Friday, October 10, 2014
Why Voters Ignore Debates to Decide
For years The Blower has been telling you those over-hypes spectacles you see on TV are not “debates.” At best, those media circuses most people didn’t watch on TV this week put on by The League of Women Vipers were Joint Press Conference with a Biased Liberal Moderator and questions given to the candidates in advance. No wonder TEA Partiers say Vipers Debates have become the “Common Core of Politics.” So much for spontaneity!
Hurley the Historian says no wonder Lincoln, Douglas, Kennedy, and Nixon will all be spinning in their graves. And that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Roman poet Juvenal’s: “Two things only the people actually desire: bread and circuses.”
According to Wikipedia, “Bread and circuses” (or Bread and games) (from Latin: panem et circenses) is an ancient Roman metaphor for people choosing food and fun over freedom. It often appears in commentary that accuses people of giving up their civic duty and following whichever political leader offers to satisfy their decadent desires.
That’s why not even those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, even bothered to tune in.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Well-Known Master Debater Loquacious Tadwell, who says the candidates’ responses in those so-called Brinkman-Otis and Windbag-Thomas “debates” you saw on TV this week were nothing more than memorized talking points.
Which is why The Blower is honored to choose the celebrated Headmaster Debater from the American Parliamentary Debate Association, teaching proper political debate procedures to serious students of debate for fun and profit, to be this week’s guest editor and choose three non-debatable items plus a non-debatable Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors that you probably won’t see reported in your Morning Fishwrap.
- IN MY DAY, LOOTING ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING by Raymond Hinton
I look at the events unfolding in Ferguson, Missouri, and I just shake my head. Youngsters have no respect for the art of forming a mob, breaking into a business, loading your arms with as many goods as you can carry, then fleeing — all in the name of political dissatisfaction. In my day, looting actually meant something.
When I was a young man growing up disaffected and angry in Los Angeles in the 1960s, I realized systemic racism was to blame for many of my community’s ills, and my friends and I would spend hours each night engaged in heated debate about how to best express our frustration. I clearly remember the night we developed — with no small degree of trepidation, mind you, for we knew very well the gravity of our discourse — a new, meaningful mode of political dissent.
Much as a Buddhist might set himself on fire to protest the treatment of his community, we decided we could set fire to our entire community, rampage the very shops we relied on, our own shops, owned by our neighbors and family members. The poetry of such an act could not be misunderstood. The hand that strikes itself is the angriest.
When the time was right and riots broke out in Watts, we engaged thusly, looting with moral certainty, successfully garnering the national attention our poverty and hopelessness deserved. We were no longer “angry youth,” but rather we were “looters,” a force with which to be reckoned. To the establishment we said, “You can no longer hurt us, for we are hurting ourselves.”
Such political dissent was employed sporadically in the subsequent decades, from the LA Riots in 1992, to the Seattle WTO Riots in 1999, and afterwards — always with the clear implication that the act of looting is a symbolic act, an act of self-sacrifice. Looters were not stealing to get things for free; they were stealing to say to the world, “Hey, it’s about time you looked at us, and if I have to carry a heavy, brand-new 42-inch TV halfway across town to prove it, by golly, I will.”
Youngsters today have it all wrong. If you watch any of the looting footage from Ferguson, the teenagers making off with boxes of Nikes or handfuls of beer and cigarillos are running with impish grins on their faces, looking like damn mice when the cat’s away. They do not respect the solemnity of their task. They act like looting is one big joke.
Even worse, some of the looters are covering their faces as if to say, “What I am doing is wrong, and I am therefore too ashamed to let people see my identity.” I know this because I’ve seen the videos of youngsters foolishing pulling their shirts over their heads as they dart into a Quikie Mart, only to emerge a moment later with nothing more than a bag of Starburst candies and a Monster energy drink. Pathetic.
It’s a shame what looting has become. I call on all the looters, rioters and vandals of Ferguson to raise your chins, reclaim your nobility, and say, “This is not funny, nor is it mere opportunistic hooliganism. This actually means something.”
