Monday, August 4, 2014
Attack of the Bi-Partisan Partisans
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says the five hours and ten minutes during the 361 mile return from Saturday’s Fancy Farm Political Picnic seemed a whole lot longer than the 361 mile trip down, especially after The CamBoozler and his van fun of Whistleblower Interns received such a rude reception from all those Partisan Red-Shirted Republicans for McConnell and Even More Partisan Blue-Shirted DemocRATS for Alison Wondergams Grimes, with only 92 more days until the Most Expensive US Senate Election in History.- McConnell’s Campaign Manager Jesse Benton said, “The Blower’s making a Mockery out of McConnell’s campaign.” “The Blower’s making More than a Mockery of Alison’s campaign,” interrupted Alison’s Grandmother Elsie Case. Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose to paraphrase Woody Allen’s great line from “Bananas” when they said “We object, your honor! This campaign is a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.”
- Feckless Fishwrapper “Scruffy Scott” Wartman’s Slanted Sunday Coverage turned out to be a bit of a mockery of a sham itself. We’re sure The Grimes Campaign was pleased. “We don’t need no unbiased coverage!”
Maybe that’s why our Kneepad Liberal forgot to mention how the Kentucky DemocRAT Party was reportedly forced to deliver a sharp rebuke to a series of comments on Twitter from a DemocRAT operative who referenced the ethnicity of Elaine Chao, the wife of Republican U.S. Senator Mitch McConnell.
“Google Elaine Chao, #MitchMcConnell’s wife,” Groob tweeted Saturday morning. “No mention of Kentucky, she is Asian.”
WFPL reporter Phillip Bailey screen captured the tweets. Someone commenting on WHAS-TV Coverage said, “Maybe DemocRAT operatives don’t approve of Chao because she immigrated legally as a child. If she was an illegal they would be fawning over her.”
Memo to Wartman: If the twitteress who sent these blatantly offensive tweets was our own DemocRAT Dominatrix from Fort Mitchell, might that not have been something to newsworthy include?
At least “Scruffy” included Kentucky Senator Rand Paul’s upcoming entry in our Whistleblower Limerick Contest:
“There once was a woman from Kentucky
Who thought in politics she’d be lucky.
So she flew to L.A. for a Hollywood bash,
She came home in a flash with buckets of cash.”
Memo to The Randster: That ain’t a limerick, something Wartman or his editor should’ve noticed.
- According to Weasel Zippers, Kentuckians might have found out that voting for Allison Grimes might buy them someone with possibly as much gaffe potential as Joe Biden. When asked about the Israel-Hamas fighting, Grimes came out with a real winner, crediting the Iron Dome, Israel’s anti-missile defense system, for helping Israel “withstand the terrorists that have tried to tunnel their way in.” The Iron Dome of course does nothing whatever to protect against Hamas from tunneling in. Scott must’ve missed this video of Grimes encouraging her supporters to “put bumper stickers in their yards.”
That’s why The Blower seems to be the only local media outlet following the progress of “Honest Gil” Fulbright, a fake candidate running for U.S. Senate running against McConnell and Grimes during the most expensive Senate Race in American history. Louisville Courier Journal reported Fake U.S. Senate Candidate Gil Fulbright had actually raised enough money to go on television with ads and expand his campaign nationally and “Honest Gil” arrived at Fancy Farm with polished campaign materials in a big bus with his face on the side to rival that of Grimes or McConnell.
“Honest Gil’s” honesty, was, to say the least, refreshing, like when he admitted he likes to tell “made up stories of fictional, hard-working people” who are struggling to pay for health care and their home mortgage.
Fulbright, played by veteran character actor Frank Ridley, is a creation of the group represent.us, which favors limiting money in politics. “People of Kentucky, you deserve a new kind of the same ol’ politician,” he said. “Aren’t you sick of those Washington insiders who will sell you out behind your back? Don’t you think the people of Kentucky deserve a senator who will sell them out to their faces?”
“I can raise my voice and I can say words like jobs, jobs, jobs, and at the end of the day be completely honest with you,” he said. “All of the other politicians out there are going to tell you they are fighting for you … but the honest truth is none of us are.”
And just like Commissioners Filch, Pilfer, and Swindle in The Blower’s weekly “Patronage County” Parody, “Honest Gil” sounds like a lot of politicians we know.
The race between McConnell and Grimes might easily cost an unprecedented $100 million. Over three quarters of both candidates’ money is coming from outside of Kentucky, including a who’s who of big money special interests. When it costs that much to win an election, candidates become dependent on their funders, not on the people they’re supposed to represent. As a result, issues that matter to the people go unsolved. That’s why we’re interested to hear a satirical Senate candidate like Gil Fulbright. Gil is an “honest politician” who will openly take any position on any issue… for the right price.- The Fulbright Campaign believes control of the Senate could come down to the Kentucky race. The national news media will be watching, so it’s the perfect opportunity to steer the conversation away from the usual partisan grandstanding, and change the conversation to money’s stranglehold on American governance — and how to fix it.
That’s why at Sunday’s Meeting of the Conservative Agenda, when Political Insiders asked Charles Foster Kane if he thought sending Ken CamBoo and his van full of Whistleblower Interns all the way to Fancy Farm, Kentucky for this year’s Political Harangue was worth it, Kane said, “You bet! As the official voice of the Conservative Agenda and the publication of record for all the political scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing in the Tri-State, our readers know to expect nothing less.”- Then again, maybe they could’ve just stayed home and watched all those political speeches on KET. [YOU CAN WATCH THEM ALL HERE]
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially “Scruffy Scott” Wartman.
“HONEST GIL FULBRIGHT” HOT LINE
e-mail your scathing satire today.
Some satirical items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally satirical subscribers, but we could always use more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Honest Political Ads – Gil Fulbright for Senate
(Sent in by Creators of Gil Fulbright, the satirical candidate running against Mitch McConnell and Alison Wondergam Grimes. Help us get old Gil to Kentucky at http://igg.me/at/HonestGil.)
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