One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Honesty Day Has Finally Arrived…
… and everybody’s waiting to see if some politician actually opens his mouth and speaks the truth today. The Blower is betting that won’t happen. American politics is a world where no one says or does what he really means, because politics runs on lying and deceit. So how funny is it that a day dedicated to “Honesty” has been created, which is totally ignored by all politicians on the 30th of April each year? Maybe that’s why COAST’s Avarisious Attorney Chris Finney (who argued for Politicians’ Right to Lie before the U.S. Supreme Court last week) plans to sleep in today.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this day in 1945, holed up in a bunker under his headquarters in Berlin, Adolf Hitler committed suicide by swallowing a cyanide capsule and shooting himself in the head. You have to say this about Adolf—he knew how to be thorough, sort of like a guy who wears a belt and suspenders to keep his pants up. And wasn’t it ironic that Hitler killed himself on a Jewish holiday. Part time Rabbinical Scholar Charles Foster Kane says, “Any day Hitler killed himself would’ve been a Jewish holiday, just like the day Obama’s Secretary of State John Kerry announces his resignation.”
A REALLY HONEST WELCOME: Did you see that lame-stream editorial in The Fishwrap “welcoming” members of the Republican National Committee who came to town yesterday to compare Cincinnati with the other five cities on the short list to host the 2016 Republican National Convention? Do you think the Trolley Folly and Mahogany’s Soul Food Restaurant made the RNC forget about Las Vegas? Skaggie Maggie’s Iditorial Board would have probably preferred promoting Cincinnati for the DemocRAT Convention to show off all that Diversity our Local Liberals been promoting.
And how many lies do you think Western Southern CEO John Barrett, Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP, and Hamilton County Commissioner Me, Greg Hartmann told the RNC about how the Hamilton County RINO Party has re-colored the political landscape from Red to Blue, or when they sold their souls to Disgraced DemocRAT $tan Che$ley?
SPEAKING OF HONEST: Way back when, in The Original Whistleblower edition that came out April 30, 1991 (before there was an “Honesty Day”), our Top Ten List was the things Disgraced DemocRAT Marvin Warner should do on his first day in prison. We showed our bad taste even then. To See the entire Edition #48, CLICK HERE- EARLY NON-VOTING UPDATE: Today there are only six more days until Primary Elections in Ohio on May 6 and wouldn’t it be funny if the only people voting were the ones who’ve already put a 49-cent on their Absentee Ballot Envelopes, except perhaps those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, who plan to stand in line down town at the Board of Elections.
IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Disgraced Former Republican Governor Boob Taft’s criminal record has now been expunged, just in time for the RNC visits to consider Cincinnati and Cleveland in Ohio as the location for the 2016 Republican National Convention. Remember when The Boobsterpleadedno contest to ethics violations during an appearance in a Franklin County courtroom in 2005
INTOLERANCE UPDATE: TEA Party Patriot J.D. Winteregg just got fired as an adjunct professor by the Baptist Bigots at Cedarville University after an offbeat political ad accusing his Primary Opponent John Boehner of having “electile dysfunction” went viral. [SEE THAT VIDEO HERE]
Fault-Finding Fishwrapper Sheila McLaughlin reported Boehner’s press secretary Kara Hauck, claimed any suggestion that Boehner was involved in getting Winteregg fired was “absurd.” But do you think she really believed it? [READ THAT STORY HERE] And do you think any of this will be discussed at the upcoming Ice Cream Social at Cedarville President Thomas White’s house on Thursday, May 8, from 1-6 PM?
DEFENDING THE INDEFENSIBLE: Party Hacks from Columbus will convoy down to Cincinnati on Saturday to walk door-to-door for embattled State Rep-tile Peter $tautberg. Just look at what somebody did to one of his signs.
Speaking of $tautberg, community meetings were scheduled all over $tautberg’s district this week for people to learn what they can do to stop no-arrest zones and get out of jail free cards (Monday-Hyde Park, Tuesday-Mt. Washington, Wednesday-Anderson, Thursday-Fairfax, and Friday-Symmes Township).
Whistleblower Alternate Life-Styles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say gay dudes in $tautberg’s district were really happy to learn www.peterstautberg.com was the location of an Oriental Gay Porn Site.
- BACKLASH IN BLUE ASH: A scandal is developing in the 28th House District GOP primary, where Rick Bryan has been caught spending over $200,000 of Blue Ash’s tax dollars to send himself and his friends on over-taxed payer-funded junkets to Germany. Created as a so-called “Sister City” program while Mayor, High Flyin’ Rick Bryan and his Council Comrades are squandering approximately $24,000/year of YOUR tax dollars on these glorified vacations.
Ricky can’t claim it’s economic development when you’re sending 15 people to the same place every two years at over-taxed payers’ expense. That $24k/year should be spent serving Blue Ash residents, not sending High Flyin’ Rick Bryan and his friends on a Clark W. Griswold European Vacation.
Republicans for Higher Taxes has blown the lid off this scandal, though as their name implies they seem to think this is a good expenditure. We encourage everyone to watch this humorous video making fun of High Flyin’ Rick Bryan and his appalling use of our tax dollars to vacation at our expense.
- BELTERRA BANKROLLERS say since their $300 million “Racino” in Anderson Township won’t be open on “Honesty Day” today, so there’s no need to worry about their “honesty” until tomorrow.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken Camboo says things are heating up on the South Shore, as evidenced by this apparent rogue web site.
Also stopping the presses all over the Commonwealth was an urgent e-mail from Elsie Case, claiming her granddaughter Alison Wondergams Grimes was not backing down from all those attacks from Republican US Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell, and asking for everybody to contribute another $5 today to help Alison hit her goal before the meaningless pre-primary filing deadline.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how they should spend Honesty Day. Somebody suggested the most obvious thing to do on Honesty Day would be to be very honest with others as well as to yourself. You could be introspective about the way you’re living your life and how you deal with others. If you are honest with yourself, you will probably find some room for improvement which may result in a better you.
Somebody else said the best thing to do on National Honesty Day would be to spread the word of honesty around. You could arrange to meet and talk to people about the virtues of honesty and enlighten them about how easy it is to be honest.
A third person said a good thing to do would be a find a person you’ve not been entirely honest with and clear your conscience by behaving honestly about the matter and try to clear it up. “Yeah, right,” Kane said. “And next year they could change the name of ‘Honesty Day’ to ‘Stupid Guy Who Really Deserved to Get his Ass Kicked Day.”
Charles Foster Kane has always prized “honesty” above all else. That’s why Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception once depicted Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher as Diogenes, searching unsuccessfully for the Truth many years ago at Cincinnati City Hall.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Noel Coward’s “It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Boob Taft.
HONESTY DAY HOT LINE
e-mail your integrous instagrams today.
Some totally honest items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally totally honest subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER HONESTY LINK OF THE DAY
Jimmy Kimmel Lie Detective #1
plus
RSA Animate – The Truth About Dishonesty
How to Catch a Liar (Assuming We Want To)
(Sent in by Faux Facebook Friend Bret Gaspard [1,369 Friends, 41 Mutual Friends], whose work for Rumpke only compliments his job as Boondoggle County GOP Chairman.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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