Wednesday, August 27, 2014
It’s the Free Stuff, Stupid
At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how long Obama Supporters in the Press would be continuing to whip up Racial Strife in Ferguson, Missouri and trying to say it’s OK for Black Looters to steal your stuff.
“Forever,” Kane explained, “but Racial Unrest won’t necessarily be their top story every day. You have to understand how the Liberal Agenda works.”
Our Kneepad Liberals in the Press always promote things Liberals like. Just as the TEA Party stands for fiscal responsibility, limited government, and free markets, your Liberal Media always endorses the opposite. Liberals have a big long laundry list of Progressive causes to support.
Their Media Mendacity currently includes promoting Abortion; Amnesty for Future DemocRAT Voters; Political Correctness; Supporting Sodomy Rites and Validating the Homosexual Life-style; Feminism; Tree-Hugging; Global Warming; G-uncontrol; Keeping People From Smoking; Diversity Uber Alles; Changing The Name of the Washington Redskins; Labor Unions, Brainwashing Children in Schools; Voting Rights for People Who Are Too Stupid to Vote; Streetcars, Obama’s Historic Legacy; Giving Away Free Stuff With Your Money; and Making Sure Not to Hurt the Feelings of All Those Murdering Muslim Bastards.
The List of Liberal causes seems endless, and they must constantly change the subject, just to keep the interest of all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice.
For example, on the front page of Tuesday’s Fishwrap, Sharon Coolidge breathlessly reported the news that the City of Cincinnati was offering transgender surgery insurance to make our area more competitive and inclusive, since as we all know, It’s not Baseball, Mom, or Apple Pie that have always made our area great, it’s our “Diversity.” Our Good Friend Bobby Leach now wonders if the City plans to hire Lorena Bobbitt to cut all those dicks off, anyway.
Republicans for Higher Taxes applaud the City of Cincinnati for covering sex change operations in its health care plan. They believe this is an excellent use of over-taxed payers’ funds, particularly for a city that claims it can’t afford to maintain its Music Hall.
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1939, the first televised baseball game featured the Cincinnati Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers, but Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furman says you probably won’t see that on the front page of The Fishwrap today, because Reds pitchers Paul Vander Meer and Paul Derringer weren’t announcing their same-sex marriage.
Some of the ways Liberals avoid having an honest debate these days include calling you a Mean-Spirited Right-Wing Hate Speech Making “Racist” any time they’re losing an argument; distracting you by changing the subject; claiming somebody else did it before because we all know two wrongs make a right; claiming Obama didn’t know what’s going on; blaming a “Far Right Conspiracy”; saying you heard it on Faux News; claiming they’re doing it “for the children”; and saying “it’s all George Bush’s fault.”
Liberals must never get tired of saying stupid things, and the best part about being a Liberal these days is must be being nominated for our daily “Liberals Say the Stupidest Things” Award in The Blower.
Today’s winner is Charles Ogletree, the renowned legal scholar who taught President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama during their time in Cambridge, who described the state of affairs following Michael Brown’s funeral as being “just like the assassination of” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. in 1968.
Finally, we have some good news about the Ferguson looters. Not all products were stolen from local businesses. Some are still available for local purchase. Here are some of items that were left on the shelves: Books, Pens & pencils, Resume kits, Healthy fruits and vegetables, Condoms, work boots, work gloves, work coveralls, and Father’s Day cards. At least the story about Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder paying Ferguson Gang Leaders to start riots turned out to be satire.
Meanwhile in Cincinnati, everybody’s wondering when the Local Race Riots will start, especially after Mahogany’s at the Banks was closed by the Ohio Department of Taxation on Tuesday for failing to pay sales taxes.
Channel 9’s Dan Monk says a public notice announced the closure on restaurant’s front door. No one could be reached for comment inside the restaurant.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for today committee chose Pope Francis’ “Unrestrained liberalism only makes the strong stronger and the weak weaker and excludes the most excluded.” But The Blower also liked Thomas Sowell’s “Liberalism is totalitarianism with a human face.”
Now the Liberal Agenda says let’s all watch Obama’s Race Baiter # 1 Al Sharpton scream his way through Michael Brown’s Eulogy on Monday, while Pastors at the funeral compare Michael Brown to Jesus, Saying his Death was just like Christ’s Crucifixion.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Charles Ogletree
Today’s Best Conservative Political Cartoons
LIBERAL AGENDA HOT LINE
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Some really cynical items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really cynical subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Me Is Mine, You Is Yours
Sent in by Fox News Commentator Charles Krauthammer, who says, “People Don’t Really Care What Obama Thinks.”
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