Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Please don’t ask how many Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, signed Obama’s Meaningless “Organizer in Chief” Birthday Card yesterday. —DemocRAT National Committee
We had a better idea. We sent Obama a copy of the Constitution so he’d remember what it looked like. —Reince Priebus at the Republican National Committee
With the Middle East still in Flames after Kerry’s Failed Ceasefire, we told Obama to go back out on the golf course and not to bother us on his birthday. —Israeli Prime Minister Bebe Netanyahu
Yesterday was also our 224th Birthday. Do you think anybody but The Blower would ever recognize that? Our motto is “Semper Paratus,” which means “Always Ready.” —The U.S. Coast Guard
Next time Obama mentions our “Do Nothing Congress,” please remind him that 356 bills made it through the House and are still sitting on Harry Reid’s desk in the Senate. BTW, 98% of those bills were passed with bipartisan support. —House Speaker John Boehner
On this date in 1861, President Lincoln imposed the first federal income tax by signing the Revenue Act. Strapped for cash to pay for the Civil War, Lincoln and Congress agreed to impose a three percent tax on annual incomes over $800. Those were the good old days. —Hurley the Historian
That’s why we chose Dr. Laurence J. Peter’s “America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.”—Your Quote for Today Committee
Liberal Slate Writer Jamelle Bouie is perplexed: He wants to know why Americans think people from Mexico and Central America are “Foreign to This Country.” —Liberals Say the Stupidest Things
Like I always said—“No Deportation without Representation.” —Nutty Nancy Pelosi
In case anybody’s wondering, the Cincinnati Reds’ Tragic Number is now only “47” after Sunday’s games. —Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather
That’s probably why all our local sports fans will be watching the Bungals’ first preseason game Thursday night. —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall
Not me, I can’t stand to watch my new $115 million quarterback get hurt. —“Millionaire Mike” Brown
Tomorrow’s the anniversary of Hiroshima, but we won’t be comparing the killing of Japanese civilians to end WWII to the Israel’s right to defend itself from Terrorists. —Kneepad Liberals in the Press
We hope The Fishwrap will still be busy attacking marriage when the Sixth Circuit Court in Cincinnati hears all those same-sex marriage cases. —Sodomy Rites Activists
When do I testify? —Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting for Fagelas” Portman
Traditional marriage, the union of one man and one woman for life, is the cradle of the family, which is the basic building block of society. Please join me in praying over these four days in August that the federal appeals court will act wisely to uphold traditional marriage. —Most Reverend Dennis M. Schnurr, Archbishop of Cincinnati
Please don’t publish the just-released numbers from the Center for Disease Control that place the percentage of Americans identifying themselves as homosexual at only 1.6% of the adult population. —Whistleblower Alternate Lifestyles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
Or celebrating our tenth anniversary of sponging off the over-taxed payers. —The Still Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center
Could we use our White Guilt Center to house all those Amnesty-Loving Illegal Immigrants I plan to bring to Cincinnati? —Cincinnati Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley
Tomorrow’s also the day we have to decide whether to puta measure on the ballot toraise regional taxes for City owned Icons so people can vote for it to find out what’s in it. —Hamilton County Commissioners
Go ahead, make our day. —Businesses in Northern Kentucky and the Surrounding Counties in Ohio
Maybe of some of those freeloaders who watched Lumenocity last week should’ve paid something. —Conservative Curmudgeons
Not all of us would support a Regional Tax. —Anderson Township Trustees
Not all of us support a school tax hike. —Forrest Gump School Board Members
Are any of those free-stuff grabbers at Saturday’s “ABSOLUTELY FREE” Garage Sale planning to convert? —Zion Lutheran Church
Our customers really think gouging them with a $7.50 per phone line “Federal Subscriber Line Charge” is a great idea. —Warner Business Class
We really got a rude reception from all those Partisan Red-Shirted Republicans for McConnell and Even More Partisan Blue-Shirted DemocRATS for Alison Wondergams Grimes at Saturday’s Fancy Farm Political Picnic in Kentucky. — Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
The Blower’s making a Mockery out of McConnell’s campaign. —McConnell’s Campaign Manager Jesse Benton
The Blower’s making More Than a Mockery of Alison’s campaign. —Alison’s Grandmother Elsie Case
Did I forget to mention how the Kentucky DemocRAT Party rebuked NoKY DemocRAT Dominatrix Kathy Groob for her racist twitters about McConnell’s wife Elaine Chao? —Feckless Fishwrapper “Scruffy Scott” Wartman
Thanks for all The Blower’s support for my fake campaign against McConnell and Grimes during the most expensive Senate Race in American history in 91 more days. The race between McConnell and Grimes might easily cost an unprecedented $100 million. Over three quarters of both candidates’ money is coming from outside of Kentucky, including a who’s who of big money special interests. —”Honest” Gil Fulbright
“Honest Gil” sounds like a lot of politicians we know. —Commissioners Filch, Pilfer, and Swindle in The Blower’s weekly “Patronage County” Parody
Trish the Dish wants to know if “Honest Gil” will be campaigning at Goettafest in Newport this weekend. Thousands of people attend that event. —Channel 19 News
In case I feel like buzzing Goettafest on Saturday, how many nudists do you think will be there? —Channel 9 Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Trouble-making Twitteress Kathy Groob.

—Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —

Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Sodomy Rites Activists to show that attacks on marriage is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody realizes traditional marriage, the union of one man and one woman for life, is the cradle of the family, which is the basic building block of society.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially a Gay Activist in the Federal Black Robes like Judge Tim Black, who’s working to overturn the will of the people of Ohio.

CITY ICON TAX HOT LINE

e-mail your political propaganda today.

Some anti-tax items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally anti-tax subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Judge Jeanine Pirro – Opening Statement – SHAME On Obama Goes on Vacation NO Leadership – 8-2-14

(Sent in by by Author Ronald Kessler, whose best-selling book “The First Family Detail” outed Obama’s Doofus VP Joe Biden for Grossing Out the Secret Service by Swimming Naked.)

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Special “Illegals With Ebola” E-dition