Friday, April 25, 2014
No Way To Treat The Ladies
Wednesday was “Secretary’s Day,” or as our little ladies in the office like to call it, “Administrative Professionals Day,” and The Blower did everything possible to help them to help them feel better about their humdrum jobs.
We’re surprised Obama and Disingenuous DemocRATS, along with Obama Supporters in the Press didn’t use the occasion to continue to blame Conservatives and TEA Partiers for that Bogus War on Women Liberals can’t stop lying about to advance their agenda. It’s just one of the many “divide and conquer” tactics Liberals use, straight out of their century-long “Progressive” playbook (along with Saul Alinsky’s manual for the left) that aims to gain and keep political power by causing certain Americans to dislike or distrust other Americans.
Unfortunately, many independent women voters pay only superficial attention to politics. This means that these low-information voters are likely to hear the Dishonest DemocRATS’ constant claims, but not so likely to hear any rational explanations of how outrageous those claims are.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Charles Foster Kane’s long-suffering over-worked secretary. Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher says he really didn’t need Secretary’s Day” to remind him about all that Rose Budd has done for him over the years. It hasn’t always been easy. Sometimes it was rough sledding. “And you can be assured that I’ll be speaking her praises until my dying breath,” Kane said.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in launching our “War for Women,” selected Miss Rose Budd to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items written by competent women plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Barry Goldwater’s “I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it’s somebody else’s secretary, fine.”
Male Chauvinist Employers of America explain why they changed the name of today’s “Secretary’s Day” holiday to “Administrative Professionals Day.” It was cheaper than giving the gals a raise.
- “OBAMA AND THE LADY GENIE” by Jeanie Peter, Our Pistol Packing Sensuous Granny
While walking on a beach during one of his many vacations, Obama found a bottle on the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, “Master, may I grant you one wish?” Obama responded, “Don’t you know who I am? I don’t need any common woman giving me anything.”
The shocked genie said, “Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever.”
Obama thought a moment, then after grumbling about the impertinence of the woman said, “Very well, I want to awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning – so just do it and be off with you.”
The annoyed genie said, “So be it!” and disappeared.
The next morning Obama awakened with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Nancy Pelosi in his bed.
His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.
God is good.
- “CRITICAL THINKING AT ITS BEST” by Sue-zilla Hardenberg, who along with Heidi and Judy let that big blowhard Andy Pappas believe he’s really running the Anderson TEA Party.
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose.
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting
for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No.
Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
- “THE HUMAN BODY” by Hamilton County Coroner Dr. Lakshmi Sammarco
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
The average man’s penis is two times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
WOMEN will be finished reading this by now.
MEN are still busy checking their thumbs.
- AND A QUICKIE By Famous Comedienne Joan Rivers
A jet plane suddenly bursts into flames whilst it is thousands of feet in the air.
Everybody was panicking; death is imminent. One woman stands up and declares “I want to feel like a woman one last time if anyone here is man enough to do it!”
So a man near her promptly stands up, takes off his shirt, and says “Here; iron this!”
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’reWorking On
-
Picture of The Day: Obama Bows To Japanese Emperor - McRINO Says He Made “Huge Mistake” By Running For President
- State Department Can’t List a Single Accomplishment for Hillary
- Fact Checkers Find Obama Only Lies 60% of The Time
- Mooch Forced To Cancel Graduation Speech After Protests (Claims Didn’t Really Want To Go To Kansas Anyhow)
- SMLP Smithermouth Accuses Black Activists of Doing Too Little To Combat Violence
- NoKY Resident Voted Illegally in Kentucky
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said was Obama’s biggest problem these days:
(A) Economy’s still in the crapper: 2%
(B) Gas prices still more than doubled since he took office: 1%
(C) A new scandal every week: 1%
(D) Can find enough time for fund-raising and campaigning: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Re-Distributing the Wealth
This week, everybody who thinks Obama’s plans to Tax the Rich instead of Cutting Spending is not the way to balance the Federal Budget, e-mailed his entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted Conservative Economist Supply-Side Tadwell, who says, “Even if the ‘rich’ gets defined down to the top 10% of income tax filers — whose average annual household income is $114,000 — the level of revenue from even a 100% tax on them would still not close the budget gap.”
Supply-Side wins an “Economists Are Sexy” T-Shirt, a box full of Economics books from the Joseph Beth Bisexual Bookstore auction, and a really low evaluation for his house from our Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor, since property values have dropped dramatically from what properties had been assessed last year. His winning limerick is:
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Or rather keep the poor on the floor?
These “job creators”
Are really the haters
Who keep their money offshore.
Our Conservative Curmudgeon says:
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Does our national debt have neither ceiling nor floor?
What Obama is really spreading around,
Isn’t wealth, but manure, so we’ve found.
It’s just socialism through the back door.
TEA Party Tim says:
Do the rich really want to pay more,
Or is this part of Obama’s Marxist war?
Warren Buffett is all hot to shell out;
Does he want us to think he’s a good Cub Scout,
Even though all his assets are offshore?
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still working on his taxes):
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Why, just axe Obama, he’ll say “Sure!”
He gets it free anyways
Why should he care what he pays?
We can’t wait till we show him the door.
“Tax the rich,” the socialists say!
“We don’t care what they have to pay”
But if they took all the richs’ money,
It wouldn’t make a dent, Honey
The problem is government spending, OK?
Do the rich really want to pay more?
Well, according to liberals, sure!
But don’t jobs come from the rich?
Use your head, you sumbitch!
You’re not gonna get hired by the poor!
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Here’s how to have fun on Cinco de Mayo”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, “Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWhine. Award Winning Photo Illustration Artis Conception shows us DeWhine on “Secretary’s Day,” when he was a U.S. Senator in Washington. Doesn’t anybody but The Blower remember the Jessica Cutler scandal?
BOGUS GOP WAR ON WOMEN HOT LINE
E-mail your liberal lies today
Some untruthful items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally untruthful subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER LINKS OF THE DAY
DemocRATS Guide to the Republican War on Women Explained
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Susan Waidner [1,219 Friends, 116 Mutual], who says she supports The Blower’s “War For Women.”)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
