Monday, July 21, 2014
What Ordinary Americans Think Of America’s Future
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen reports only 25% of Likely U.S. Voters say the country is heading in the right direction. That’s the lowest finding since the beginning of December, and we now have only a little more than 15 weeks before the vital 2014 Mid-Term Elections. And during the remaining 913 Days of Dishonesty for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached, just thing how must lower the nation’s optimism might be.
That’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects. We found them still praying for Amnesty for Illegal Immigrants at a candle-light vigil around the Peace Pole in Anderson Township Sunday morning. We just had to find out how many of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, were still on the wrong track under the Obama Administration.
Mama Maruska, Retired Homemaker: Tell those Republicans in Congress things have gotten so bad, my children are out of work. They’ve all moved back home with me along with the grandchildren, and not one of those ingrates is even willing to clean up his own room.
Porky Dorkman, Student: My teacher (who belongs to the union) said everybody in the class had to go home and tell our parents to call their Republican Members of Congress and demand they tell GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner to pass Amnesty so DemocRATS will have more voters in the future.
Marlene Mandible, Totally Unemployable: I hope those mean-spirited Republicans in Congress forget about “Defunding ObamaCare,” because the Ladies on “The View” say DemocRAT Senate Leader Harry Reid will be forced to shut down the government again so our Obama Supporters in the Press can blame it on the Republicans.
Enorma Rashid, Former TV5 Anchorwoman: If Republican in Congress would only forget to investigate the IRS Targeting Obama’s Enemies, I could just sit home alone waiting for Charlie to call, except every time the phone rings it’s just another recorded message from Michelle Obama telling me it’s “Unacceptable” For House Republicans to reverse her School Lunch Mandate.
Linda Libel, Gossip Columnist: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about supporting “Same-Sex Marriages,” maybe The Blower would find more space to publish some of the fallout from my salacious scandals, like all those local media people cheating on their spouses and which one of the three current Anderson Trustees tried to get a free bikini wax at the European Wax Center at the Anderson Towne Center.
Jack Mehoff, Used Solar Panel Salesman: Republicans in Congress need to forget “Suing Obama,” just so there’ll be more money in that government loan guarantee program that funded companies like Obama’s campaign contributors ran at Solyndra.
Suzie Soccermom, TEA Partier: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about “sending Obama’s Paid Liar at the IRS Lois Lerner to jail,” I could attend tomorrow’s live town hall at a local theatre sponsored by Glenn Beck titled, “We Will Not Conform.”
Reverum Calhoun, Minister: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about “Impeaching Obama,” we could all be watching watching to see if Joe Biden and Al Sharpton invoke the name of Trayvon Martin at the National Urban League Convention in Cincinnati on Wednesday.
Leroy Williams, Street Corner Pharmacist: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about “The War on Drugs,” black Hamilton County Judge who played the Race Card after he was stopped at a Courthouse security checkpoint by a deputy who’d never met the judge and whom the judge loudly chastised for not kissing his black ass.
Awan Afuqya, Muslim Sympathizer: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about Obama’s support for Terrorist Organizations, we could all get ready for that big Million Muslim March on September 11 linked to Islamic Radicals on the 13th anniversary of the attack on America that claimed 2,996 lives.
Emily Frump, Retired City Employee: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about Obama’s NSA Snooping Scandal, and The Fishwrap would stop worrying about Girly Mayor Mark Mallory’s Legacy, maybe our New Extreme Liberal City Clown-cil would stop wasting millions on that stupid streetcar and and start worrying about my pension plan.
Bunky Tadwell, The Bard of Cleves: How’s this for my poem today? If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about Balancing the Budget, over-taxed payers will be even deeper in debt. And now that Obama’s second term is almost half over, you still ain’t seen nothing yet.
Seedy Diehl, Northern Kentucky Homeless Guy: If Republicans in Congress would only stop reminding people about Obama’s Historic “Bridge Too Far” Campaign Speech in Cincinnati that will never result in any new bridges being built because money for the Brent Spence Bridge was never included in the Federal Budget, is it all right if I stay in my refrigerator box at the hobo camp and let all you over-taxed payers pay my Medicare expenses under the ObamaTax provisions? 
CH Snitch, 1000 Main Street: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about raising money for their re-election campaigns in 2014, this weekend all those Hamilton County RINO Party Hacks would’ve earned crappy Kasich-Taylor yard signs, if only RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP had remembered to find enough people who would gladly volunteer to walk door-to-door. If only Cleveland hadn’t been selected to host the 2016 Republican National Convention, when Cincinnati, as The Blower predicted, pulled out early during the John Barrett’s and Alex T.’s Wet Dream of bringing the RNC Convention to Totally Blue Hamilton County. 
Sid Schlock, Slumlord: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Path to Prosperity,” some of those deadbeats on welfare who live in my run-down property might even be able to afford to pay the rent and I can wangle myself a seat on the CMHA Board.
Ken CamBoo, Northern Kentucky Journalist: If Republicans in Congress would only forget to ask if Dipsy DemocRAT Alison Wondergams Grimes is a serious candidate for Desperate DemocRATS to run against Bitch McConnell for Kentucky’s U.S. Senate seat, I’d say, “No way. Alison’s a real babe, unlike the usual Liberal women candidates.” 
TEA Party Tim: If Republicans in Congress would only forget about their “Obama’s Latest Distraction” to deflect from all those scandals that aren’t so phony after all, we might’ve had some a few TEA Party Patriots waving “Impeach Obama” signs at an Anti-Illegal Immigration Protest on Saturday, like we saw last year in Boone, Kenton, and Campbell Counties when Vonda Pickens and her Northern Kentucky TEA Party rabble rousers took to the barricades.
Earl Pitts, Taxidermist: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about finding full-time jobs for unemployed Americans, Obama could follow Texas Republican Senator Ted Cruz’s advice and shut down his Internal Revenue Service and turn the agency’s 110,000 employees loose to police the U.S.-Mexico border. 
Ed Norton, Currently Furloughed Northern Kentucky Sewer Worker: If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about demands to bail out unions in Detroit, maybe AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka will explain why the Supreme Court keeps ruling against a union’s ability to collect union dues from scabs who don’t want to belong to the union.
REAL AMERICANS HOT LINE
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