Monday, May 19, 2014
We Won’t Endorse….
by Charles Foster Kane
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher
Before every election, The Whistleblower-Newswire is always deluged with calls, faxes, text messages, and e-mails asking which candidates and issues we plan to endorse. As the official publication for all that scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing which will be forever known as Bluegrass Indecision 2014, our readers have every right to expect nothing less. But the fact that only one day before the Bluegrass Primary Elections on May 20 (May 21 for DemocRATS), after all of our penetrating reporting and scathing commentary, there can be any doubt about which candidates or issues we might cheer or jeer is further tribute to the astounding even-handedness of our always fair-and-balanced journalism.
But political scientists are puzzled: How can elected officials be caught lying, tell more lies the next day, and the press won’t even hold them accountable? But as Hillary says, “What different does it make, anyway,” after our Avaricious Attorney from COAST Chris Finney successful argues for a politician’s Right to Lie before the U.S. Supreme Court last month.
Unlike the so-called mainstream news media like Skaggie Maggie’s Feckless Fishwrap, whose totally discredited political endorsements by her rubber-stamping idiotirial board and news coverage are so often interchangeable, The Whistleblower continues to present facts, opinions, viewpoints, and analyses on all sides of an issue. On rare occasions we even attempt to use humor or sarcastic satire to make a point. We trust our readers are intelligent enough to come to an informed decision.
And since we never accept advertising, and have no sponsors nor special interests to dictate their extreme prejudices, we wouldn’t insult the Persons of Consequence who are our subscribers by presuming they’re not bright enough and sufficiently critical to evaluate what we’ve presented, along with everything else they’ve seen, read, heard, and smelled so they can make up their own minds.
Let’s face it: Prostitutes in the Press and trash-talkers on the radio will take money to promote both sides of any contest or issue, whether they believe them or not. They’ll always ignore false claims in lying, last-minute desperate negative attack ads from despicable candidates, as long as those commercials are paid-for-in-advance. There’s no limit on how much money they’ll accept from anyone, all in the name of promoting “free” speech. We wouldn’t be surprised if Tuesday’s turnout would be a lot lower than our Kneepad Liberals in the Press are predicting.
Therefore, The Blower won’t make political endorsements, either for candidates or issues. We’re doing our job. Now it’s time for you to get off your fat couch-potato asses and do yours.
Remember the prophetic words of Jesse “The Body” Ventura: “If you don’t vote, you’ll be leaving the decision to someone even dumber than you are.”
Also try to remember what those Loony Libertarians always say: A vote for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil. People who don’t stand for something will fall for anything. No matter the outcome, you should never ever vote for a candidate you don’t really believe in.
And just as The Blower predicted, Tuesday’s turnout is going to be very low. With fewer than half of the federal and state legislative offices on the ballot in 2014 having primaries, Secretary of State and Chief Election Official Alison Wondergams Grimes predicts statewide voter turnout for the May 20 Primary Election less than 30% despite the state having more registered voters than ever, especially since Alison’s running in the Doofus DemocRAT Primary to see who gets to be outspent Bitch McConnell in Kentucky’s U.S. Senate race in November.
For weeks, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo has been wondering if history would once again repeat itself on May 22. In 2010, TEA Party Candidate Rand Paul sent the establishment’s Trey Grayson back to Harvard in the U.S. Senate Race. This time Matt Bevin has been endorsed by Boondoggle County TEA Party Guy Brett Gaspard, who claims he’s speaking the truth and presenting facts to hold his elected officials accountable, because his mission is to SAVE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, not just beat DemocRATS.
The CamBoozler says elections are different in Kentucky because of all those different office Bluegrass politicians are running for. Besides the usual assortment of local candidates for mayor and council in city elections, candidates for representative and senate in state elections, candidates for commissioner, sheriff, prosecutor (called county attorney), and clerk in county elections, we also have candidates for county offices like judge executive, property value administrator, jailer, constable, and magistrates, whatever the hell all those officers. And because this is only the Primary Election, both DemocRATS and Republicans are electing candidates in all those office who’ll be running against each other this November.
Plus, there’s no “early voting” in the Kentucky. They only have absentee voting. And to get an absentee ballot, voters have to write or go to the County Clerk’s Office and apply for one. Applicants must state a valid reason, under oath, why they can’t vote on Election Day like everyone else. It’s not like Ohio where you can go “vote early and often” just because Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka, Free-Stuff Dispensing Liberals, Rhyming Reverends, and Union Goons told you to.
The Blower says regardless of the outcome of tomorrow’s primary elections in Kentucky, consequences for the local GOP will be continue to be profound, because no matter what happens, the struggle for the soul of the local Republican Party will continue. With such low voter turnout likely, it would not take that many votes to win, and TEA Party Patriots (if they’re still energized) could send another strong message to the establishment, along with those nattering nabobs of negativism William Safire created so many years ago.
Remember when “Beanball Jim” Bunning called Bill Clinton the most corrupt, amoral, and despicable president he’d ever seen? We can only wonder what the Old Beanballer now really has to say about the guy who took his Senate seat after he retired.
With our help, this year’s campaigns seem a lot nastier than ever, last-minute mudslinging and dirty tricks are the order of the day, every candidate claims he’s more Conservative than the other gal or guy, and even has a poll that says he’s the one who’s way ahead. A record amount of money continues to be spent trying to get these bozos elected, and nobody’s quite sure where all this fat kat kash is coming from. Still, the Ghost of Richard Nixon says all of these people are giving politics a bad name. Hurley the Historian says on this date in 2000, the bones of President James Garfield’s spine were on display at the National Museum of Health and Medicine, but since then, there’s been little evidence of any lawmakers’ spines in the nation’s capital.
No wonder our Quote for Today Committee chose Will Rogers’ “We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs,” but we sort of like George Bernard Shaw’s, Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.”
It’s no wonder all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Put Obama In The White House—Twice will continue to have the kind of state government they truly deserve. And there’s a group of people in our political arena who have failed time and again, and now they want another chance. This time, they promise to do the right thing— suckers!
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo and the legendary J.R. Hatfield also assisted with this e-dition.
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Some negative nattering items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally negative nattering subscribers.
Links of the Day
JIM BUNNING: As Pitcher and Senator, Mean & Heartless
(Sent in by Bluegrass Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson [3,672 Friends, 64 Mutual Friends], who says please don’t remind him what happened at his Primary Election Night Victory Party that time he ran against Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams in 1998.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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