUR EGREGIOUS ETYMOLOGIST says anyone who has suffered from the sarcastic remarks of others will not be too surprised to learn that sarcasm, “a cutting remark,” comes from a Greek verb, sarkazein, that literally means “to tear flesh like a dog.”- OUR SARCASTIC QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE says Stephen Bishop must’ve been thinking about the Obama Administration when he said, “It’s a catastrophic success.”
- BARACK OBAMA, WARRIOR PRESIDENT says he’d rather be dealing all of his crises and scandals than attending DNC Fundraisers.
- WHISTLEBLOWER POLLSTER RON RASMUSSEN says with only 24 more days until the midterm elections, “Americans believe candidates don’t need to resort to criticizing their opponents and producing negative campaign ads to win an election.” No sarcasm there!
- OHIO GOP GOVERNOR KASICH-TAYLOR says he really doesn’t care that our Clermont County Cronies took his name off their Special Ballot.
- YOUR LONG WAIT IS FINALLY OVER: That League of Women Vipers video of Tuesday’s Joint Press Conference in Anderson with a Biased Liberal Moderator and questions given to the candidates in advance is now available. Shane Reinert at Anderson Community Cable TV says, “Thanks for requesting it,” especially since he had to stay up all night putting it together so our thousands of readers who didn’t give a crap about it in the first place could now see it here on YouTube.
Metro Mole says everybody will want to watch just to see if Wedgie Washburn says anything about all those Forlorn Fishwrappers about to be out on the street before Christmastime this year.
CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET says he’s really surprised there were no riots over Ditzy DemocRAT Juvie Judge Traci Hunter’s verdict this afternoon.- THE SOUL FOOD SIX (Clown-sale Members Wendell Young, Charlie Winburn, rich heiress boy Alexander Paul George Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin’, and Cecil Thomas), couldn’t wait to rush to microphones and applaud Deadbeat Liz Rogers’s latest scam, especially after Mahogany’s misled-and-deceived owner told Cincinnati’s new City Mangler Harry Black to “Kiss her grits.”
- TEMPORARY WORKERS AT THE HAMILTON COUNTY BOARD OF ELECTIONS were amazed at how many people were lined up around the block in the rain before 8:30 AM Tuesday morning to vote early and often in the 2014 Elections.
- AMAZED ANDERSONIANS are really surprised there are no letters or columns in the Forest Hills Urinal opposing the Forrest Gump School Board’s $103 million building bond issue on the November ballot that would increase everybody’s property taxes by hundreds and thousands of dollars.
WYOMING HOTTIE “VIVACIOUS VICKI” ZWISSLER says she’s really doesn’t like it when The Blower keeps showing that viral “Pretty Wedding Dress” TV Commercial she can’t wait to tell people about on Facebook.- DISINGENUOUS DEMOCRAT CHARLIE LUKEN is fooling everybody into thinking he’s really a “Conservative” with his “Luken for Probate Judge” signs.
- MEANWHILE, REPUBLICANS FOR WINKLER ask “What’s the difference between Charlie Luken and an attorney? The attorney has passed a bar.”
- SODOMY RITES ACTIVISTS BEN DOVER AND PHIL MCKREVIS say The Fishwrap hasn’t published nearly enough puff pieces about local gay and lesbian candidates prancing for office in this year’s election.
ALL THOSE DUMBED-DOWN, SELF-ABSORBED, MEDIA-INFLUENCED, CELEBRITY-OBSESSED, POLITICALLY-CORRECT, UNINFORMED, SHORT-ATTENTION-SPAN, FREE-STUFF GRABBING, LOW-INFORMATION OBAMA SUPPORTERS WHO PUT OBAMA IN THE WHITE HOUSE—TWICE, really care about Obama’s latest scandal, where the hell it is.- CINCINNATI POLICE CHIEF JEFFREY BLACKWELL says he hasn’t demoted every CPD officer who failed to salute him and say “Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Three Bags full.”
- DITZY DEMOCRAT BLUEGRASS SENATE CANDIDATE ALISON WONDERGAMS GRIMES says she doesn’t mind how many times the Louisville Courier-Journal editorial board asked her how many times she voted for Obama.
- COLLEGE DEMOCRATS canvassing in Kentucky had to remember to cover up their Obama T-shirts while campaigning for Alison.
- NATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH says he plans to hold a fund-raiser for Hillary
amid his Mobile Home Park sewage and stench when she comes to Kentucky to campaign for Alison. - DEMOCRAT DOMINATRIX KATHY GROOB says she really sorry she called Bitch McConnell’s wife a “chink.”
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says Persons of Consequence who are permitted to subscribe to The Blower would really know if tomorrow is the real date in 1492 when Columbus discovered America.
- FINALLY, ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS says this is one of the best e-ditions of The Blower he’s ever read.
The Sarcasm Society* says
There is nothing more beautiful than sarcasm. That is definitely an overstatement but it should balance the moronic comment which says that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. Now, whoever made that statement was desperately in need of a rectal broomstick extraction procedure.
Sarcasm usually requires a quick wit, and the ability to extract the minutest points of weakness in a conversation. So it is quite unlikely that it is the lowest form of humor as some would like to call it. Perhaps not being able to enjoy sarcasm is directly related to not having the ability to come up with sarcastic comments, which in turn creates a feeling of inadequacy, which in turn can spawn a Napoleon complex, that can cause someone to logicise that sarcasm is the humor of the stupid.
Now I know what most of you are going to say, and I cannot wait to hear from each and every one of you.
*It is really just one guy.
TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” WINNER is
Hollywood Moonbat Gwyneth Paltrow, who concluded her introductory remarks about Obama at a star studded fundraiser held in the backyard of her upscale Brentwood home in Los Angeles, saying that she was turning the microphone over to him because “you’re so handsome that I can’t speak properly.”
SARCASM ALERT HOTLINE
e-mail your cutting comments today.
Some really sarcastic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really sarcastic subscribers.
More Sarcastic E-Cards
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
How to be Sarcastic
PLUS
The most sarcastic line ever
(Sent in by The Sarcasm Society, because they really value your opinion.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
This week’s report from The Patronage has been delayed, because Commissioners Pilfer, Filch, and Swindle are currently breaking the Sunshine Law and are engaged in an illegal meeting where county business is being discussed. Check back later. The Blower will bring you’re their report as soon as it becomes available.
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