Friday, May 2, 2014
More Lost News
Today there are only four more days until those all important 2014 Primary Elections in Ohio with the Ohio Republican Party spending gazillions of dollars coming up with lies to attack Conservatives and TEA Party members, and in Anderson Township, Wednesday’s edition of the Forest Hills Urinal featured important front-page stories about Clermont County road work causing traffic problems in Anderson and sidewalks in Mt. Washington.
Come to think of it, there was also no mention this week of Thursday’s long-awaited 7 PM grand-opening of that little $300 million Belterra Park Gaming and Entertainment Center next to historic Coney Island Amusement Park, bringing 1,500 games, a longer race track, six new restaurants, and a parking garage, along with 700 jobs and boatloads of unsavory people to the area. News Losers at Fishwrap Farm Team wouldn’t recognize a current news item if it bit them in the ass!
Now you see why The Blower’s motto is “Some of the News They Seem to Lose”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Vig Wagers, who says “You only have a ‘Gambling Problem’ if you’re losing!”
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in promoting family values selected our Belterra Bookie to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items written by competent women plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Wilson Mizner’s Definition of Gambling: “The sure way of getting nothing for something.”
No wonder all those White, God-Fearing Citizens of Anderson are praying they don’t lose the deeds to their houses, finding new ways to piss away all their children’s inheritances gambling at Beterra’s so-called “Racino,” because nowhere in the world are there Casinos without attracting unsavory elements and major social problems.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, our Three Trusty Anderson Township Trustees and Fiscal Officer, enjoying their VIP Parking Spaces at Belterra, even closer than the Handicapped Spaces.
- “CURRENT CONUNDRUMS” by Sam Rubic
The definition of the word Conundrum is: something that is puzzling or confusing.
Here are six Conundrums of socialism in the United States of America:
1. America is capitalist and greedy – yet half of the population is subsidized.
2. Half of the population is subsidized – yet they think they are victims.
3. They think they are victims – yet their representatives run the government.
4. Their representatives run the government – yet the poor keep getting poorer.
5. The poor keep getting poorer – yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.
6. They have things that people in other countries only dream about -yet they want America to be more like those other countries.
Think about it! And that, my friends, pretty much sums up the USA in the 21st Century.
Makes you wonder who is doing the math.
These three, short sentences tell you a lot about the direction of our current government and cultural environment:
1. We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics. Funny how that works.
And here’s another one worth considering…
2. Seems we constantly hear about how Social Security is going to run out of money. How come we never hear about welfare or food stamps running out of money? What’s interesting is the first group “worked for” their money, but the second didn’t. Think about it…..
and Last but not least,
3. Why are we cutting benefits for our veterans, no pay raises for our military and cutting our army to a level lower than before WWII, but we are not stopping the payments or benefits to illegal aliens
- “BLOATED BUREAUCRACY” by The Ghost of George Carlin
The staff of Dewy, Cheatum & Howe spent considerable time reading through what is commonly known as the ObamaCare law, which includes both the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA) and the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act (HCERA).
Since these bills were signed into law by President Barack Obama in March 2010, various agencies in the administration have published 109 final regulations spelling out how they are to be implemented.
These 109 final regulations account for a combined 10,535 pages in the Federal Register, where the government officially published them.
After having read each page twice, consulting the Tome of High Political Gibberish & Double Speak on an uncountable number of occasions and a heavily regimented course of sedatives and anti-depressants, they are now in a position to boil the law down to a simple relatively easy to understand three sentences for you all- In order to insure the uninsured, we first have to un-insure the insured.
Next we require the newly un-insured to be re-insured. To re-insure the newly un-insured, they are required to pay an extra charge to be re-insured …
The extra charge is so that the original insured, who became un-insured, and then re-insured can pay enough extra money so that the original un-insured can be insured for free.
There…Now you understand what is going on. !!!!
All you Need to Know About American Government Bureaucracy:
All you Need to Know About American Government Bureaucracy:
• Pythagorean Theorem……………………………………………………….24 words.
• Lord’s Prayer…………………………………………………………………66 words.
• Archimedes Principle…………………………………………..……………67 words.
• 10 Commandments…………………………………………..…………….179 words.
• Gettysburg Address…………………………………………………………286 words.
