Friday, August 15, 2014
Killing People and Breaking Things
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1945 Japan surrendered to end WWII in the Pacific and our Victory over Japan was celebrated as “VJ Day,” which is why our Quote for Today Committee chose then President Harry S. Truman’s “The atom bomb was no ‘great decision.’ It was merely another powerful weapon in the arsenal of righteousness.”
These days, it’s hard to believe the Historic Hypocrisy of the Obama Administration’s non-stop criticism of Israel for bombing terrorists in Gaza (who have sworn to kill 
innocent civilians in Israel) while American planes are now bombing ISIS terrorists to prevent the same genocide in Obama’s New War in Iraq. We’re disappointed at Obama’s hypocrisy, but cynically speaking, we’re hardly surprised.
Meanwhile, we’re really surprised ISIS hasn’t shown the world photos of all those innocent children Obama’s drones and aircraft have killed, instead of all those innocent civilians the terrorists have beheaded.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Legendary Military Planner Herr Doktor Merkwürdigliebe, who was an important scientist under Germany’s Nazi regime. When he came to the United States, he translated his name to Strangelove. He was a science adviser to President Merkin Muffley and sometimes commissioned studies of defense issues by the BLAND Corporation. He also gave an idea on how they could survive a nuclear war.
Dr. Strangelove understood the purpose of the military is to kill people and break things, and that strategic bombing is an application of the concept of “total war,” in which all civilians are considered to be combatants and thus legitimate targets. In 1965, when the North Vietnamese were proving to be stubborn enemies, LeMay threatened that they would be “bombed back into the stone age.”
The problem with strategic bombing is that it seems never to have worked, with the possible exception of Rotterdam. Rather than breaking popular morale in London, Berlin, Tokyo, or Hanoi, it usually strengthened it. Confronted by a common deadly threat, civilians rally around the only leaders who can do anything to protect them, even if those leaders are widely disliked.
In spite of that, The Blower is still honored to choose Herr Doktor to be this week’s guest editor and choose three Non-Military Updates plus a Non-Military Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
- “THE VIRGINIANS” by Author Owen Wister
When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped Obama across the face and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the Nation I helped conceive?”
Patrick Henry approached, punched Obama in the nose and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties but you failed.”
James Madison followed, kicked Obama in the groin and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!”
Thomas Jefferson was next. He beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, “It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence.”
The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist, leader.
As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Obama wept and said, “This is not what you promised me. Where are all those virgins?”
The Angel replied, “I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said? You really need to listen when someone is trying to tell you something!”
- “DO YOU KNOW WHAT JUST HAPPENED?” by Suezilla Hardenberg, Anderson TEA Party Princess
Here’s what happened on July 1, 2014:
Top Income Tax bracket went from 35% to 39.6%
Top Income Payroll Tax went from 37.4% to 52.2%
Capital Gains Tax went from 15 % to 28%
Dividend Tax went from 15% to 39.6%
Estate Tax went from 0% to 55%
These taxes were all passed under the so-called Affordable Care Act.
These taxes were all hidden but the funds were all used to “prove” the so-called Affordable Care Act would balance Obama’s Budget.
All these taxes were passed with only Disingenuous DemocRAT votes in the U.S. Senate.
Not one Republican voted to increase these taxes, which is something you might want to remember on Election Day in only 81 more days.
- “NEVER ANSWER ANYTHING TOO QUICKLY” by Bobby Leach
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive red-headed woman waving at him.
She says, “Hello.”
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he asks, “Do you know me?”
To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
So he asks, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your girl friend whipped my butt with wet celery?”
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s kindergarten teacher.”
- AND A QUICKIE By Podiatrist/ Congressman Brad Wenstrup
A close friend of mine was telling me that when he took the entrance exam to attend Medical School, he was perplexed by the following question:
Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out the part of the human body that is of the most use when erect!
Those students who spelled SPINE were admitted and became doctors. The rest are in Congress.
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’re Working On
-
Middle East Still in Flames - Race Riots in Missouri
- NAACP Appeals to UN
- Obama Still Dancing the Worries Away
- Robin Williams Still Dead
- Tracie Hunter Goes Crazy in Court
- Is “Honest Gil” Fulbright Coming to The Great Inland Seafood Fest?
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said they won’t mind if Obama goes on vacation in Martha’s Vineyard for twelve days:
(A) Nothing bad could happen to America if he’s not in Washington: 2%
(B) GOP gets a good chance to criticize Obama: 1%
(C) Time to work on his Big Jobs Plan: 1%
(D) No more speeches during that time: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
How The Media Would Have Covered President Bush Partying With Race Riots Going On…
TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” WINNER is Disingenuous DemocRAT Congressman John Lewis who said Obama should declare Martial Law in Ferguson and Federalize the Missouri National Guard to protect Black Molotov-Throwing Looters.
REMEMBER: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Black Bigot John Lewis, who claims he’s not really a race-baiter, he just plays one on TV.
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
What Else Rhymes With “Nantucket?”
This week, everybody who thinks it’s wrong for Obama to go on another lavish over-taxed payer funded vacation when so many Americans will be staying home on their vacations, that’s if they’ve been lucky enough to find jobs during Obama’s Longest Economic Recovery in History, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is our own Kennebunk Tadwell, whom we have all come to know and love as the Bard of Cleves, (shown here watching the parade still passing him by) who wonders how the media would cover a white Republican president partying during a race riot, like Obama did Wednesday night when the Obamas danced to nearly every song during a birthday party at the Farm Neck Golf Club in Martha’s Vineyard, while cops and protesters exchanged tear gas and Molotov cocktails at the big race riot in Ferguson, Missouri.
Bunky wins an “I Vacationed With Obama” T-Shirt; an autographed pictures of Obama playing his 190th round of golf seven minutes after he finished his comments on the Missouri race riots; and an e-mail from Joe Biden offering to enter Bunky in that lottery to meet Obama at the Labor Day “Barbeque with Barack” Party for a mere $28 donation. His winning limerick is:
When Obama went to Nantucket
It cost us more than a drop in a bucket.
His job bores him to tears,
So for the next two and a half years,
He’s telling us all just to go suck it.
(Or was that Bill Clinton’s Limerick?)
And from the Anderson Laureate, who says it would be blasphemous to try to improve on the classic “Man From Nantucket” (with a really long penis):
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin
If my ear were a hole I could fuck it.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When your kids finally go back to school”
OBAMA RACE RIOTS HOT LINE
e-mail us your incendiary invocations today.
Some calling-for-calm items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally calling-for-calm subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Immigration, World Poverty and Gumballs –
Presented by immigration author/journalist Roy Beck
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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