Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Sunday we sent out emails begging for more money because there were only 100 more days until the 2014 Elections. —Every Political Campaign in America
Obama keeps daring House Republicans to impeach him before the mid terms. He knows those wussies won’t do it, and we can use it as a fundraising gimmick In the past four days we sent out 11 different Fundraising Emails shrieking hysterically over the totally nonexistent threat of Obama’s being impeached. —DemocRAT Party- And even if those Pussy Republicans ever found the balls or got the stupids to impeach our first Black President, we’d never convict him, just like Bill Clinton. —Harry Reid and the Disingenuous DemocRATS in the Senate
- Every day more people are questioning Obama’s sanity, and whether he’s in touch with reality these days. —White House Psychiatrists
How about if we just voted to have him committed? Maybe I might be able to get that done before our August Recess. —John Boehner- Hey, Boehner, you’d have to commit those 65 million Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, since according to our latest poll, Americans now wish they’d elected Romney. —CNN
- After such a miserable week for the president and his agenda last week, maybe Obama should go on vacation early. —Pollster John Zogby
- Even though most Americans want us all sent home, we keep coming across the border because Obama promised to take care of us. —Illegal Immigrants
- And while domestic crises simmer and international conflicts flare, Obama can be counted on to pitch and putt. The duffer-in-chief has played 81 rounds of golf and had attended 75 political fund-raisers in the 628 days since his 2012 re-election. —The NY Post
- Israel needs a humanitarian cease fire these days because of all those attacks from the Obama Administration. —Bebe Netanyahu
- Don’t blame us if the Hamilton County Commissioners don’t put a Cincinnati Icon Tax on the ballot before the August 6 deadline. We’ve certainly done more than our part. —Feckless Fishwrappers
Are we the only Elected Officials in Hamilton County to come out against County over-taxed payers having to pay for things the City chose to neglect while they busy building their stupid Streetcar? —Anderson Township Trustees (“In Russ We Trust” Jackson, Angry Andy Pappas, and even Josh Gerth)- Soreheads in the Suburbs should pay to help fix up Music Hall and the Museum Center just like when their City Income Taxes pay our salaries. —Cincinnati City Clown-cil (Enjoying Their Summer Vacations)
- Were those Feckless Fishwrappers borrowing a little alliteration from The Blower when they called me a “Litigious Lawyer” on Sunday’s front page? — COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney
Talk about your “Noxious Nicknames!” —Eric ‘Call Me Crazy,’ Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator Deters- Beginning next month we get to start ripping off our customers with a $7.50 per phone line “Federal Subscriber Line Charge.”—Warner Business Class
- Is it too soon to begin counting down the games until The Reds are mathematically eliminated for the 2014 season? —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall
- Finally there’s an event we can thoroughly support: Saturday’s “Absolutely FREE” Garage Sale at the Zion Lutheran Church in Anderson. —The Free Grain Party
This year’s Fancy Farm Picnic next weekend will again be the premier political event in Kentucky. 20,000 partisans will travel from all corners of the state to scream and shout their political beliefs at the “center of the political universe.” —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo- Civility? We don’t need no stinkin’ civility. —TEA Party Candidates With Bullhorns
- I’ve instructed Bill Cunningham (the emcee of the event) to keep tight control. —Fancy Farm Political Chairman Mark Wilson
But you don’t have to drive all the way to Western Kentucky to hear the speeches. We’ll be broadcasting them live. —Kentucky Educational Television- All of my supporters will be watching. —U.S. Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell
- And my campaign will be e-mailing Dumbed Down DemocRATS every ten minutes asking for donations. —Alison Wondergams Grimes
- I promise my speech won’t be half as boring as the last time I spoke at Fancy Farm. —Bluegrass Governor Steve Be-Sheared
- Maybe I’ll find out if Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders will be among my competitors in the 2015 Gubernatorial Race. —Bluegrass Attorney General Jack Conway
- We’ll be there blowing a lot of smoke.—Smoke-Free Kentucky, The Group Pushing For A State-Wide Smoking Ban In Public Places
- Can I just show the tape of my blockbuster speech at last week’s Urban League Conference in Cincinnati? It should be just like brand new, since only 60 people bothered to attend. —Rand Paul
- Don’t forget, I intend to launch my U.S. Senate campaign at the annual Fancy Farm Picnic even though I won’t actually appear on the ballot — and even though I’m not even a real person. —”Honest” Gil Fulbright
- Trish the Dish wants to know if that Fancy Farm Picnic was anything like that Fantasy Farm Amusement Park in Ohio? —Channel 19 News
- I won’t be flying over the event on Saturday, since there probably won’t be a lot of nudists there. —Channel 9 Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Fancy Farm Emcee, Kentucky Supreme Court Justice Bill Cunningham, not the WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker.
—Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of political picnics to show that standing out in all that hot sun when you don’t have to is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who really likes listening to boring political speeches.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially people who even know where Fancy Farm is.
FANCY FARM HOT LINE
e-mail your political propaganda today.
Some out-of-control partisan items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally out-of-control partisan subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Represent.Us: A Movement for the People
(Sent in by Represent.Us: A Movement for the People, who says, “You shouldn’t have to buy access to your own government. That’s why we’re building a movement big enough to force our leaders to stop answering to special-interest cronies and start answering to the people.”
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
