SATURDAY, APRIL 19, 2014
Let’s Play “What’s My Line?”
Remember that old TV game show where celebrity panelists put on blindfolds and tried to guess the identity of a famous person as the mystery guest? Let’s tune in to today’s program.
- I was born in one country, raised in another.
- My father was born in another country.
- I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women.
- I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me…
- My mother died at an early age from cancer.
- Later in life, questions arose over my real name.
- My birth records were sketchy and no one was able to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.
- I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country, but I practiced non-traditional beliefs & didn’t follow Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.
- I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them.
- That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and I embarked on a new career.
- I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was clear to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.
- I became active in local politics in my 30s then with help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a candidate for national office in my 40s. They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything. That reinforced my conceit.
- I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks.
- I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances. This bolstered my ego.
- At first, my political campaign focused on my country’s foreign policy. I was very critical of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country.
- But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country’s economy. I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would be fed and housed for free.
- I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations. I decided to start making citizens hate them and if they were envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight.
- I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics and was able to gain widespread popular support.
- I knew that, if I merely offered the people “hope,” together we could change our country and the world. So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include “persecuted minorities.” My true views were not widely known and I needed to keep them unknown, until after I became my nation’s leader.
- I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with. I’m glad they didn’t.
- hen I became the most powerful man in the world. And the world learned the truth.
Who Am I?
Wait a minute, all you Birthers out there (including Donald Trump). Before you all say Barack Hussein Obama, please let us give you a clue.
With all the Liberals’ convulsions over Gun Control and Concealed Carry Permits, Hurley the Historian says it’s amazing Kneepad Liberals won’t be celebrating Adolph Hitler’s 125th birthday tomorrow.
After all, if there was ever a guy who believed in Gun Control, it was “der Fuehrer.”
No wonder our Quote for Today Committee chose Hitler’s “What luck for rulers that men do not think.”
Noted ACLU Attorney Scott Greenwood was really sad Cincinnati City Clown-cil said Nazis for Peace had to delay their scheduled visit to Cincinnati to commemorate Hitler’s Birthday.
Maybe they’ll be all in for Marge Schott’s Birthday on August 18.
But that shouldn’t stop the rest of us from celebrating with a little Furor over the Fuehrer. So now, from “The Producers,” let’s all sing “Springtime for Hitler”:
Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story
Needed a new leader to restore
Its former glory
Where, oh, where was he?
Where could that man be?
We looked around and then we found the man for you and me
And now it’s…
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay!
We’re marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race!
As Marge Schott always used to say, “They just don’t write songs like that anymore.”
Special Hitler’s Birthday Limerick
Our Anderson Laureate now offers us a special revised-and-extended limerick for Hitler’s Birthday. Our Laureate, it is said, “knows how to keep Hitler’s Birthday well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.”
A German named Schicklgruber
(No relation to Schubert)
Fathered a son
A rather evil one
Adolph was a real special goober.
He wrestled his way to power
And caused his opponents to cower
His rhetoric was soaring
And with Goebbels and Goering
He was Germany’s “man of the hour”
But, gee, that was long long ago
Could never happen again, we know.
Hitler was an anomaly
Don’t compare him to Mr. Obamaly
(But is Barack a friend or a foe?)
April 20th is not a good day
Hitler was born then, they say.
It’s politically incorrect
To ever expect
Another like him someday.
HITLER HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOT LINE
E-mail your best wishes to Adolph today.
Some goose-stepping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally goose-stepping subscribers.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Harry Hitler of Anderson Township.
“Patriotic Politicians” By James Jay Schifrin
Patriots’ Day was fast approaching, and at the Patronage County Courthouse our three publicity obsessed county commissioners had called in noted Spin Doctor Freddie Flacker, to ensure the public saw them as the most patriotic politicians in history.
“What if we’re seen riding on a tank in the Patronage County Patriots Day Parade?” asked Commissioner Pilfer. “That ought to make us look like real war heroes.”
“That probably wouldn’t be a good idea,” said the Spin Doctor. “You’d probably come off looking like Michael Dukakis, since one of you was only a PFC and the other two dodged the draft.”
“What if we were photographed standing in front of a big American flag?” asked Commissioner Filch. “It worked for General Patton.”
“But not for Obama,” replied the Spin Doctor. “Remember that picture of him not saluting when everybody else had their hands over their hearts?”
“Here’s an idea,” suggested Commissioner Swindle. “What if we dedicated Main Street that runs all the way through the county in honor of a local war hero who died defending our country?”
“Pardon me, Commissioner,” replied the Spin Doctor. “I don’t see how signs honoring a fallen war hero would get the three of you any good publicity.”
“It would if they made the signs really big so they could put our names on them, too,” Swindle said.
This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Hitler’s Birthday Rant
PLUS
“Der Fuehrer’s Face” by Spike Jones
“Der Fuhrer’s Face” by Donald Duck
Der Fuehrer’s Face (Official Video)
(Sent in by our Faux Facebook Friend former Air Force Lieutenant Colonel, John Mitchel [267 Friends, 12 Mutual Friends], whose weekly blog, Ohio Citizens Grand Jury, exposes corruption from its headquarters in Beavercreek, Ohio—wherever the hell that is.)
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