Saturday, May 3, 2014
Happy Press Freedom Day, Everybody!
OBAMA’S COVER-UP CONTINUES: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard did his best “Baghdad Bob” impersonation Thursday.
South Carolina GOP Senator Lindsey Graham says, “The White House is blatantly lying about its role in the Benghazi cover-up now that a ‘smoking gun” email has been bared. We need a joint select committee in the House to dig out the truth.”
The House Oversight and Government Reform Committee subpoenaed Obama’s Secretary of State John Kerry to testify at a May 21 hearing about newly released Benghazi documents.
House Republicans plan to vote next week on a resolution that would urge Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate the IRS’s improper scrutiny of TEA Party groups, for all the good that will do.
And will wonders never cease? GOP House Speaker John Boehner finally stopped dragging his feet and announced a special committee will actually investigate the cover-up by the Obama Administration and their Willing Accomplices in the Press right before all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters returned Obama to The White House for a second time.
Which is just the sort of late-breaking news we can all continue to expect for the next 993 days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is Impeached. To get your own personal Countdown Calendar, CLICK HERE!
- TODAY IN ANDERSON TOWNSHIP: With only three more days until those all important 2014 Primary Elections, everybody’s wondering if Forest Hills Urinal Editor Eric Spangler was really given his “Press Freedom” for forgetting to cover how the Ohio Republican Party was spending gazillions of dollars coming up with lies to attack Conservatives and TEA Party members, along with Thursday’s long-awaited 7 PM grand-opening of that little $300 million Belterra Park Gaming and Entertainment Center next to historic Coney Island Amusement Park, with bringing 700 jobs and boatloads of unsavory people to the area.
Lisa Benson, Managing Editor at the Cincinnati Business Crapper, couldn’t wait to report The Fishwrap had sent another 14 souls into the void yesterday, but she didn’t have their names, not even lone idiotorial writer David Holthaus. Metro Mole says Skaggy Maggy will have to write them now, instead of just dictating about diversity. Other Fired Fishwrappers included Joe Powell, Wedgie Washburn’s water boy; Brent Coleman, Home section reporter; Tony Jones, photographer; Stephanie Pross, digital editor; Marc Emral, local news editor; Joseph Fuqua, photographer; Mary Lu Listermann Strange, news aide; and three in advertising. And that didn’t count all the lateral transfers where employees’ Salaries were slashed. Did Wedgie really make a Facebook comment telling the work how great a mood she was in that night? With The Fishwrap already down $1.6 million in revenue for 2014, it won’t be a very merry Christmas this year.
In a related story, City of Cincinnati Spokesbabe Meg Olberding is leaving her job to “pursue other interests,” which means she was pushed out of her job here. She was always a willing but useless pawn at the job here, and probably nobody will miss her.
CROOKS IN COLUMBUS: When The Fishwrap reported John Rabenold of Axcess Financial in Sycamore Township avoided spending a night in jail because yesterday was his 15-year wedding anniversary, folks hereabouts began wondering just how hard that Larcenous Lobbyist for Check ‘n Go will be cooperating with an investigation that could result in charges against State Rep-Tiles like Peter “Best Money Can Buy” $tautberg for accepting gifts and failing to report them. Shouldn’t that list of local lawbreaking lawmakers be published BEFORE Tuesday’s Election? Voters have a right to know! $tautberg should be a prime suspect, since he was Ranking Minority Member of the Financial Institutions Committee during that time, and that was the committee Check ‘n Go wanted to influence.
Meanwhile, is Mrs. $tautberg really calling people in Anderson Township, leaving voice messages calling those people “stupid” for having Brinkman signs in their yards?
- ACTION IN ANDERSON: Actually, there was no need for The Fishwrap to cover the Grand Opening of the Belterra’s “Racino” where 57-year-old white widows can lose their dead husbands’ insurance money playing on 1,500 crappy video slot machines, since all those Elected Officials shilling for Belterra Bankrollers couldn’t wait to post pictures of themselves at the event on their Facebook pages.
Publicity-starved politicians on FaceBook include Anderson Trustees Josh Gerth, Andy Pappas, “In Russ We Trust” Jackson, and Hamilton County Commissioner Chris Monzel.
However, none of those self-promoting photos above compares with the pictures we saw when that “Real Casino” opened downtown last year. The Blowerwill never forgetthe top ten excuses Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Brad Greenberg gave his wife after she caught him with a couple of floozies at the Horseshoe Casino:
10. They were just volunteers for my next campaign.
9. I was considering their appeal.
8. They’re moonlighting from their day jobs as bailiffs at the Courthouse.
7. They wanted to show me their ankle monitor bracelets.
6. They asked me if I had a gavel in my pocket.
5. They were trying to sell me some hair restorer.
4. They wanted to make sure my wife wasn’t wearing the same outfit.
3. Jerry Springer introduced us.
2. Floozies? What Floozies?
…And the number one excuse Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Brad Greenberg gave his wife after she caught him with a couple of floozies at the Horseshoe Casino was… Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP said my wife would never find out.
