One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Happy Secretary’s Day, Gals!
Oh, we’re not calling it “Secretary’s Day” anymore. We’re supposed to say “Administrative Professionals Day,” so you little ladies can feel better about your humdrum jobs. Now would you mind getting us a cup of coffee?
Hurley the Historian says this made-up holiday was created in 1952 by a Young and Rubicam advertising executive who found a way to give his secretary something that didn’t cost money.
No wonder our Quote for Today Committee chose Barry Goldwater’s “I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it’s somebody else’s secretary, that’s fine!” Was Barry a Compassionate Conservatism or what!
Male Chauvinist Employers of America explain why they changed the name of today’s “Secretary’s Day” holiday to “Administrative Professionals Day.” It was cheaper than giving the gals a raise.
The Unemployment Office says tomorrow on “Take Your Daughter to Work Day during the Obama Recession,” you can always bring her here.
Way back when, in The Original Whistleblower edition that came out April 23, 1991, our Top Ten List was the things a boss could do for his secretary during Professional Secretaries Week to make her feel really special. We showed our bad taste even then. [To See the entire Edition #47, CLICK HERE]- Our good friend Joe Braun says they’ll really be celebrating “Secretary’s Day” in a special way at Patty Brisben’s Dildo World, Strauss & Troy’s favorite client in Loveland, Ohio.
- Finally, now that Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters is no longer practicing law in Kentucky, members of “The Cabal Out to Destroy Him” are wondering when The Blower will be publishing its undercover report on how “Crazy Eric” plans to celebrate this very special occasion.
Now Little Ladies, maybe we can get back to work so we can publish the rest of this e-dition, one of these days.
SPECIAL SECRETARY’S DAY LINKS
The ‘Mad Men’ Guide to Secretary’s Day
Happy Secretary’s Day from Landalor Industries
Just Shoot Me: Secretary’s Day
More News They Seemed to Lose
FINNEY FORGOTTEN: Did you see The Fishwrap’s Monday front-page coverage of Tuesday’s big landmark Supreme Court case where COAST’s avaricious attorney Chris Finney and his henchman Curt Hartman have been claiming they were the lawyers who were going to be arguing for the right of politicians to tell lies during political campaigns? It was all about some so-called Washington super-lawyer named Michael Carvin arguing for free speech and Ohio State Solicitor Eric Murphy (an Anderson High School graduate, no less) defending the Ohio Law that said politicians should always tell the truth. Finney’s fawning comments sucking up to Carvin were buried in an inside story on page A-4, and Hartman wasn’t even mentioned at all. Guess Finney and Hartman figure if their political clients can lie during campaigns, they can lie about who’s arguing the case. “At least The Feckless Fishwrap didn’t give front page coverage to 62-year-old “Mean Jean” Schmidt and her eviler twin sister Jennifer Black (also 62) running in the 2014 Boston Marathon,” Finney said.
In a somewhat related item, Republicans for Higher Taxes discuss the COAST endorsement of conservative candidate Jonathan Dever for Ohio’s 28th District.
Meanwhile, the Supreme Court on Tuesday upheld Michigan’s ban on using race as a factor in college admissions. The justices said in a 6-2 ruling that Michigan voters had the right to change their state constitution to prohibit public colleges and universities from taking account of race in admissions decisions. The justices said that a lower federal court was wrong to set aside the change as discriminatory. Amen to that!
- FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE RIDICULOUS: Tuesday, The Fishwrap featured a front-page story about bike paths on Central Parkway, andConservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin says Feckless Fishwrapper John Faherty may “write about absolutely anything (per the blurb under your photo),” but you MISS an awful lot that’s right under your nose.
In today’s puff piece about bike paths you enumerated four “tribes” (plus, of course, the ever-meddling John Schneider), namely, “bike people,” “some business people,” “Another group [council people]” and “The last tribe [Mann].”
You missed the REAL tribe, and the LARGEST tribe at that: DRIVERS. Drivers of cars, of trucks, and — yes — even busses. To them, to We the Drivers, bikes are just a damn road hazard. Period (to quote that absolutist philosopher, B. H. O’Bama). Bikes ignore stop signs and lights, weave in and out of lanes, slow traffic to a crawl, and generally flip the bird to the people who drive the vehicles streets were designed for.
And bikes don’t pay their own way. They’re parasites.
Additionally, when’s the last time your dry cleaner or plumber or package carrier showed up at your door via bike or bus? How does meat, produce, dairy, canned goods and all the rest get to your local grocery store — in bike-driven carts? Bikes are essentially useless. Do-gooder bureaucRATS and bike enthusiasts think those bike lanes are a great idea, but they forgot that removing parking prevents customers and employees from adjacent businesses and that stupid raised concrete median down the middle of Kenwood Road has cost businesses on both sides of the street tens of thousands of dollars since it was put in.