- TRUE GUN CONTROL By Our Right Wing Gun Nut
We could eliminate 86% of homicides with guns if we just took them away from Blacks who constitute about 14% of the U.S. population. This statistical fact somehow never gets to be newsworthy. Just another “unjustly treated person of color who was maligned in some manner by society that justifies the mass killing of those who weren’t even aware this guy existed.'” What the hell do they expect? We can’t make them ALL President!
Not only that, you know my fellow gun owners and I are responsible for all the carnage in our streets and our schools.
Never mind that Ted Kennedy’s car killed more people with his car than my entire collection of firearms. Most of which I have owned since childhood when I saved my pennies and nickels in order to purchase them and each and everyone is in perfect working order. But it’s the responsible gun owners of today who are being blamed for all the shootings. Obama calls us Right-Wing Gun Nuts, clinging to our guns and to our religion.
But let’s take a little closer look. The Fort Hood shooter was a Muslim, and a registered DemocRAT.
The Virginia Tech shooter wrote hate mail to George Bush and his staff and was a registered DemocRAT.
The Aurora Colorado shooter was a staff worker on the Obama campaign and took part in Occupy Wall Street. He was a Progressive Liberal and guess what—a registered DemocRAT.
The Newtown, Connecticut shooter hated Christians and was a registered DemocRAT.
The Columbine high school shooters were too young to vote, but both of their families were Progressive Liberals and registered DemocRATS.
And one more thing, not a single one of these killers was a member of the National Rifle Association.
So I have got it figured out how to make this country much safer; leave the guns alone and lock up all the Registered DemocRATS.
- MASSACHUSETTS SUPREME COURT ORDERS ALL CITIZENS TO GAY MARRY, Stolen from The Onion by Phil Burr-Ass
BOSTON—Justices of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled 5-2 Monday in favor of full, equal, and mandatory gay marriages for all citizens. The order nullifies all pre-existing heterosexual marriages and lays the groundwork for the 2.4 million compulsory same-sex marriages that will take place in the state by May 15.
A justice performs a mandatory marriage.
“As we are all aware, it’s simply not possible for gay marriage and heterosexual marriage to co-exist,” Massachusetts Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall said. “Our ruling in November was just the first step toward creating an all-gay Massachusetts.”
Marshall added: “Since the allowance of gay marriage undermines heterosexual unions, we decided to work a few steps ahead and strike down opposite-sex unions altogether.”
Marshall said the court’s action will put a swift end to the mounting debate.
“Instead of spending months or even years volleying this thing back and forth, we thought we might as well just cut to the eventual outcome of our decision to allow gay marriages,” Marshall said. “Clearly, this is where this all was headed anyway.”
The justices then congratulated the state’s 4.8 million marriage-age residents on their legally mandated engagements.
The court issued the surprise order in response to a query from the Massachusetts Senate over whether Vermont-style civil unions, which convey the state-sanctioned benefits of marriage but not the title, are constitutional.
“If the history of our nation has demonstrated anything, it’s that separate is never equal,” Marshall said. “Therefore, any measure short of dismantling conventional matrimony and mandating the immediate homosexual marriage of all residents of Massachusetts would dishonor same-sex unions. I’m confident that this measure will be seen by all right-thinking people as the only solution to our state’s, and indeed America’s, ongoing marriage controversy.”
Marshall then announced her engagement to Holyoke kindergarten teacher Betsy Peterson, a pairing that had been randomly generated by computers in the census office earlier that day.
A state-arranged couple from New Bedford, MA, honeymoons in Aruba.
Those who don’t choose to marry in private will be married in concurrent mass ceremonies at Fenway Park, Gillette Stadium, and the Boston Convention and Exposition Center. Any citizen who is not gay-married or is still in an illegal heterosexual relationship after that date will be arrested and tried for non-support.
Hundreds of confused but vocal protesters lined the street outside the statehouse Monday night, waving both American and rainbow flags. Their chants, which broke out in pockets up and down the street, included, “Hey hey, ho ho, homophobia’s got to go, but frankly, this is fucked up” and “Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, but not Adam and Some Random Guy.” Others held signs that read, “On Second Thought, Boston Christians Are Willing To Consider A Compromise.”
According to police reports, demonstrators were vocal but orderly.