• Declaration of Independence……………………….……………………1,300 words.
• US Constitution with all 27 Amendments…………………….…………7,818 words.
• US Government regulations on sale of cabbage……………………..26,911 words.
• US Government Affordable Care Act (Obama Care)…………..…1,147,271 words.
- “TABLE TALK” by Miss Manners
Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curiously, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
“Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane…..” At this point Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for Sunday night. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it at our weekly family dinner.”
At the dinner table on Sunday, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”
Mommy fainted…
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.
- AND A QUICKIE By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?” And that’s how the fight started….
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’reWorking On
-
Obama’s Benghazi Spin “Nixonian” - Pelosi As Delusional As Ever
- Baptist Bigots at Cedarville University
- $tautberg Caught In 600 Lies
- Brinkman Impersonators Waving Signs
- Pigs Will Fly in Cincinnati on Sunday
- Why Crazy Eric Won’t Be Arguing His Big Case On Thursday
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said you should never believe media polls:
(A) Rigged questions: 2%
(B) Paid-off pollsters: 1%
(C) Hand-picked respondents: 1%
(D) Liberal Media Bias: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Time Out for Hot Tamales
This week, everybody who is hoping to see another Cinci de Mayo riot, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Juan Carlos Gonzales de Lopez Ruiz, or as his fellow residents in Lower Price Hill call him, “Hey, Wetback.”
Juan wins an “I Tried to Start a Riot and All I Could Steal Was This Crappy T-Shirt” T-shirt, an off-the-books construction job from a local award-winning homebuilder, a night of pleasure at an Hispanic Whorehouse in Sharonville, nude photos of Sasha Rionda, and tips on how to evade the INS from the Illegal Aliens Association. His winning entry is:
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo:
Practice your Spanish by learning to sing “Day-O.”
So when the Mexicans arrive to cut all your grass,
And illegally claim welfare benefits en masse,
You can practice diversity while out the ass you pay-o.
And now for some dishonorable mentions
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo:
Buy a case of Cerveza and get really high-o.
Throw every bottle on the Kellogg Soccer Field.
When the polices arrive, make sure your dope is concealed,
And say, “Would you like to meet my seester? She’s right here on standby-o.”
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Pour yourself a shot of Tequila and Papay-o,
And truck on down to the Arizona border
With that Glock .45 you got from mail order
And to Julio and Jose say good-bye-o!
Senor Bob Castellini says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
To celebrate what should be our big day-o.
Go out with Conchita,
She knows how to treat ya,
And maybe you won’t have to pay-o.
“TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Be glad you live here in Ohio
Unleash your beagles
And hunt down illegals,
And ship them back where they play jai-alai-o.
Loony Libertarian Jim Berns says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
With Moises, Jose, Jesus, and Alfredo:
Bring your ball to Schmidt field,
Keep those six-packs concealed,
And CRC won’t even make you pay-o!
Rick “The Batboy” Robinson says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo:
Drink till you puke, my oh, my oh!
If you did that in Juarez
Your pesos would go as far as
A hundred would last in Ohio.
Bobby Leach says
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Pretend it’s Mexico, when it’s really Ohio.
Drink til you turn blue
And don’t catch the Swine Flu
And maybe catch a bit of fur pie-oh!
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course):
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Take a scouting trip down to the bayou.
Draft some “hot Cajun chicks”
Who could teach the Secret Service some tricks
And then bring them back to Ohio.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Drive down to the New Orleans bayou
If you stick around here,
All you’ll get is cheap beer
Cajuns are wilder than folks in Ohio.
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Protest Arizona’s new illegals law, oh-my-oh!
Despite minor setbacks
We need lots of new wetbacks
Good thing the border’s not on Ohio!
Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo
Go down and see the oil spill on the Bayou
In Air Force One, the Messiah is flyin’
To visit the fish and shrimp that are dyin’
Just be glad you live in Ohio.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The best way to celebrate your Mother’s Day.”
CINCO DE MAYO HOT LINE
E-mail your translated greetings today.
Some illegal immigrant items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally illegal immigrant subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER LINK OF THE DAY
Cavuto: Mr. President, we at Fox News are not the problem
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Dennis Janson [1,467 Friends, 32 Mutual], who won’t tell you what he really thinks of the Cincinnati Reds this year. )
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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