ONE OF THE RACINO’S 700: Did Disgraced Former Anderson Township Trusee Kevin “Spanky” O’Brien finally find employment again? A few folks reported that they thought they they saw him working at Belterra Park as a valet parking attendant. One person even said the guy who retrieved Gerth Pappas’ car looked a lot like Spanky.
Others reported that the Belterra men’s washroom attendant was Spanky and many refused to take any of the white creamy soap or towels from him when offered. Still others said someone looking like Spanky was giving patrons off-track betting advice, which O’Brien is rumored to have said is one of the few things he is legally not prohibited from giving since his lifetime ban from the investment industry. Another person said they overheard a jockey talking about Spanky cleaning out the horse stables in preparation for live racing. Apparently since O’Brien spent four years feeding the Anderson Township residents nothing but political horse-shit, the Belterra management thought being a stable boy would be the perfect job for Spanky.
- REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES concluded their Crystal Faulkner DemocRAT Donation of the Week series in style. MS. Faulkner donated not once, not twice, but three times to Devious DemocRAT David A. Pepper for State Auditor, for a total of $2000. Crystal has more than demonstrated her liberal beliefs by donating so heavily to Pepper and many other liberal candidates.
- SUNDAY IN CINCINNATI we’ll see if pigs can fly at the Flying Pig Marathon. You’ll never believe how much money all those Ridiculous Runners are willing to pay for a free T-shirt and to be able to say they ran in that event. Meanwhile, here’s a picture of Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane on a practice run with a pig, getting ready for tomorrow’s big race.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says the father of modern political theory Niccolo Machiavelli was born in 1469, and as the Official Voice of the Conservative Agenda, The Blower says Niccolo would be proud if he saw what our local leaders were doing. Nico entered the political service of his native Florence in Northern Italy, and today Mayor Blondie Whalen is every bit as Machiavellian as Nico ever was in her native Florence in Northern Kentucky.
ALSO IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo reports our Turfway Tout says Turfway Park will be celebrating the most exciting two minutes in sports all day long May 3 as the Northern Kentucky track hosts its Get Down and Derby: the Biggest Derby Party in Town, along with its annual Kentucky Derby simulcast and party.
Miss Vicki says some of the Southern Belles from Fort Mitchell you might meet will even let you talk derby to them.
And won’t it be funny tonight if John Coyne and all the usual suspects were smoking outside the Landing in New Richmond, when the lady with a wooden leg says her daughter (one of the original strippers at Deja Vu) never misses a Kentucky Derby and Clem from Clermont asked the daughter if that wasn’t a pretty long drive. “Of course not,” the daughter said, “It’s only about eight miles to River Downs.”
Now here’s where you can bet on the Derby online.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if there would be any special mention of World Press Freedom Day on Friday. In 1993, the UN General Assembly proclaimed May 3 each year to be World Press Freedom Day, and each year, UNESCO awards the UNESCO/Guillermo Cano World Press Freedom Prize to someone who has made a major contribution towards journalistic freedom. “We’ll let you know tomorrow if we got this year’s award,” Kane promised.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose A. J. Liebling’s “Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Mrs. $tautberg.
COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS HOT LINE
e-mail your excuses for gambling today.
Some sure-winner items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally sure-winner subscribers.
“Racino Riff Raff” By James Jay Schifrin
After seeing all that great free publicity Anderson Township Trustees got for themselves at Thursday’s night’s opening of Belterra’s “Racino” in Anderson Township, our three publicity starved Commissioners from Patronage County were discussing how soon they could get one of those Money Making Gambling Emporiums for themselves on the ride home.
“What a great event that was,” said Commissioner Pilfer. “Think of all those people to shake hands with. I bet they all wished they’d been asked to make a speech.”
“It’s also too bad none of them was up for re-election this year,” said Commissioner Filch. “but all those little people putting pictures of themselves with celebrities like us on their Facebook pages could be recycled endlessly and made to show how much them support us.”
“The only thing wrong was the kind of people who showed up,” suggested people Commissioner Swindle. “You know how gambling attracts unsavory characters and creates major social problems.”
“What do you mean?” asked Commissioner Pilfer. “The demographic for a ‘Racino’ is 57-year-old white widows losing their dead husbands’ insurance money playing on crappy video slot machines.”
“You mean they didn’t have many whores?” asked Commissioner Filch.
“Only a few skanks on Opening Night,” explained Commissioner Swindle. “The others were probably still working at the Horseshoe Casino downtown.”
This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols
Whistleblower Link of the Day
SORE LOSER: Man Takes Axe to Slot Machines After Losing $6,500
(Sent in by our Faux Facebook Friend Former Anderson Township Trustee Al Peter [149 Friends, 38 Mutual Friends], who was also at the Opening of Belterra’s Racino Thursday night.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers Can Be Found Here
