Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
The big day has finally arrived, but will the National Spotlight really be on Kentucky tonight to see the results of the Bluegrass Primary Elections? —Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus- Today’s turnout in Kentucky might not match The Blower’s single digit prediction, but with me running for U.S. Senator in the DemocRAT Primary to see who gets to be outspent by Bitch McConnell in Kentucky’s U.S. Senate race in November, it could be the lowest turnout in history. —Chief Election Official Alison Wondergams Grimes
- Just remember what Jesse “The Body” Ventura always said: “If you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to someone even dumber than you are.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
- People who don’t vote have no right to complain. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
- For weeks, everybody’s been wondering if history would once again repeat itself, like when TEA Party Candidate Rand Paul sent the establishment’s Trey Grayson back to Harvard in shame from his ass-kicking in that U.S. Senate Race GOP Primary. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
Watching the Bluegrass Primary results in 2010 was the worst night of my life. —Trey Grayson- Please don’t ask which Republican Senatorial Candidate I’m supporting. —Rand Paul
- Did Rand Paul even support me for Senate Minority Leader? —Bitch McConnell
- I endorsed Matt Bevin for U.S. Senate to hold elected officials accountable, because my mission is to SAVE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, not just beat Disingenuous DemocRATS. —Boondoggle County TEA Party Guy Brett Gaspard
Don’t forget, I also endorsed Matt Dedden for Boondoggle County Judge Executive. —Kentucky GOP Fourth District Congressman Thomas Massie- Trish “The Dish” is sure both of those guys named Matt are the same person. —TV 19 News
- Did that Campbell County Poll for Judge-Executive taken by the Apartment Association really show Spendery limping along only slightly ahead of Kevin “Give ’em Hell” Sell, with lots of undecided voters? —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
We’re just waiting until May 21 to see if the Bluegrass TEA Party can humiliate the Republican Establishment one more time. —Perplexed Political Pundits- And we’re doing our best to keep all that “Little Money” out of politics. —Super PACs
- Remember what we always say: “A vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil. — Loony Libertarians
- Does anybody remember how long it’s been since I did my crazy election election picks in The Blower? —Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
- On this date in 1862, Lincoln signed the Homestead Act, but to qualify under Kentucky’s homestead exemption, each person claiming the exemption shall file an application with the Property Valuation Administrator of the county in which the applicant resides.—Hurley the Historian
I hope I did better this year managing Campbell County Sheriff Jeff Kidwell’s re-election campaign, than I did trying to help my protégé Rick “The Batboy” Robinson when he ran against Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams in the 1998 GOP Congressional Primary. —“BeanBall Jim” Bunning- Does a photo op with the UK Wildcats count as campaigning in Kentucky? —Bluegrass Politicians
- Why are there so many unsolved murders in Kentucky? Because there are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA. —Your Late Night TV Jokewatcher
- What if we said “No Republican has ever won the White House without first winning Kentucky?” —Former Fishwrapper Howard Wilkinson, who has never been heard from again at WNKU-FM in Northern Kentucky
Where can we go to “unregister” so we stop getting all those Robocalls? —Registered Republicans- We’re waiting to see how many of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Northern Kentucky Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice take a copy of our irrelevant idiotorial endorsements to the polls. —Skaggie Maggie’s Feckless Fishwrappers
- How else would we ever be able to remember who to vote for with so many unmemorable candidates? —Dumbed-Down Fishwrap Subscribers
- After tonight, what will we have to do to get our names in The Blower again? —Chris Knocklehead and Matt Dedden
- We were never mentioned in the first place. —Delusional DemocRAT Senate Candidates Tom Recktenwald, Burrel Charles Farnsley, and Gregory Brent Leichty
- We miss Gatewood. —Northern Kentucky Potheads
- Seriously, everybody—am I supposed to be running for anything today? —Former Fourth District Congressman Goof Doofus
- At Last Friday night’s Spring Fling at the Radisson in Covington, all the primary candidates were there. Bitch McConnell sent his wife and Rand Paul appeared by video. Candidates put their signs along the wall, either on the railing or using tape. Not Kris Knocklehead. He nailed his signs into the banquet room’s crown molding. —The Kenton County Republican Party
Candidates were given three minutes to speak and were told not to sling any mud. Knocklehead used part of his time to accuse Jon Draud of being a puppet of Steve Arlinghaus. The normally zombie-like Draud became livid. Draud used his time to announce that four years ago when he started as county commissioner, he met with Knocklehead and Beth Sewell. According to Draud, at this meeting Knocklehead proposed that the three of them stick together, hold the county hostage and prevent Steve Arlinghaus from getting anything done. Draud asserted to the crowd at the Fling that he’s “nobody’s puppet.” —Bluegrass Backstabbers- The problem with this year’s primary was that there were not enough negative attack ads. —Greedy TV Ad Salesmen
After this term you won’t have me to kick around anymore. —Scarry Garry Edmonson- Covering the news in Kentucky is a big problem because it’s like a whole different state. —TV 19’s Trish the Dish
- When did they change Kentucky’s State Motto to “Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names?” —TV5’s Sheree Paolello
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Scarry Garry Edmondson, who thinks we won’t have him to kick around any more.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of so-called Voting Rights Activists to show that “whining about Early Voting and Voter Fraud” is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Disingenuous DemocRAT.
BLUEGRASS PRIMARY HOTLINE
e-mail your voter fraud sightings today.
Some Bluegrass bashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Bluegrass Bashing subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Judge Jeanine Pirro Opening Statement – Veterans Left To Die
(Sent in by Justin Sanders, who says, “My brother Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders asks you to please remind voters they can’t vote for me in my non-partisan race for Kentucky Court of Appeals until November.”
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
