Thursday, May 8, 2014
Sorry, But We Just Can’t Stop Gloating
Christmas came early at the Whistleblower Newswire’s offices Tuesday night, and the entire staff stayed up all night to put out a special edition to revel that the TEA Party’s only true Statehouse victory over the Ohio Republican Party came when “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman stunned $tate Rep-tile for $ale Peter $tautberg 54% to 46%, and that at press time, not a single elected or party official had called Brinkman to congratulate him. Not one—zip, zero, nada! And Brinkman’s name was curiously missing from that BS e-mail from Ohio RINO Party Boss Matt Borges asking all RINOS to “unite,” as he was congratulating all the Republican winners except Brinkman. Maybe that’s why Our Quote for Today Committee chose John F. Kennedy’s “Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan.”
Chippy Gearhart, those other Larcenous Lobbyists in Columbus, and the Ohio Republican Party spent a lot of money to tell lies about Brinkman. They even had the blessing of Brinkman’s Good Buddy, COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney supporting Politicians’ Right to Lie About Brinkman During the Campaign. But this time, the Anderson TEA Party (The only local TEA Party Organization to capitalize the word “TEA” because it stands for “Taxed Enough Already,” not to mention Loony Libertarian Jim Berns and his sign-wavers.) got out the vote for “TaxKiller Tom (Two years ago Brinkman lost to $tautberg 61% to 39.)- Tuesday night was almost as sweet as back when that Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-In-A-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidtwas finally defeated in the 2012 GOP Primary, where the Maggie/Che$ley/Cunningham cabal was unable to save Old Wrinkle-Puss one last time. The Fishwrap’s endorsement for $tautberg proved totally worthless, as expected.
Brinkman said his gloating would continue Wednesday night at the Anderson Township Republican Club, where Alex T., Mall Cop GOP was scheduled to be the featured speaker, that’s if the Hamilton County Party Boss even had the nerve to show up. Maybe Alex T. could comment on pictures someone sent us of $tautberg’s brother campaigning illegally inside the flags (repeatedly) at Knox Presbyterian in Hyde Park wearing a $tautberg campaign shirt and handing out leaflets.- In other Ohio House races where Conservatives weighed in, they won, in part because there was money behind the candidates to get a message out. In races for the State Central Committee, the Republican Establishment won hands down because no one, including the candidates, raised any money to get their message out. No money meant voters didn’t know who the Conservative was, and the Party Hacks who should’ve been voted out, stayed on.
More Ignorance and Apathy
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How low was that voter turnout anyway? The voter apathy was so thick, you could’ve cut it with a knife. By staying home, all of those Southwest Ohio Republican voters assured themselves of getting the government they truly deserve. - But first, let’s talk about a few of The Blower’s other predictions. We could’ve given you the results of Tuesday night’s Ohio Primary Contests months ago. Every single one of the DemocRATS and Republicans who ran unopposed won their races. No kidding!
Last year Disgraced Masturbating Former Anderson Trustee Kevin O’brien got more votes for Anderson Township Trustee than Pete Beck did this year for State Rep-tile!
Flim-Flamming Flyboy Fred Kundrata(who only got 3% of the vote running against “Bronze Star” Brad Wenstrup as a Republican in Ohio’s Second Congressional District in 2012) is so excited that he will soon be living out his lifelong dream…to lose a November election This time as a Disingenuous DemoCRAT against Ohio First District Congressman Steve Chabothead.)
Meanwhile in the Second District, Marek Tyszkiewicz (pronounced Pelosi) won the right to get his ass handed to him by “Bronze Star” Brad. This year’s sacrificial lamb has hit on a plan so cunning it could only come from the mind of a son of Poland: Noting that by doing almost no campaigning, William Smith got over 40% of the vote in 2012, Marek plans to do Smith one better, he’ll do ABSOLUELY NO CAMPAIGNING. That’s a sure winner!
Revered Former Six-term Ohio Congressman Bob McEwen finally won an election where he didn’t have to face a run-off and didn’t leave the rest of us to suffer for years under the likes of Strickland and Schmidt.
This morning, Republicans for Higher Taxes took a break from gloating over Tom Brinkman’s victory over Peter $tautberg to resume gloating over Jonathan Dever’s victory over Rick Bryan. Was it just a coincidence that The Fishwrap couldn’t bring itself to mention Jonathan’s name in either the written or internet editions? We think not! Although, there is some sentiment for just plain incompetence.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this day in 1945, both Great Britain and the United States celebrate Victory in Europe Day. Cities in both nations, as well as formerly occupied cities in Western Europe, put out flags and banners, rejoicing in the defeat of the Nazi war machine. It’s hard to imagine anything like that happening during America’s Dark Ages of Obama, especially by all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice.- SPEAKING OF PREDICTIONS, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says The Blower could’ve foretold Louisville Bats starting pitcher Aroldis Chapman (on rehab from the Cincinnati Reds) would give up five runs in the top of the first inning before being pulled from the game on Tuesday, if our snitch hadn’t rolled over and gone back to sleep after Aroldis’ $100,000 Lamborghini woke up all his neighbors when he roared home at 4 AM on Monday.
BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO says, now that the 2014 Ohio Primary Elections are finally over, he’s glad to see The Blower has changed its Countdown Calendar at the lower right hand corner of this web page to click off the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until the polls close in Northern Kentucky at 6 PM on Tuesday May 20, in only twelve more days, but before then, we’ll be bombarded by all those money-wasting, time-eating, idiotic ads from Matt Beven and Bitch McConnell about how bad each other is.
Northern Kentucky Candidates Listed as Faux Facebook Friends on The Whistleblower’s Facebook Page hope they can get their faces in The Blower too, between now and the Bluegrass Primaries.
The CamBoozler has always been fighting to get space for his Northern Kentucky stories, even 23 Years Ago This Week (when The Whistleblower used to be printed and delivered all over town), and Edition #49 came out on May 7, 1991 featuring his “Bluegrass Holler” column with the latest goings-on in Covington and Newport. To See the entire Edition #49, CLICK HERE
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Nathan “Cornbread” Smith.
Back in Ohio We Have More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our May fund-raising drive by the Brinkman for State Rep-Tile Campaign, for reasons which now should seem painfully obvious!
TAKING CREDIT FOR $TAUTBERG’S DEFEAT HOT LINE
e-mail your curious claims today
Some gloating items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally gloating subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
A Message for Peter $tautberg
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Cathy Brinkman, [684 Friends, 108 Mutual Friends] who says, “Every once in a long while, the underdog wins. Feels soooooooo good! And I need to FRIEND all of the Moms for Tom in Anderson Township, OH who made this victory possible.”)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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