Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

With our Feckless Fishwrappers continuing to ignore all those lies being told during the 2014 Primary Campaigns (May 6 in Ohio and May 20 in Kentucky), every politician in America has been watching the Countdown Clock on the Whistleblower-Newswire Web Page clicking off the Days, Hours, Minutes, and Seconds until 10 AM on Political Liars Day this morning. Because that’s when we’ll be hearing from the most qualified attorney in history to argue for the right of all politicians to tell lies during political campaigns. —The U.S. Supreme Court
That’s why I’ll be telling SOTUSit’s not just a politician’s right to lie, it’s his duty. —Christopher P. Finney, Esquire
Does that mean anti-tax organization COAST’s Avaricious Attorney fully supports our spending all that money to tell all those lies about his friend, “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman, COAST’s other co-founder? — Ohio RINO Party Boss Matt Borges
Doesn’t anybody remember when Chris Finney used the Ohio Elections Commission process to attack me just because I told a few lies during political campaigns? — Defeated, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-In-A-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt (Not even featured Tuesday in The Fishwrap’s story about local runners returning to the Boston Marathon)
Most people didn’t know it was against Ohio law (and in at least 15 other states), making it a crime to disseminate a knowingly false statement about a candidate or ballot initiative. —Ohio Governor Kasich-Taylor
I get so confused whenever I argue against myself, like today. —Bewildered Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWhine
If you lie about a candidate in the Bluegrass we don’t prosecute you. We just kick your ass. —Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders
Do you mean it was against the law to claim we were against the streetcar during the campaign? —Cincinnati Vice Mayor David Mann, along with Clowncilmen Flynn Flam and Sitt ‘n Spin

Greetings from Swaziland! —Doofus DemocRAT Steve Dreihaus, Whose Complaint Stifles Free Speech
Shouldn’t the remedy when a politician lies during a political campaign be for that politician’s opponent to be able to tell an equal number of lies in return? —Your Friends at the ACLU
America has a rich history of lies and half-truths by candidates and presidents. In the modern era, examples range from Richard Nixon’s “I am not a crook,” Bush 41’s “Read my lips, no new taxes,” Bill Clinton’s “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” and Obama’s “If you like your health care plan, you can keep it.” —Hurley the Historian
That’s why we chose H. L. Mencken’s “The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
If lying during a political campaign had been a Federal Crime, Obama would’ve already been impeached 100 times by now. —Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
It’s OK if people want to lie to their spouses, friends, lovers, or children. At some point they’ll get caught. But lying to influence elections is not fine with me, because being swept into office on a river of lies will simply corrupt our election process more than it already is. —Truth in Politics Committee
If the Supreme Court says lying is fine in campaign ads, truth in advertising laws would be as dead as our democracy. —Truth in Advertising Committee
You should never underestimate the Roberts court. I’m sure they can come up with some way to corrupt elections even more than they already are. —The Moral Majority
The court’s recent decisions easing the flow of generous campaign contributions have already shifted the electoral landscape. If the court finds that even the most patently outrageous statements about candidates may not be barred by law, those two decisions combined could expand the rhetorical battlefield of the midterm elections and raise the attack ad volume as never before. —The Conservative Agenda
In Kentucky, when our politicians tell lies, we just consider that “Politics as Usual.” —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
Some people say I was lying when they heard my new position on ObamaCare. —Bitch McConnell
So will The Blower be covering today’s Legal Lunacy? You bet! As the official voice of the Conservative Agenda and the publication of record for all the political scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing in Southwest Ohio, our readers know to expect nothing less.—Whistleblower Legal Dream Spokesman Amicus Curiae
Does that mean when politicians say something we know isn’t true, we should continue not to mention it, just like we’ve always done in the past? —Trish the Dish at Channel 19

And if all of that isn’t newsworthy enough, let’s all watch Uncle Jay Explain the News on April 21, 2014.

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Bitch McConnell.

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower ridicules lying politicians to show that not telling the truth to the people you represent is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who lied when he swore his oath of office.

This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially our Procrastinators

LYING POLITICIANS HOTLINE

e-mail your dishonest declarations today.

Some less-than-honest items in today’s Blower were sent in by our less-than-honest items subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

65 Outrageous Lies by President Obama

(Sent in by Long-Time Whistleblower Person of Consequence Curt C. Hartman, Finney’s Henchman who will be helping Finney argue the case for lying politicians in Clermont County.)

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Special “Political Liars Day” E-dition