Friday, June 20, 2014
Barack to the Future
Terrorists of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) threaten Baghdad, leaving thousands of slaughtered Iraqis in their wake.
Military Analysts say the fall of the Iraqi cities of Fallujah, Tikrit, Mosul and Tel Afar, and the establishment of terrorist safe havens across a large swath of the Arab world present a strategic threat to the security of the United States, and Obama’s inactions—before and after ISIS’s recent advances in Iraq— have the effect of increasing that threat.
In the face of this threat, Obama is busy ushering America’s adversaries into positions of power in the Middle East. First it was the Russians in Syria. Now, in a move that defies credulity, he toys with the idea of ushering Iran into Iraq. Only a fool would believe American policy in Iraq should be ceded to Iran, the world’s largest state sponsor of terror.
Thursday, Obama announced he was sending his Doofus Secretary of State John Kerry to the Middle East in response to the Iraq crisis, and that we was also prepared to send up to 300 military advisers. A lot of good that will do!
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than former Vice President Dick Cheney, who says, “Rarely has a U.S. president been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many. Too many times to count, Mr. Obama has told us he is ‘ending’ the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan—as though wishing made it so. His rhetoric has now come crashing into reality. Watching the black-clad ISIS jihadists take territory once secured by American blood is final proof, if any were needed, that America’s enemies are not ‘decimated.’ They are emboldened and on the march.”
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in rewarding anybody blasting Obama’s feckless foreign policy to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose John F. Kennedy’s “Domestic policy can only defeat us; foreign policy can kill us.”
- “USMC BEST JOKE OF THE YEAR” by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.
The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. And he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Communist who isn’t even an American. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!
And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.”
- “THE MORALITY OF DISHONESTY” by Willie Sutton
A few years ago robbers entered a bank in a small town. One of them shouted: “Don’t move! The money belongs to the bank. Your lives belong to you.” Immediately all the people in the bank laid on the floor quietly and without panic. This is an example of how the correct wording of a sentence can make everyone change their view of the world.
One woman laid on the floor in a provocative manner. The robber approached her saying, ” Ma’am, this is a robbery not a rape. Please behave accordingly.” This is an example of how to behave professionally, and focus on the goal.
While running from the bank the youngest robber (who had a college degree) said to the oldest robber (who had barely finished elementary school): “Hey, maybe we should count how much we stole.” The older man replied: “Don’t be stupid. It’s a lot of money so let’s wait for the news on TV to find out how much money was taken from the bank.” This is an example of how life experience is more important than a degree.
After the robbery, the manager of the bank said to his accountant: “Let’s call the cops and tell them how much has been stolen.”
“Wait,” said the Accountant, “before we do that, let’s add the $800,000 we took for ourselves a few months ago and just say that it was stolen as part of today’s robbery.” This is an example of taking advantage of an opportunity.
The following day it was reported in the news that the bank was robbed of $3 million. The robbers counted the money, but they found only $1 million so they started to grumble. “We risked our lives for $1 million, while the bank’s management robbed two million quid without blinking? Maybe it’s better to learn how to work the system, instead of being a simple robber.” This is an example of how knowledge can be more useful than power.
Moral: Give a person a gun, and he can rob a bank. Give a person a bank, and he can rob everyone.
- “TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN,” by Some Very Famous People
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. —Jay Leno
The problem with political jokes is they get elected. —Henry Cate
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office —Aesop
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. —Nikita Khrushchev
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. —Clarence Darrow
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. —Author Unknown
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnels. —John Quinton
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. —Oscar Ameringer
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. —Adlai Stevenson, Campaign Speech, 1952
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. —Tex Guinan
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. —Charles de Gaulle
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. —Doug Larson
There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on Congressmen. —Will Rogers
- AND A QUICKIE By Billy Boner
CONDOM HISTORY
And yet another interesting piece of history. In 1272, the Islamic Muslims invented the condom, using a goat’s lower intestine.
In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’reWorking On
ISIS Takeovers In Iraq: Biggest Islamist Victory Since 9/11- IRS Scandal ‘Worse Than Watergate’
- Homeland Security Department Paying For Illegals To Be ESCORTED INTO USA
- Carney: I Never Told A Lie While Serving As White House Spokesman
- Public Confidence In Congress Hits 41-Year Low
- Hillary’s Book Sales Only 20% Of Palin’s After First Week
- McConnell Coming To NoKY With Bogus Plan To Pay For Bridge
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said will be the best part of this weekend’s Paddlefest Festivities:
(A) Making Cincinnati the Paddling Capital of America: 2%
(B) Paddling your kayak down the 8.2 miles to Yeatman’s Cove: 1%
(C) Walking your kayak the 8.2 miles back to Coney Island where you parked your car: 1%
(D) Watching Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis paddle each other’s bottoms at the Gay Paddlefest at Sawyer Point: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Some of Today’s Conservative Political Cartoons
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Taxed to the Max
This week, everybody who can’t understand how his real estate values can be plummeting during the Obama Recession at the same time his property taxes are being jacked up, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted anti-taxer Norquist Tadwell, who says, “I wouldn’t mind paying these jacked-up taxes, if only they were educating the kids with the money.”
Norquist wins an autographed photo of the County Auditor with Egg All Over His Face, an Official Whistleblower Jacked-up Property Values Complaint Form, free tickets to a seminar to learn how to successfully challenge the Auditor’s phony baloney value for his property, a “No More Drive-By Appraisals” sign for his yard, and tips from Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz on how he got his old pal the Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor (who was permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street) to give him an historic tax reduction. His winning entry is:
When you pay your real estate taxes,
Don’t ask where your money goes if you want factses,
Just watch for Castellini and Mike Brown,
First in line at the Courthouse downtown
Making huge profits off of our backses.
And from the Anderson Laureate (who says, “I hope I get a decent present this year, or at least have my poetic license reinstated.”)
When you pay your real estate taxes
Can you see how the auditor relaxes?
He don’t have to work,
The greedy old jerk,
He just robs us, and them’s what the facts is.
And if he feels like hiking them higher
You might start looking for a home buyer
You can beg him for cuts
But he’s got you by the nuts
And your situation is nothing but dire.
If your taxes go up more and more
Eventually you’re gonna end up poor
If you have no more money
It really won’t be funny
When you get a foreclosure notice on your door.
But that won’t bother ol’ Dusty a bit
If you’re broke, he won’t give a shit.
He’ll just sit back and grin
And raise taxes again
And I don’t think that he’ll ever quit.
So maybe the answer is to rent
And let your landlord lament
You won’t own a house
And you’ll be poor as a church mouse
You might end up under a bridge in a tent.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Obama says it’s now good to be gay”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, the Hamilton County RINO Party’s Unknown Candidate for Hamilton County Auditor, whose stealth campaign with now only 137 more days until November’s Elections is making “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman’s Losing 2010 “No More Drive By Appraisals Campaign” look fantastic by comparison.
SUMMER SOLSTICE HOT LINE
e-mail your summery judgments today.
Some solstice celebrating items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally celebrating subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Most Arrogant Man In The World
(Sent in by Former Obama Defense Secretary Robert Gates, Who Slammed Obama In His New Book For Being Openly “Distrustful” And “Suspicious” of The Military, and Biden For “Being Wrong On Nearly Every Major Foreign Policy And National Security Issue Over Past Four Decades.”
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
