Friday, June 13, 2014
Happy Friday the Thirteenth, Everybody!
Our Garrulous Grammarian says the first thing we need to do is to explain the difference between “Triskaidekaphobia” and “Paraskevidekatriaphobia”
Triskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number thirteen. It comes from “treiskaideka,” the Greek word for thirteen plus “phobia,” which means “fear of,” so Triskaidekaphobia would be “a fear of thirteen.”
Paraskevidekatriaphobia is the Fear of Friday the 13th. The word “paraskevidekatriaphobia” was devised by Dr. Donald Dossey, founder of the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, N.C, who told his patients that “when you learn to pronounce it, you’re cured!”
Hurley the Historian says Miranda rights were established on this date in 1966. How lucky was that for the all the criminals?
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose this French Proverb: “A person is unlucky who falls on his back and breaks his nose.”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Dr. Donald Dossey, who asks if you ever wondered why Friday became the bad day of the week instead of, say, Monday? Who started this fear of the number “13” anyway – some dysfunctional Roman family, an alcoholic Norseman, maybe a drug induced Druid? Which old-timey superstitious “cures” can help you deal with fear of Friday the 13th, and if walking around your house 13 times really wards off evil spirits? Maybe it would be better to chew a piece of beef gristle while standing on your head.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in rewarding anybody making fun of stupid superstitions to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Edmond Burke’s “Superstition is the religion of feeble minds.”
- “OBAMA’S SNEAKY NEW TAX” by Porter Stansberry
You may have heard about a new currency law coming to America. On July 1 of this year, Title V of the Obama Administration’s HR Bill #2847, known as FATCA, goes into effect.
And after collectively spending more than 100 hours reading the actual legislation and its associated news coverage, there are four concerns to be aware of…
1. Most people mistakenly think they’re not affected by FATCA. If you are a U.S. citizen… or if you hold any of your money in U.S. dollars, this new law definitely affects you.
2. The more you trade and invest, the more likely you are to get hit hard by this new bill.
3. It is not difficult for an American overtaxed payer to be labeled “recalcitrant” as part of this new law. And as soon as you are… you potentially become subject to a 30% tax.
4. The implementation of FATCA has been delayed several times, but now the IRS says it will not be delayed anymore. It will go into full effect on July 1 of this year.
In fact, on April 2 of this year, the new IRS commissioner said, “Whatever else we are going to do, we are going to implement the non-discretionary legislative mandates we have been given: the Affordable Care Act and FATCA.”
Every American needs to learn about this law. Get the facts, and learn how to protect yourself.
- “A MONUMENT FOR HILLARY” by $tan Che$ley
I have the distinguished honor of being on the Committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument of Hillary R. Clinton. We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enoughroom for two more faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall Of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside her husband William J. Clinton, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest DemocRAT of them all. He left, not knowing where he was going and when he got there he didn’t know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on somebody else’s money.
Thank you, Hillary R. Clinton Committee P. S. The Committee has raised $1.35 so far.
- “ONLY AT 88 COULD YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS,” not by Don Rickles, but rather a satirical political piece entitled “Don Rickles Roasts Congress… and Barack Obama” by Doug Ross
Hello, Dummies! Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?
Seriously, Senator Reid has a face of a Saint – A Saint Bernard. Now I know why they call you the arithmetic man. You add partisanship, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Reid is so physically unimposing, he makes Pee Wee Herman look like Mr. T. And Reid’s so dumb, he makes Speaker Pelosi look like an intellectual. Nevada is soooo screwed! If I were less polite, I’d say Reid makes Kevin Federline look successful.
Speaking of the Speaker… Nancy Pelosi, hubba, hubba! Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity. Seriously, the ex- Speaker may look like an idiot and talks like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. She really is an idiot.
Charlie Rangel … Still alive and still robbing the taxpayers blind. What does that make, six decades of theft? Rangel’s the only man with a rent-controlled mansion. He’s the guy who writes our tax laws but forgot to pay taxes on $75 grand in rental income! So why isn’t he the Treasury Secretary? Rangel runs more scams than a Nigerian Banker.
Barney Frank … he’s a better actor than Fred Flintstone. Consider that he and Dodd caused the whole financial meltdown, and they’re not only not serving time with Bubba and Rodney, they’re still heading up the financial system! Let’s all admit it … Barney Frank slobbers more than a sheepdog on Novocain. How did this guy get elected? Oh, that’s right … he’s from Massachusetts. That’s the state that elects Mr. Charisma, John Kerry — man of the people!
You know, if Senator Dodd were any more crooked, you could open wine bottles with him. Here’s a news flash, Dodd: When your local newspaper calls you a “lying weasel,” it may be time to retire. Dodd’s involved in more shady deals than the Clintons. Even Rangel looks up to him!
Former Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, I really respect you … Especially given your upbringing ~ All you’ve overcome. I heard your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory. I don’t know what makes you so dumb, but it really works for you. Personally, I don’t think you’re a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?
As for President Hussein Obama, what can I say? They say Hussein is arrogant and aloof, but I don’t agree. Now it’s true when you enter the room, you have to kiss his ring. I don’t mind, but he has it in his back pocket. His mind is open to new ideas — so open that ideas simply pass through it. Obama lies so much, I was actually surprised to find out his first name really is Barry or Barack or something? Just don’t ask about his middle name! But Obama was able to set a record… He actually lied more in one day than Bill Clinton did in four years.
