Monday, June 23, 2014
Feeling Proud to Be An American
Please forgive us for gloating this morning, but something very special just arrived in the mail, and we can’t help feeling just a little proud and patriotic. We knew it had to be official, because inside the envelope was a letter signed by The Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus himself. And just like Anderson Township Trustee Andy Pappas, it didn’t even cost us $32,400 for a ticket to get inside last week’s RNC fundraiser at the Queen City Club featuring Jeb “Fighting for Amnesty” Bush and Rob “Fighting for Same-Sex Marriages” Portman. All of which seemed pretty ironic, especially since the 2016 RNC National Convention would not be held in Cincinnati.
Hurley the Historian says on this date in 1973, President Richard Nixon’s advisor, H.R. Haldeman, told the president to put pressure on the head of the FBI to “stay the hell out of this [Watergate burglary investigation] business” and Nixon’s legacy would be assured, just like Obama’s and his trusty Attorney General Eric Holder’s, who by the way, is looking more like John Mitchell every day. And Our Quote for Today Committee says Richard Nixon really said, “When the President does it, that means that it is not illegal.”
Now with only 941 more days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached, our new best friend Reince (rhymes with “Heinz”) says we were among a select group of citizens who’d been especially chosen to take part in an official survey by a major political party.
It wasn’t just any old Robocall survey, because after compiling and modeling demographic information for the thousands of activists in the RNC database, we had been selected to represent voters in our area in the “Official 2014 Republican Strategy Survey,” featuring “Five Quick Questions to Build a Better Party. It had been assigned and prepared especially for us, so we could represent the views and opinions of all the people living in our voting district. The official document even had an official registration number and a survey tracking number. It’s hard to get much more official than that.
Our immediate action was required and our answers to all the questions on the survey were vital, because they’d be used by a major political party to stop the creeping socialism, massive accumulation of federal debt, and economic stagnation that Obama’s policies have wrought upon our nation.
Because without our answers, the Party’s leaders would never know how real Americans just like us at the grassroots level really feel about the critical issues we wanted to see at the forefront of our candidates’ campaign platforms and at the top of our elected leaders’ agenda.
And without our answers, the Party couldn’t fully develop a campaign plan to organize and energize ordinary Americans, so they would get out and vote.
You can’t imagine humble it made us feel to know that the future of a major political party, and the conservative movement, and our national all depended on our answers of the RNC’s 2014 Republican Strategy Survey to make sure Republicans could control both the House and Senate in Congress.
Reince (rhymes with “Heinz”) really wanted to know if we supported Republican efforts to reform entitlements, cut spending, and put our nation on track to a balanced federal budget without raising taxes.
Reince (rhymes with “Heinz”) really wanted to know how the Republican Party should try to keep all those disruptive TEA Party Patriots under control.
Reince (rhymes with “Heinz”) really wanted to know if we supported a full repeal of the ObamaCare healthcare legislation that Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid passed without revealing its full details, ever-rising costs, and negative effects on quality, access, and affordability.
Reince (rhymes with “Heinz”) really wanted to know if we agreed with Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS that higher tax rates and more federal spending are the keys to spurring economic growth.
Reince (rhymes with “Heinz”) really wanted to know if we believed Obama has done enough to strengthen and improve border security.
Reince (rhymes with “Heinz”) really wanted to know if we supported expanding offshore drilling and increasing exploration for domestic oil and gas reserves to lessen our dependence on imported fuels.
And if that wasn’t enough, Reince (rhymes with “Heinz”) also really wanted to know what we thought about the “myriad of Obama’s Scandals” we may have heard about on Fox News lately, and if Real Republicans in the House should begin Impeachment proceedings.
Reince (rhymes with “Heinz”) thanked us for our continued support and said if we mailed back our completed survey in a special envelope stamped “2014 REPUBLICAN STRATEGY SURVEY” in BIG RED LETTERS, we’d really be helping the country out if we also paid the return postage ourselves.
Along with the completed survey, the Party would also be happy to receive our patriotic contribution of $25, $50, $100, $250, $500, $1,000, or even $2,400 to help the National Republican Leadership take on the liberal Obama DemocRATS in 2014 and expand on the victories Republicans had achieved in 2010 by taking back the White House and electing more Republicans at all levels of government.
And if that doesn’t make you feel proud and patriotic, we don’t know what would. Unless by the remotest of chances, the RNC really didn’t care what we thought and mailing us that “Official 2014 Republican Strategy Survey” was just another political fund-raising scam.
OFFICIAL 2014 REPUBLICAN STRATEGY SURVEY HOT LINE
e-mail your meaningless opinions today
Some political fund-raising items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political fund-raising subscribers, but we could always use more.
RNC Link of the Day
Americans Deserve Answers
Sent in by our Our New Best Friend, Reince Priebus Himself.
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.