Saturday, August 9, 2014
Leadership on Leave
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus reports this year, Obama says he’ll have no trouble running his Brand New War in Iraq and keep America’s Only Middle East Allies in Israel from killing too many terrorists in Gaza (the exact thing Obama’s doing to the terrorists in Iraq) during his extended two-week sojourn in Martha’s Vineyard, the island destination of the wealthy and well-connected American elite, near where the Clintons are spending $100,000 for a three-week rental in the Hamptons. After all, he’s taking his phone and his pen with him.- TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” AWARD: Obama’s Dumbed-Down White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest told Fox News Reporter Ed Henry on Friday: “We are not going to ‘decimate’ the Islamic State, even though they are planning attacks against America.” That was the day after ISIS announced it would raise the Flag of Allah over the White House. Many people thought Obama had already done that.
SPEAKING OF CULTURE WARS: Cincinnati was Ground Zero on the Liberal Agenda’s Attack on Marriage this week, but nowhere in The Fishwrap’s Fabulous Coverage was that inside scoop from Whistleblower’s Alternative Lifestyle Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis about the lead attorneys arguing for the traditional definition of marriage to be struck down. They state that their anonymous and virile sources have pointed out two winning strategies: She said, first, we raise the issue of discrimination. (The very word sent shudders through the room.) Since no one wants to be perceived as “discriminating” attorney’s plan to charge judges with discrimination – especially Judge Sutton – if they don’t offer rights to ANY consenting adults who want to get married. When the reporters pointed out that anyone can get married, they just have to meet certain state standards like: age, cognitive abilities, family relation distance (except in Kentucky), and gender qualifications, so how would that help? Well, replied another lead attorney, the underlying problem with gender qualifications is that they are meaningless – which of course leads us to the 14th amendment. By requesting “equal protection under the law” as women did to gain the right to vote: we should be allowed to be as miserable as any other married person – even if we don’t want to meet the standards and definitions currently in place. The other 98.4% of the population should redefine the cornerstone of civilized propagation and inheritance so that we can do what we want, when we want, how we want, and with whom we want. After all, isn’t government about allowing us to pursue happiness in any way we want?
The Muckraker says Dover and McKrevis asked about the much ballyhooed Windsor case? One attorney responded, that it was good PR, in that we, the LGBTQ community claim that as a victory in that it knocked down Federal DOMA, but that idiot Justice Kennedy was off his meds when wrote the opinion that reiterated the 10th amendment, especially on licensure and placed the power of defining marriage fully in the hands of the state, heaven forbid someone actually read what he said about New York!
When asked if the attorneys thought the Scarlet “D” word carry most of the legal gravitas, the third attorney spoke up and it said, “of course, that is why we have so many rallys! As long as we keep friendly Liberal reporters in editorial rooms and give them some hype to tweet about, they will completely ignore the legal definitions of “Protected Class.” In fact, none of us in the LGBTQA actually qualify since we can’t meet the basic definition of obvious class – well, except for the bull dykes, and even they weren’t born THAT way!
The older matron attorney waddled over and said, “it comes down to this, if enough people scream and holler they want it done, it will happen. The law is just a process to channel the will of the people and since we can scream louder than every other group out there, we get what we want. Mark my words and watch the hoopla. Silent majority be damned.”
AN ATTACK-IN-MARRIAGE CASE will be heard at the Hamilton County Courthouse in a couple of weeks when Cincinnati Reds owner Bob Castellini’s son Robert and daughter-in-law Deanna appear in Judge Bernie Bouchard’s and Judge Cheryl Grant’s separate courtrooms on domestic violence charges, after they were both arrested for getting into a fight with each other in front of their children last week.
Meanwhile, CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street says everybody at the courthouse still can’t stop wondering why The Fishwrap took Courageous Criminal Reporter KimBall Perry’s item off its Web Site. At our press time today, you could still see The Fishwrap’s cached coverage HERE
Many people think Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP, acting as Robert Castellini’s attorney, might have had a little something to do with it.
ANOTHER BATTLE AT AN INDIAN HILL BREAKFAST TABLE might be going on these days when Now Disbarred Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced DemocRAT, Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Not-yet-Indicted Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley tries to explain his temporary $42 million cash flow problem to Federal Court Judge Mr$. $tan Che$Ley. Is that the severest ruling a local attorney ever got?- MORE FAMILY VIOLENCE: Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1969, former Cincinnatian Charlie Manson and his “family” went on a killing spree in Hollywood. You might’ve seen that story in a made-for-TV movie. That’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Charlie’s quote: “Did I kill anyone?”
- SCAM ALERT: Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWhine and Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters today warned that scam artists are posing as government and law enforcement officials demanding that consumers pay money immediately. Victims say people wearing “JayWalker” and DeWhiner masks look amazingly real.
REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES have joined the Temper Tantrum of Arts Tax Activists who are OUTRAGED that because “Me, Greg” Hartmann succumbed to peer pressure from his country club cronies and Commissioners announced their doofus decision to put a tax hike on the November 6 ballot,Hamilton County citizens will “only” get to vote on a $170 million tax increase for Union Terminal instead of a much larger one that includes Music Hall. They believe that because Bob McDonald is really rich, anything he proposes should be enacted without question.
BLUEGRASS BOUILLABAISSE: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says if you’re looking for something really vile-and-disgusting to stuff in your mouth this weekend, you might stop by Gliers Goettafest Newport at Newport’s Riverfront Levee. Since its creation, Glier’s Goettafest has sought to be a family fun festival, offering numerous forms of entertainment to go with a delicious and extensive food menu.