- AND A QUICKIE By Father Guido Sarducci
A guy enters a Roman Catholic Church confessional booth in D.C.
He tells the Priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the hell out of an Obama supporter.”
The Priest responds, “My son, I’m here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’re Working On
Obama Still Not Apologizing for Taliban Terrorists’ Release- Russian Bombers Fly Within 50 Miles of California Coast
- Another Hillary Gaffe at Chicago Appearance
- Cantor Loses By 11 Million Votes
- Bush 41 to Mark 90th Birthday With Parachute Jump
- Some Hamilton County DemoCRATS Still Disgruntled
- Joseph Hall Still On the Loose in Northern Kentucky
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said people should be observing Friday the Thirteenth: (A) Not walking under ladders: 2% (B) Not opening umbrellas indoors: 1% (C) Making sure a black cat doesn’t cross your path: 1% (D) Watching to see how many more terrorists Obama lets loose: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Some of Today’s Conservative Political Cartoons
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Who’s Your Daddy?
This week, everybody who thinks the City’s population will never increase as long as every time a baby’s born, some guy leaves town, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Gary Goodson, who says he hopes his unappreciative offspring read his limerick before Sunday so he might get a decent present for once.
Gary wins a “World’s Greatest Dad” coffee mug from K-mart, a Father’s Day Card his wife made with free crappy clip art downloaded from the internet, and a call from the nursing home reminding him that he hasn’t visited his own father for the last six months. His winning limerick is:
To honor your dad on Father’s Day Here is what I would say Whether chili and cheese Or two girls on their knees Your old man would love a 3-way.
Dishonorable Mentions
PFC Kadon’s Entry To honor your dad on Father’s Day, Allow him to sadly give you away To the United States Navy, the pride of the fleet, And with pride mixed with tears that are so bittersweet, Watch you ship out to the tune of “Anchors Aweigh.”
Howard Wilkinson’s Entry To honor your dad on Father’s Day Forget the tie or the hanky – that’s gay. Buy him a weekend at the Holiday Inn Where he and your mother can frolic and sin And have an extended roll in the hay.
Bill Sloat’s Entry To honor your dad on Father’s Day Please refrain from calling him gay He has paid your six years of tuition For a job that has never come to fruition And in his home he’s still letting you stay.
Rob Sanders’ Entry To honor your dad on Father’s Day Think of something positive to say, Like, “Gee, Dad you were great!” “I’m sorry my thanks is so late.” “You may not be perfect, but you sure were OK!”
“Jaywalking Joe” Deters’ Entry To honor your dad on Father’s Day You really want him to play So go to your mother Or his significant other And tell her to do it his way.
“In Russ We Trust” Jackson’s Entry To honor your dad on Father’s Day Is a hallowed part of the American Way. The family is the foundation Of our Western Civilization; It keeps the godless State ever at bay.
Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson’s Entry To honor your dad on Father’s Day, And show how you feel, you must display, Gratitude for once, You ungrateful dunce, 
No wonder the geezer is old and grey.
Phil Burr-Ass’ Entry To honor your dad on Father’s Day Try to think of something different to say, Instead of “I need money, Or you’re the Easter Bunny”. (And for Pete’s sake, don’t tell him you’re gay!)
And from the Anderson Laureate (whose nine stanza limerick must certainly be some sort of world’s record.”)
To honor your dad on Father’s Day Bring him a steak on a TV tray Or thank him profusely 
With vodka and orange juicely But if he’s a bum, just say “Oy vey!”
Now some guys make wonderful daddies But among the good there’s the “baddies” He should just keep his pants zipped If they don’t want to get whipped And just become batboys or caddies.
To humor your dad on Father’s Day Though the rest of the year you stay away Just be truthful and candid And tell him you’ve been stranded On a mountain in the Himalay
You know how gullible some dads are He’ll believe why you’ve been remaining afar He’s such a poor sap He’ll believe all of your crap And might even buy you a new car.
But think of the saying “time will tell” You may fall for a gorgeous young belle If your sperm isn’t bad You might someday be a dad, And remember paybacks are hell!
Your kid will be thinking just like you And your present will be a necktie or two When what would really make you cheer Would be a freight car full of beer And a CD of Johnny Cash’s “Boy named Sue.”
So what goes around comes around And trust me, my thinking is sound Your boy will be like you And do everything you do Until they lower you into the ground.
So strike while the iron is hot Get him a gift he ain’t got Something he’ll like Like a new Harley bike I promise he’ll love you a lot.
But if he’s too old for a cycle Don’t put yourself in a pickle The thought is what counts Not sizes or amounts He’ll accept a shiny new nickel.
The first line of next week’s limerick is: 
“When you pay your real estate taxes”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering, who says failure to receive a tax bill will not avoid such penalty and/or interest if you’re late mailing your Real Estate Taxes.
FRIDAY THE 13TH HOT LINE
E-mail your luckless legends today
Some superstitious items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally superstitious subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
NewsBusted 6/10/14
(Sent in by L. Brent Bozell III, Founder and President, Media Research Center, following The Blower’s lead exposing and combating Liberal Media Bias, but only since 2005.”)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
