Monday, October 6, 2014

Great Government Shutdowns in History

At this weekend’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why last year’s Government Shutdown didn’t really affect Republicans running for re-election in 2014. Remember all those pronouncements of doom and gloom? The number of voters who said the country was heading in the right direction fell to a five-year low of 13%, and RINOs in Congress feared for their political careers.

“Obviously, Obama’s Over-Hyped Partial Government Shutdown last year didn’t rank up there with some of the other great government shutdowns in American history,” Kane explained. “This year, 82% of American voters say last year’s shutdown has had little, if any, impact on them personally, and surely, you can’t expect any of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, to remember something that happened a year ago. They’ve forgotten 365 more Obama scandal’s since this time last year.”

“Actually, as any graduate of the Failed Cincinnati Public Schools can tell you, Government Shutdowns are right there in the Declaration of Independence,” Kane added, because Thomas Jefferson wrote, “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Government Shutdowns.”
And even the Pledge of Allegiance says, “One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and Government Shutdowns for all.”
Do you remember when Patrick Henry said, “Give me a Government Shutdown or give me a death?”
Nathan Hale said, “I regret that I have but one Government Shutdown to give to my Country.”
John Paul Jones said, “I have not yet begun to Shut Down the Government.”
George Washington said, “I cannot tell a lie. I Shut Down the Government.”
Samuel Adams said, “Someday they’ll name a beer after me, and when they do, they’ll Shut Down the Government.”
Daniel Webster said, “One country, one constitution, one destiny, and many Government Shutdowns.”
At Gettysburg, Abraham Lincoln said, “The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget how we Shut Down the Government.”
William Tecumseh Sherman said, “War is hell– without Government Shutdowns.”
George Armstrong Custer said, “Where in the hell did all those Government Shutdowns come from?”
Woodrow Wilson said, “The world must be made safe for Government Shutdowns.”
Will Rogers said, “I never met a Government Shutdown I didn’t like.”
General George S. Patton said, “No bastard ever won a war dying for his Government Shutdown. He won it by making the other poor bastard die for his Government Shutdown.”
FDR said, “We have nothing to fear but Government Shutdowns.”
Douglas McArthur said, “I shall return– for a Government Shutdown.”
Harry Truman said, “The Government Shutdown stops here.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “I think that people want Government Shutdowns so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.”
Albert Einstein said, “”The hardest thing in the world to understand is a Government Shutdown.”
Sigmund Freud said, “Most of men’s problems can be traced to their subconscious feelings about Government Shutdowns.”
John Kennedy said, “Ask not what you can do for your Government Shutdowns.”
Neil Armstrong said, “A small step for man, one giant step for Government Shutdowns.
Barry Goldwater said, “Extremism in the defense of Government Shutdowns is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of Government Shutdowns is no virtue.”
Vince Lombardi said, “Government Shutdowns aren’t everything.”
Ronald Reagan said, “My fellow Americans. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve signed legislation outlawing the Soviet Union. We begin Government Shutdowns in five minutes.”
John Wayne said, “Sure Women have the right to work wherever they want, as long as they have your dinner ready when you get home during a Government Shutdown.”
Rev. Martin Luther King said, “I had a dream about Government Shutdowns.”
Bill Clinton lied, “I did not have sex with that woman during a Government Shutdown.”
Charlton Heston said, “Let my Government Shut Down.”
At every patriotic rally, Lee Greenwood always sings, “God Bless the Government Shutdowns.”
George W. Bush said, “Government Shutdowns Accomplished.”
And not to be outdone, Obama now still insists that only Mean-Spirited Republicans pay their fair share of Government Shutdowns.

GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN HOT LINE

E-mail more of your phony sob stories today

Some government shutdown hyping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally government shutdown hyping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.

Remember How Serious Last Year’s Shutdown Really Was?

Whistleblower Video of the Day

Ted Cruz Shuts Down the Government

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Special “Historical Perspective” E-dition