Saturday, April 12, 2014
Heck Of A Job, Sebby!
This week at the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were all getting ready to head to the Post Office first thing Friday morning to buy Charlton Heston stamps on their first day of sale. Still, a lot of The Blower’s famous friends never got a stamp.
CINCINNATI’S SWEETHEART KATHLEEN SEBELIUS, who just resigned in disgrace as Obama’s Failed Pro-Abortion Secretary of Health and Human Service, never got a stamp.- PRESIDENT OBAMA, who says Sebby will “Go down in history” as the worst HHS Secretary ever, never got a stamp.
- OBAMA’S IRS PAID-LIAR LOIS LERNER, who may finally be held in contempt for lying to Congress, never got a stamp.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN, who says FDR became a “Good DemocRAT” on this date in 1945, never got a stamp.
- YOUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE, who chose FDR’s “Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle,” never got a stamp.
OHIO GOVERNOR KASICH-TAYLOR, who’s taking full credit for General Electric’s decision to put its global shared services hub in Southwest Ohio, never got a stamp.- CONGRESSMAN JOHN BOEHNER, who’s trying to keep his job by plowing a reported $125,000 into a two-week TV ad blitz that began late last week in southwest Ohio, didn’t get a stamp.
- PHOTOSHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFER EDWARD CROPPER, who showed us how Obama professed his full support for Secretary Sebelius, didn’t get a stamp.
SUMMIT COUNTRY DAY SCHOOL, which invited Alumna Kathleen Gilligan Sebelius to give the commencement speech in 2005 before the Board learned of the mistake and withdrew the invitation, never got a stamp.- LOCAL TEA PARTY PATRIOTS, who plan to turn next Tuesday’s big Tax Day Rally at the Eastgate Holiday Inn into a bunch of boring speeches and charge suckers $10 to attend, never got a stamp.
- CINCINNATI BAR ASSOCIATION PRESIDENT JEAN GEPPPINGER MCCOY, who admits she’s defending Federal Judge Timothy Black in expectation of future favorable decisions after Republican State Rep-Tile John Becker said the Sodomy Rites Activist should be impeached, never got a stamp.
COAST’S LITIGIOUS LAWYER CHRIS FINNEY, who’ll be arguing for a politician’s “Right to Lie during political campaigns” before the Supreme Court on April 22, never got a stamp.- ALEX T., MALL COP GOP, who lied when he said the Hamilton County RINO Party would use a “fair, open, and honest” process during the 2014 Republican Primary Election, didn’t get a stamp.
- CONVICTED DEMOCRAT VOTE FRAUDER MELOWESE RICHARDSON, who was honored by Race-Baiting FBI Informant Al Sharpton at Stevecia Race’s bogus Voters Rights Rally, never got a stamp.
FLIM-FLAMMING FLYBOY FRED KUNDRATA, who ran unsuccessfully for Congress as a Republican against “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup in Ohio’s Second District in 2012, but is now trying to run even more unsuccessfully for Congress as a Dumbed-Down DemocRAT in Ohio’s First District against Steve Chabothead, never got a stamp.- LIZ ROGERS, who says “As long as Mahogany’s owes you the money, I haven’t cheated you out of it, never got a stamp.
- DEFROCKED DEMOCRAT JUDGE TRACIE HUNTER, who’s still sitting at home collecting her full paycheck waiting to go on trial and demanding her trial be moved someplace else, never got a stamp.
- ALL THOSE DUMBED-DOWN, SELF-ABSORBED, MEDIA-INFLUENCED, CELEBRITY-OBSESSED, POLITICALLY-CORRECT, UNINFORMED, SHORT-ATTENTION-SPAN, FREE-STUFF GRABBING, LOW-INFORMATION OBAMA VOTERS WHO PUT OBAMA IN THE WHITE HOUSE—TWICE, who are willing to stand in line for three hours to vote early rather than using a 49-cent stamp to mail in an absentee ballot or walk to their neighborhood polling place on Election Day to vote for free, will never get a stamp.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR SPOILED SPORTS EDITOR ANDY FURBALL, who says the Cincinnati Reds may have been pictured on postage stamps several times over the years, but Senor Bob Castellini’s millionaires in last place sure in hell don’t deserve one, never got a stamp.- DISGRACED FORMER ANDERSON TRUSTEE KEVIN O’BRIEN, who said, “Sometimes I show up at the Penis Lineup just for fun,” never got a stamp.
- BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO, who says Kentucky Governor Steve Beshear signed that “Cannabis Oil Bill,” so druggies in Northern Kentucky could keep their cannabis oiled, never got a stamp.
- OUR GOOD FRIEND KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS, whose “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” is always bursting at the seams with ugly mugs depicting the usual druggies, thugs, thieves, and scum bags, never got a stamp.
ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS, who still manages to get his name in The Fishwrap, even though he’s promised never to practice law again in Kentucky just before the Kentucky Bar Association was about to tell him the same thing, never got a stamp.- CONSERVATIVE BLUEGRASS SENATOR RAND PAUL, who’s wearing a UCONN tie to pay off a bet after the University of Kentucky Wildcats lost in the NCAA basketball championship, never got a stamp.
- ALMOST AS CONSERVATIVE BLUEGRASS CONGRESSMAN THOMAS MASSIE, who along with other members of the House Liberty Caucus are trying to depose John Boehner as Speaker of the House, never got a stamp.
- SENATOR BITCH MCCONNELL, who sees Republicans easily willing their 2014 Senate Campaigns everywhere except in Kentucky, didn’t get a stamp.
ALISON WONDERGAMS GRIMES, who says donate $5 or more now so we can show Mitch and his wealthy special interest backers that we will not be scared by their strategy of slash and burn politics, didn’t get a stamp.- PENDLETON COUNTY HORSE ABUSER LARRY BROWNING, who denies he’s cruel to horses on his farm despite facing 15 counts of animal abuse and having 49 dead horses on his farm, didn’t get a stamp.
FINALLY, BELOVED WHISTLEBLOWER PUBLISHER CHARLES FOSTER KANE did get a stamp, and he got his when first-class postage was only 33-cents.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Kathleen Gilligan Sebelius.
“Losers Legacies” By James Jay Schifrin
Imagine the humiliation of the folks back home if someone you thought had made it really big on the national stage was finally forced to resign in disgrace? That was number one on the agenda yesterday when the Commissioners in Patronage County broke the Sunshine Law at an illegal secret executive session.
“Can you believe Obama’s Failed Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius was actually born in Cincinnati in 1948? She looks way older than that,” said Commissioner Pilfer. “Do you think Tim Burka in Hamilton County will be giving her a ticker tape parade the next time she comes to town?”
“Her father John Gilligan was once Governor of Ohio,” said Commissioner Filch. “John Kasich didn’t order flags to be flown at half staff, did he?”
“Obama says she’ll go down in history,” added Commissioner Swindle, “probably as the worst in history, just like the rest of his administration.”
“Sebelius has been an embarrassment for the past five years,” explained Commissioner Filch. “Maybe she just ran out of lies.”
“Perhaps she resigned to help incumbents in the 2014 elections who face blistering attacks after supporting ObamaCare. You know, the ones who said they voted for it so they could find out what’s in it?” added Commissioner Pilfer.
“At least there’s one good thing about resigning in disgrace,” concluded Commissioner Swindle, “You can’t be fired, and now Kathleen won’t have that free Cadillac plan government health care insurance, so she can apply for ObamaCare as soon as it’s available next January, and hope she doesn’t get sick in the meantime.”
This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
BYE-BYE SEBELIUS HOTLINE
e-mail your Silly Sebelius jokes today.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Furious Judge Jeanine Pirro Nukes Kathleen Sebelius, Oct 19, 2013
(Sent in by our Faux Facebook Friend Patrick Maloney [1,270 Friends, 56 Mutual Friends], who claims he now works at the Fountain Square Group, whatever the hell that is.)
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