Goetta is a sickening German sausage made of pork, beef, spices, and oats, and the CamBoozler is wondering if Goetta was invented in Cincinnati, why are they holding this weekend’s crappy Goettafest in Kentucky?
You can have baked goetta, fried goetta, poached goetta, steamed goetta, roast goetta, broiled goetta, boiled goetta, sautéed goetta, broiled goetta, or you could just eat it raw. There are goetta-burgers, goetta-three ways, goetta pizza, stuffed-goetta, goetta-and-dumplings, goetta-enchiladas, moo-goo-gai-goetta, goetta-chowder, shoofly goetta, goetta po-boys, goetta fajitas, Chicago-style goetta, goetta balls, and goetta ala ronge, just to name a few.
But don’t eat too much goetta. You might goetta sick. And if you can’t make it, we guess you should just call it Forgeotta-about-it.
Meanwhile, over at Channel 19, Trish the Dish wants to know if “Honest Gil” Fulbright will be campaigning at Goettafest in Newport this weekend. Thousands of people attend that event, and it would be a good time to complain about how the McConnell Grimes race will be the most expensive U.S. Senate Race in American history in 87 more days.
DEMOCRAT FAMILY VALUES: Alison Wondergams Grimes emailed another $5 donation request Wednesday to tell all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice on her Suckers List, that former Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton had just left the stage and she was really proud of what he had to say about her campaign. Is this really what he said? And do you think McConnell will be tying his opponent to Clinton’s Disgraceful Family Values the way he’s tying her to Obama’s incompetence?
MORE DEMOCRAT FAMILY VALUES: Our reader, retired Sunday school teacher Edna, writes in to say: “Does Ed FitzGerald, who’s (still) running for Ohio governor, really expect us to believe he was sitting in a parked dark car in a lonely parking lot at 4:30 a.m. with a lovely blonde just figuring out how to drive her to her hotel? 
(Ahem, ignore the bouncing vehicle.) After a night of heavy drinking, he ordered an assistant to drive several other people from her group back to the hotel, but he decided to take only the blonde in his vehicle? I’m 85 years old and even I don’t believe that!”
“That, and the fact FitzGerald, a former FBI agent sworn to uphold the law, hadn’t had a valid regular driver’s license for ten entire years! Does he think the voters of Ohio are fools? He must, because the Dishonest DemocRAT still running for governor.” How Clintonesque!
MEANWHILE AT ANSWERS IN GENESIS: Long-time Whistleblower Person of Consequence COO Mark Looy usedhis guest column in the Community Recorderto counter two widely spread myths about to the construction of the Ark Encounter in Northern Kentucky:
Contrary to what has been reported by other newspapers (e.g., New York Times) and countless misinformed bloggers (not including The Blower) , no tax money is coming from Kentucky’s budget and away from needed services to build the full-size Noah’s Ark in Williamstown.
Instead, the project has received preliminary approval from the state to receive a refund of sales tax collected at the completed park (e.g., from ticket sales, merchandise and food) but only if the Ark draws large crowds and thus brings in millions of tourism dollars into the state.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders asked Charles Foster Kane about the unbelievable hypocrisy of the Obama Administration’s non-stop criticism of Israel for bombing terrorists in Gaza (who are trying to kill innocent civilians in Israel) when American planes are now bombing terrorists to prevent the same genocide in Obama’s New War in Iraq. “If you think that’s hypocrisy,” Kane said, “just wait till the terrorists in Iraq show the world photos on all those innocent children Obama’s aircraft have killed.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Now Disbarred Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced DemocRAT, Clinton-loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Not-yet-Indicted Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley.
WHISTLEBLOWER MUCKRAKING HOT LINE
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Flashback » Obama: ‘We’re Leaving Behind A Sovereign, Stable And Self-Reliant Iraq’
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This week our Patronage County Commissioners were talking about all that Fabulous News Coverage promoting the Gay Agenda during the Attack on Marriage Hearing at the Federal Courthouse in Cincinnati:
“The Fishwrap gave the gays all that free front-page publicity,” pointed out Commissioner Filch.
“Diversity uber alles,” added Commissioner Swindle. “Those folks never miss an opportunity to promote the Liberal Agenda.”
“For years Kneepad Liberals in the Press wanted everybody to believe at least half the population was homosexual,” said Commissioner Pilfer. “Now it turns out it’s only 1.6%.”
“Which means 98.4% is heterosexual,” explained Commissioner Swindle, “but you’d never see that explained anywhere in the Liberal News Media. It would make it very difficult for them to convince people to validate the gay lifestyle.”
“Doesn’t Cincinnati have a gay guy on its City Council?” asked Commissioner Filch.
“He was the victim of a homophobic attack last winter when Republicans for Higher Taxes reported somebody had written ‘Tiny Cock’ in the snow on his windshield, and the gay guy still hasn’t stopped pouting ever since the local St. Patrick’s Day Parade Committee banned a Gay Group again this year,” Commissioner Swindle explained.
“You’d think a monumental decision was hanging in the balance from all the publicity last week,” said Commissioner Pilfer.
“That’s ridiculous,” concluded Commissioner Swindle. “No matter what those judges in Cincinnati decide, you know this case is going to wind up in the Supreme Court.”
This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.