Saturday, June 28, 2014
More NASCAR Left-Turn Only Jokes
BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO says they’re running out of hype this weekend promoting Saturday’s big NASCAR (Non Athletic Sport Created Around Rednecks) Race at the Northern Kentucky Speedway, and The CamBoozler remembers the news media’s confusion last year about which event to cover that weekend — the Gay Pride Parade in Downtown Cincinnati or the hillbilly Quaker State 400 Race in Northern Kentucky. Maybe they should’ve combined the two events.
“If you think that was confusing,” CamBoo explained, “think about what would happen if some of the participants had shown up at the wrong event. Some drivers would be racing some really colorful cars in Sparta and Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory would’ve been there to throw out the first pitch, and in Downtown Cincinnati, Tony Stewart driving the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile (scheduled to appear at the Newport Kroger superstore on Saturday) would’ve covered the gay pride parade route in less than two seconds,” or at least as fast as Aroldis Chapman’s neighbors on his Anderson Oaks cul de sac say the Reds’ Overpaid Relief Pitcher’s $200,000 Lamborghini comes roaring in way after curfew every night.
THIS WILL ALSO BE A BIG WEEKEND for all those politicians trying to raise money for the 2014 Elections in only 129 more days. June 30, is the “Most Important Date in History” for all those candidates and for WGUC spamming their contributors, too. Check your in-box and see how many emails you get about the “critical end of quarter deadline.”
CALL RIPLEY’S: Believe it or not, John Koskinen claims he has “no idea” why Obama’s Paid Liar Lois Lerner pled the Fifth Amendment, as Obama-Donor IRS Commissioner keeps getting caught in more lies about how Obama’s IRS “Deliberately Destroyed” Lois Lerner’s e-mails? These days, things are happening faster than they can be explained away. Maybe that’s why some reporters now appear to be covering Obama’s IRS Scandal. And more Republicans are talking about “Impeachment.” Now Texas Senator “TEA Party Ted” Cruz says Obama’s Dishonest Attorney General Eric Holder must appoint a Special Prosecutor in the IRS Case, or face “Impeachment.” How many years has that been overdue?
CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET says yesterday The Blower reported Indicted Ditzy DemocRAT Hamilton County Juvenile Court Judge Tracie Hunter called Hamilton County Prosecutor “Jaywalking Joe” Deters a “Vindictive Motherfucker,” but we forgot to mention Deters’ rabid response. CH says, “Deters probably took it as a compliment.”- AND DID YOU SEE where “Outside Groups” spent $23 million to crush the TEA Party in GOP primaries this year? And that doesn’t even include the “Inside Groups” like the Ohio House Republican Caucus that wasted $112K in the House District 27 Primary attacking “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman and are now touting him for the very same things they attacked him for two months ago.
- TIRELESS TROUBLEMAKER TINO DELGATO wonders what Tracie Hunter’s bailiff did to get his sorry ass arrested on Wednesday at the Courthouse. Go Figure!!! Tino also wonders after reading Cincinnati’s Stupid Streetcar will lose $1-2 million on operations each year, how much could be saved by NOT running the Folly Trolley at all. And where are Mark Mallory and the six former Councilmen who voted for this? Tino’s guessing they are now trying out for jobs on the Ship of Fools on the Ohio River.
REMEMBER BACK IN APRIL when deadbeat Liz Rogers of the infamous Mahogany restaurant promised (again) she was going to pay all her back loan payments to the city of Cincinnati? Surprise, surprise! Deadbeat Liz hasn’t paid the city since October of 2013, when she paid $3,073.13. Liz hasn’t made any payments for November and December of 2013. Nor has she made any payments for the six months of 2014. Has the city sent her any demands to pay? Nary a one. Why are Cincinnati’s Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley, City Clowncil, and our Kneepad Liberals in the Press letting this travesty continue? Maybe they just doesn’t want anybody to call they a “Racists!”
IN ANDERSON: The Lyons YMCA is sponsoring a “Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest” today. White people are also allowed to participate. BYOW! (For you FCPS Honor Students, that stands for “Bring Your Own Watermelon.”- DISGRUNTLED DEMOCRATS continue to complain about the way Hamilton County Demo Labor Party Boss Tim Burka is running his Party. They say the only time Burka calls is when he wants money. Sean Patrick Feeney just moved here from Terre Haute, Indiana. What qualifies him for anything? Another situation involves Bentley Davis who received Burke’s support a year ago to run for the legislative seat for which Christie Bryant is now the endorsed candidate. Burke contacted Bentley a week before the filing deadline and told her to withdraw.