“The unholy union of people of the same gender destroys the only type of romantic love sanctioned by Our Lord in Heaven: the love between a man and a woman,” 54-year-old protester Rose Shoults said. “Me and my new partner Helene are going to fry in hell.”
The much-anticipated order sets the stage for Massachusetts’ upcoming constitutional convention, where the state legislature will consider an amendment to legally define marriage as a union between two members of the same gender. Without the order, Rep. Michael Festa said the vote, and his personally dreaded wedding to House Speaker and longtime political opponent Thomas Finneran, would be delayed.
“This is a victory, not only for our state, but for America,” Festa said. “Simply allowing consenting gay adults the same rights as heterosexuals was never the point. By forcing everyone in the state into a gay marriage, we’re setting the stage for our more pressing hidden agendas: mandatory sodomy and, in due time, the legalization of bestiality and pedophilia.”
Massachusetts has one of the highest concentrations of gay households in the country, at 1.3 percent, according to the 2000 census. Under the new laws, the figure is expected to increase by approximately 98.7 percentage points.
Remember, it’s not plagiarism if you tell where you stole it!
- AND A QUICKIE By Muslim Sympathizer Awan Afuqya
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’re Working On
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- Cincinnati Police Prepare For Traci Hunter Riots
- Wyoming Hottie Vicki Zwissler’s “Moment of Zen” (SEE IT HERE)
- Alison Wondergams Grimes Still Groveling for Money
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said you should never believe media polls:
(A) Rigged questions: 2%
(B) Paid-off pollsters: 1%
(C) Hand-picked respondents: 1%
(D) Liberal Media Bias: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” WINNER is…
CBS This Morning, co-host Charlie Rose who lectured former Defense Secretary Leon Panetta on criticizing Obama in a new memoir: “There are those who say, you know, he appointed you to two of the highest positions that this country has to offer, just wait until he’s out of office before criticizing.”
Not to worry, there are only 833 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Political Poll-emics
This week, everybody who thinks all those media news polls are really bogus (especially after that recent poll showed that 84% of the people claimed they would never lie to a pollster), e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted push pollster Harley Barber, founder of the noted Barber Poll, who says, “Send me lots of money and I’ll tell you what you want to hear.”
Harley wins a “You Can Fool Some of the People All of the Time” T-shirt, a list of 1,001 misleading questions you can ask Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Followers in All Fifty-Seven States, and a complete list of everybody’s cell phone numbers, so people can actually be reached when they’re having dinner at a restaurant.. His winning entry is:
When the media takes a news poll
First they tell the pollster their goal
And all they’ll receive
Is what they already believe
So it’s just money down a rat hole
Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka sent in:
When the media takes a news poll
Misleading the public is their goal.
Whether they copy or edit,
You know where they get it.
The same place for both: the toilet bowl.
Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T. Mall Cop GOP wrote:
When the media takes a news poll
The full truth never gets told
They tweak it on this
Massage it on that
And only publish what helps a Dem A-Hole!
Kenton County Republican Party Chairman Greg Schumate says:
When the media takes a news poll
It’s just one of the ways they control
The dumbed-down and celebrity-obsessed,
Whose brainwashed minds are so easily impressed,
That they’ll swallow just about anything, whole.
Kenton County DemocRAT Party Chairman Col Owens authored:
When the media takes a news poll,
To see which candidate’s in the hole.
You know they’re for Obama
So ask your daddy and momma
Should you flush the results down the toilet bowl?
And from the Unlicensed Anderson Laureate (It’s not terribly mean-spirited this time, but then, he’s a Republican):
When the media takes a news poll
The DumbocRATs will be on a roll
The truth doesn’t matter
The libs keep up the chatter
Lying for Obama is their goal.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“It’s less than three more weeks till Elections”
EBOLA SCARE HOT LINE
E-mail your serious symptoms today
Some hypochondriac items in today’s Blower
were sent in by our equally hypochondriac subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
The Lighter Side of Ebola
(Sent in by the Acting United States Surgeon General Rear Admiral (RADM) Boris D. Lushniak, M.D., M.P.H., is l. RADM Lushniak whose job it is to articulate what Obama believes is the best available scientific information to the public regarding ways to improve personal health and the health of the nation.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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