Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Did you ever wonder why we always tell you to Just say “Hell No” to Social Networking on the Whistleblower Disclaimers Page?
Maybe it’s because somebody is still hosting a Faux Facebook page, posting advisories every day about what’s in the latest E-dition on the Whistleblower Newswire and encouraging Facebook fans to become Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s “Facebook Friends.”
You wouldn’t believe how many unsuspecting people have fallen for that trick. There are people from all walks of life on that Faux Friends list. You have rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, horn-swagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank-robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists.
One of our Faux Facebook Friends used to be Eric ‘Call Me Crazy,’ Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator Deters who unsuccessfully pursued a frivolous fool-for-a-client SLAPP Suit against The Blower. No kidding!
So please— think before you send us your Faux Facebook Friend Request. All of you Persons of Consequence who already subscribe to The Blower should really have something better to do with your time. We would feel just a little guilty if we thought we were in any way responsible for contributing to anybody’s Chronic Facebook Addiction, so they would have to join “Facebooks Anonymous” and go to all those stupid meetings. You should be working on your business, or homework, or yard work, or car, your relationship or even your marriage… but instead, you’re wasting your lives away on Facebook!
Bluegrass Broad Beams
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says lately people have been coming up to Freddy Fatass to comment about his appearance.
“You look fantastic since you gained all that weight,” they say.
It’s hard to believe that only a few short months ago, Freddy was a shadow of his present self. He weighed only 160 pounds. Women avoided him. He was ashamed to be seen in public. No matter what, he couldn’t shake that all-over energetic feeling.
So Freddy made up his mind to do something about it. He called Weight Gainers, and it changed his life.
He mortgaged his house, sold his wife and kids, and signed up for a lifetime course. Sure it was expensive, but it included coupons for “two cents off” on Weight Gainers foods now available at grocery stores.
At Camp Broad Beam, a licensed Weight Gainers facility in Northern Kentucky, Freddy discovered how to eat like a pig and love it. There were no strenuous exercises. Special figure-shaping machines did all the work. Haystacks Calhoun and his trained Weight Gainers counselors helped him pack on the pounds. And best of all, there were no shots, no pills, no rigid low-calorie diets, and no bothersome medical examinations.
Attending nightly meetings back in town, the Weight Gainers program worked wonders. After buying the Official Weight Gainers Cookbook,” Ken CamBoo found out how to gain weight and still enjoy junk food.
The Weight Gainers Continuous Eating Plan was designed to change his behavior in positive ways. Soon he was shoveling in 10,000 calories at a feeding.
The Weight Gainers tapes he bought taught Freddy a take-it-easy way to blubber-up through decreased physical activity. The Official Weight Gainers Maintenance Plan Newsletter he subscribed to for only $10-per-week showed him how to keep on the weight he had worked so hard to gain. The Center for Science in the Public Interest told which restaurants offered extremely high calorie, high fat foods. And, if at 3AM, he was suddenly stricken with an uncontrollable urge to stop eating, he could call the Weight Gainers Hotline, and Marc Wilson, Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich, and six sumo wrestlers would come over and barbeque a herd of water buffalo. In short, it was all he needed to gain weight.
Now Freddy Fatass enjoys the sensuous feeling of tighter fitting clothes, He’s only one size away from his goal of squeezing into a pair of size-68 swim trunks.
Overweight chicks come on to him in doubles bars. In fact, next week the Flab sisters are taking him to the Joys of Smorgasbord. It should be a whale of a good time.
Weight Gainers really works. You bet. And Freddy is really happy it does.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our July fund-raising drive by Weight Gainers, for publishing names of all their clients in The Blower.
More Facebook Faux Pas
LADIES, PLEASE: Always remember to get your Botox injections BEFORE you pose for selfies with your teenage daughters. Somebody sent us this Facebook Fright of Crystal Faulkner, Hamilton County RINO Party Stooge who beat TEA Party favorite Christa Criddle. Crystal also gave money to Cincinnati Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback and David A. Pepper, and supported Dainty DemocRAT Mark Mallory over “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup for Mayor. - IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders reports Cleveland has been selected to host the 2016 Republican National Convention, after beating out Dallas for the final nod, Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus announced on Fox News Tuesday. The Vote Fraud Laden DemocRAT city in the critical swing state of Ohio previously bested contenders Denver and Kansas City to host the multi-day event, which the party has indicated will take place in late June or mid-July 2016. Cincinnati, as The Blower predicted, pulled out early during the John Barrett’s and Alex T.’s Wet Dream of bringing the RNC Convention to Totally Blue Hamilton County.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1776, the Liberty Bell rang out in Philadelphia from the tower of the Pennsylvania State House (now known as Independence Hall), summoning citizens to the first public reading of the Declaration of Independence. But why did the inscription on the bell read “Pensylvania?” Maybe Thomas Jefferson needed a spellchecker.
- OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Mark Twain’s “Why, there isn’t a man who doesn’t have to throw out about fifteen hundred words a day when he writes his letters because he can’t spell them! It’s like trying to do a St. Vitus dance with wooden legs.”
REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES are joining the pity party for the wealthy arts patrons who think it’s unfair that Conservative groups like COAST think they should have to pay a user fee to help cover their share of the proposed building renovations. Naturally these rich snobs think that middle and lower-income individuals should have to pay higher taxes on most things they buy so that arts patrons don’t have to pay an extra few bucks for their opera tickets. - ANOTHER REASON TAXES ARE SO HIGH: Clearcreek Township over-taxed payers will be paying COAST’s Avaricious Attorneys Chris Finney and Curt Hartman $196,556 in hourly fees and expenses for winning their case against the township. Thankfully, Warren County Common Pleas Judge James Flannery saved Clearcreek Township over-taxed payers about $45,000 by reduced their hourly fees to an outrageous $300 instead of a really exorbitant $415 and $395 respectively.
SPEAKING OF BIG BUCKS: Will Hamilton County Juvenile Judge John “Undervote” Williams be able to overcome Jennifer Branch’s humongous war chest? The Blower recalls the how the gay-loving DemocRAT Candidate got the biggest legal fee she ever dreamed of for representing Ditzy DemocRAT Hamilton County Juvenile Court Judge Tracie Hunter.- SPEAKING OF PISSING AWAY REALLY BIG BUCKS: our Ambitious Andersonian was looking at Peter $tautberg’s Finance Report to see the names of the Defeated State Rep-Tile’s contributors.
The most interesting thing, other than the $112,039 in-kind support Ohio Republican Party (ORP) leaders blew, was all the money Elected Officials in Anderson Township gave him and that the CEO of First Energy and his wife gave PS $12,000 each ($24,000 total). And on that very same day, the First Energy PAC gave $tautberg $6,100, making his total take on April 28 (only eight days before he became the first incumbent to lose a primary in 18 years) $30,100.
Think about that. “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman had more than 200 contributors give him almost $25,144.52 and $tautberg got $24,000 from one couple from Akron plus $6,100 from their PAC on one day. No wonder they called him The Best Ohio Legislator Money Could Buy.
DEER PARK DISGRACE: Did an ex-councilman who lost his election in Deer Park, really file an “over-taxed payer’s lawsuit” against the city because the Safety Service Director lives outside the ‘burb? Did he even file this after he himself voted, not once, but twice, to approve the Safety Service Director’s Contract that had the implicit waiver – including a car to travel to his home in Milford? Some folks just cannot stand not being in the spotlight!- FOOLS IN SCHOOLS: CPS teachers learned this from their completely and utterly useless union “president” Julie SellYourSoul that retroactive 4% pay raise checks will not be delivered as initially promised. The good news is that the nine week delay in back-paying teachers will save over taxed payers nearly one million dollars. Additionally, SellYourSoul expects teachers to work for free on August 6 to learn about the new contract language. This is quite expected from an unseasoned “leader” who has yet to even deliver the new collective bargaining agreement to the teachers.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about Sarah Palin’s now calling for Obama’s Impeachment. Sassy Sarah said, “The many impeachable offenses of Barack Obama can no longer be ignored. If after all this he’s not impeachable, then no one is.” “It’s nice finally to have Ms. Palin back on the Impeachment Bandwagon,” Kane explained. “How many years has The Blower been saying the same thing?”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Anthony and Becky Alexander, who donated all that money to Defeated State Rep-Tile Peter $tautberg, whose committee spent more than six times the $23,069 that winner “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman’s campaign committee spent.
Some of Today’s Better Political Cartoons
FACEBOOKS ANONYMOUS HOT LINE
E-mail your twitters and tweets today
Some anti-social networking items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally anti-social networking subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER LINK OF THE DAY
Facebook Addicts Anonymous
(Sent in by Whistleblower Fake Facebook Friend Armstrong Rhemus, who swears that’s his real name.)
PLUS
Psychologist Discusses Facebook Addiction
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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