Bryant’s only previous political activity was to contribute to Charlie Winburn’s campaign last year. In the process of endorsing Christie before the primary, Burke contacted Bentley’s employer and threatened their state funding if they permitted Bentley to run. Consequently, Bentley was forced to withdraw, all of which begs the question—why are these companies getting state funding anyway. 
IN FRIDAY’S E-DITION, The Blower added an update/correction to “NO ATHEISTS IN FOXHOLES” not really written by Ernie Pyle Like an earlier e-mail about the alleged removal of cross-shaped headstones from cemeteries, The Blower discovered that this item was a fabricated exaggeration of the American Civil Liberties Union’s (ACLU) stance on the overlap of government and religion. It didn’t represent either a real event or a position the ACLU has taken, and the supposed spokespeople quoted — Marine Colonel Jack Fessender and ACLU spokesman Lucius Traveler — didn’t exist.
That’s why The Blower always advises people to double-check the accuracy of all those e-mails they forward to their friends.
Noted ACLU Attorney Scott Greenwood says, This story is just like the ‘removing crosses on military tombstones’ and ‘War on Christmas’ myths circulated about the ACLU. I’d fight like hell for these Marines’ ability to choose individually to pray for themselves, their fellow Marines, and their fallen brothers in arms.”
Can The Blower ever suck up when it’s necessary, or what?!
THE ‘CALENDAR ARCHIVE WIDGET” at the lower left corner of Whistleblower-Newswire Web Page is still “Not Working,” “Our WordPress Wizard says, “It’s still broke.” And the Tech Support Team a GoDaddy.com (where our web site is hosted) promises to respond to our problem really soon. In the meantime, if any of our wily web developers out there have any ideas, please let us know.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1969, a police raid of the Stonewall Inn (a gay club located on New York City’s Christopher Street) turned violent as patrons and local sympathizers begin rioting against the police, and that’s where “Stonewall” got its name, and Whistleblower Alternate Life-Styles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis report folks working on floats for last month’s Gay Pride Parade in Cincinnati are still wondering why that event was a month early.- FINALLY AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about last year’s shortage of hype over the U.S. Supreme Court’s Gay Marriage Decision.
“Don’t forget,” Kane explained, “Today’s the second anniversary of the date the Supreme Court ruled to uphold Obama’s Health Care Legacy by defining ObamaCare as a ‘tax’ (which Obama and every last one of those Disingenuous DemocRATS in Congress claimed time and time again it wasn’t).”
“And say what you will about SOTUS, Thursday was the 13th time the Roberts Court has unanimous struck down Obama’s power grabs since 2012, which is why Deceitful D-RATS are worried that Boehner’s Lawsuit could slow down Obama’s Lawless Administration, during the next 936 more Days of Dishonesty for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Sean Patrick Feeney, whoever the hell he is, and for whatever the hell he has on Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka.
KENTUCKY SPEEDWAY HOT LINE
e-mail your free tickets today.
Some NASCAR Fan items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally NASCAR Fan subscribers.
Auto Racing Link of the Day
BEST NASCAR PRAYER EVER
(Sent in by NASCAR Enthusiast “T-Bone” Tadwell, who shaved his back to honor the memory of iconic American Race Car Driver Dale Earnhardt.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
“Holiday Price Hikes” By James Jay Schifrin
Today in Patronage County, everybody was filling up his gas tank to avoid the holiday price hikes this week, and our three Cost-Conscious County Commissioners were complaining about the high price of gasoline these days.
“Why do they always raise gasoline prices before a holiday?” asked Commissioner Filch.
“It’s a tradition,” said Commissioner Swindle. “Clueless Consumers expect gas prices to rise, so when they do, they grumble about it as they pay it.”
“According to a recent study, gasoline price hikes are a function of wholesale prices, not greed as some may suspect,” added Commissioner Pilfer.
“That survey was probably paid for by the Gas Price Gougers of America,” said Swindle. “Have you seen the gas prices in Kentucky these days?”
“For the first time in three years, the average price of gasoline in Northern Kentucky is more than $4 per gallon. The price is more than 20 cents a gallon higher than the average price across the Ohio River in Southwest Ohio,” Filch explained.
“And the national average price of a gallon of gas is about 20 cents higher than it was a year ago,” Swindle said. “You can thank Obama’s Feckless Foreign Policy for keeping our energy costs unaffordably high.”
“But that still doesn’t explain why gasoline prices always seem to increase right before a holiday,” Pilfer said.
“That’s easy. Oil companies raise their prices for the same reason dogs lick themselves, Swindle concluded. “Because they can!”
This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
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