Get the bikes off the streets and out of the way of drivers. THAT will be REAL “rediscovery and reconfiguration.”
EARTH DAY UPDATE: Obama burned 35,000 gallons of fuel on Earth Day and spewed 868 TONS of carbon into the atmosphere, proving it’s OK to be a flaming hypocrite as long as you believe in global warming. Happy Earth Day, Liberal Whackos!- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says a whopping 18% of Americans planned to celebrate Earth Day. Whoop-de-do!
- EARLY NON-VOTING: With the number of early voters down 82 % compared with the same time four years ago, Truthful Troublemaker Tino Delgato says, “I followed The Blower’s advice and mailed my May 6 Absentee Ballot yesterday. I did not have to take a bus to stand in line. It did however cost me one forever stamp. Tell me again why all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, who stood in line down town at the Board of Elections (BOE) last year could not also do this? The BOE could even put on that stamp based on the savings of employee salaries and the cost to open the damn building. Go Figure!!!”
MORE MEDIA MENDACITY: These days, Obama Supporters in the Press can’t stop talking about how NBC commissioned a psychological consultant to figure out who “Meet the Depressed” host David Gregory is, and what makes him tick— or the real reason they hired that shrink: why people just don’t like Gregory very much. Photo Shop Editorial Spoofer Edward Cropper says maybe it’s because unlike his predecessor Good DemocRAT Tim Russert, Obama Apologist Gregory can never bring himself to ask fellow D-RATS tough questions, preferring instead to save all his unreasonable and unfair questions for TEA Party Patriots and Republicans.
Gregory certainly hasn’t changed much since that time he brought a camera crew to Charles Foster Kane’s house to interview our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher after The Whistleblower ridiculed Ed Maruska’s threats to kill all the elephants if voters didn’t give him a Zoo tax increase.
FREE NEEDLE UPDATE: The Blower wonders who’s paying for all those fair-and-reasonable Robocalls that say “It’s shocking but true. Plans to distribute free needles to drug addicts in your neighborhood are moving forward at a rapid pace. $tautberg voted to give drug addicts and their pushers immunity from arrest from four separate felonies within 1,000 feet of the needle exchange site. In addition, “get out of jail free” cards will be given to drug addicts and their pushers thanks to Peter $tautberg’s vote for the bill. Conservatives do not give addicts the means to re-abuse themselves. Yet that is exactly what Peter $tautberg voted to do. This is just one of many reasons why it is time to fire $tautberg and hire Tom Brinkman. May 6th is the primary election.”- DEMOCRAT DECEIT: Meanwhile, in the First Congressional District, Ohio First District DemocRAT Congressional Candidate Jim Prues says he’s not responsible for this banner for Prues’ opponent, Flim-Flamming Flyboy Fred Kundrata, who ran against “Bronze Star” Brad Wenstrup as a Republican in 2012, but The Blower knows who is.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Former Covington Finance Director “Buzzkill” Bob Due’s date with judicial destiny was delayed until May 15. Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E Rob Sanders tells The Blower more time is needed to see if Covington can get the city’s hands on Due’s over-taxed payer funded pension to pay back some of the $793,000 tax dollars that Due embezzled. Billy Bob the Bluegrass Bailiff says Due is hoping to get less time than the Robster is recommending if the money is paid back but regardless, Buzzkill Bob will be off to the slammer for at least a decade before it’s all over!
Plus, Alison Wondergams Grimes’ entire campaign seems to consist of sending out whiny e-mails trying to raise money. The latest says the importance of her fight to retire Bitch McConnell can’t be overstated, and another $5 donation from you would really help send a message to Karl Rove and all those fat cat Republicans planning to spend millions to bankroll a deluge of attack ads on Kentucky’s airwaves.
NO OBITS ON FACEBOOK: What is the proper protocol on Facebook after a person dies? Is the family supposed to remove the account? Wouldn’t it be disrespectful to “unfriend” an individual so his face doesn’t keep showing up whenever you log on to your Facebook page just because he’s dead? Francine the Facebook Fanatic just might have the answer: “You send him a message to see if he answers.- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane was reminding Political Insiders to remember to do something nice for the ladies in their offices Wednesday on Secretary Day, especially the ones who were about to be laid off because of ObamaCare.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio RINO Party Boss Matt Borges, just because he keeps spending all of that money from Republican donors to attack Conservative Republicans, instead of trying to defeat Disingenuous DemocRATS.
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SECRETARY’S DAY HOT LINE
e-mail your sensitive suggestions today.
Some sexual harassment items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally sexually harassing subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER LINK OF THE DAY
“This Is Not My Secretary”
(Sent in by Faux Facebook Friend Joe Braun [504 Friends, 21 Mutual Friends], who says you won’t believe the present I’m giving my secretary for Secretary’s Day. Batteries not included. )
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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