Friday, April 11, 2014
It’s Almost Tax Day, Everybody!
And over-taxed payers who really hate paying taxes will no doubt be car-pooling to that big Cincinnati TEA Party Tax Day Rally (that’s really just a fund-raiser) on Tuesday, April 15, at the Eastgate Holiday Inn.
Ohio’s primary election is really vital for Conservatives on May 6, because there are so many important races on the ballot (State Senators, State Reps, and the very important Central and State Central Committee races).
So what better way to motivate the masses and increase turnout at the polls in only 25 more days than to turn a Tax Day Rally into a fund-raiser. There’s no need to hear the candidates speak, not when our local TEA Party organizers can bloviate endlessly about their claims of all they’ve accomplished.
For weeks, all those so called “Conservative Organizations” (including the Hamilton County RINO Party) have been e-mailing people on their contact lists, and if all those people showed up, Paul Brown Stadium and Mediocre American Ball Park wouldn’t be big enough to hold them all.
All the Usual Suspects will be speaking, but with there’ll be no really big name to draw a crowd. Not even a same-sex marriage supporting U.S. Senator. There could be some music, but don’t expect a rock concert atmosphere. Maybe they could bus in some protesters for a little excitement. A few biased TV reporters could create some media buzz. Sean Hannity should’ve announced he was going to be there. He could always back out at the last minute again. Those things have always helped create a crowd for our local TEA Partiers in the past. This year, they could burn Ohio Governor Kasich-Taylor in effigy. Maybe if they had a rally for people who cheat on their taxes, they’d have more people.
Organizers keep talking about the way they “launched the Cincinnati Tea Party five years ago,” but long-time Persons of Consequence on both sides of the river know it’s not exactly a new idea.
Back in 1993, The Whistleblower even played a small part in putting together an April 15 anti-tax rally on Fountain Square and a big July 30 anti-tax rally at Sawyer Park. Bill Clinton was in the White House, and “It’s the Spending, Stupid!” was just being heard for the first time.
Folks from “Taxed Enough Already” were even then trying to form a coalition of individuals and 30 organizations who were fed up with being overtaxed, government spending, and waste. That was a real TEA Party Rally, as the Commemorative April 15, 1993 Whistleblower Newswire clearly shows. No wonder the High Fiven White Guys at The Enquirer endorsed the event and Howard Wilkinson (before he became “Huggable”) may have even written something about it.
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says, “Things were really different back then. Whenever there was an anti-tax event in the tri-state, elected officials from Kentucky were also asked to participate.”
At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistlerblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he remembered most about that event. “Our anti-tax coalition made one mistake,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher recalled. “Using Indians to re-create the Boston Tea Party was ‘Politically Incorrect.’ Those revolting over-taxed payers should’ve used illegal immigrants instead.”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Patriotic Brewer Samuel Adams, whose Sons of Liberty organization carried out the original Boston Tea Party. Guys from all walks of colonial society (including artisans, craftsmen, business owners, tradesmen, apprentices, and common laborers) organized to defend their rights and to protest and undermine British rule. Hurley the Historian says some of the famous folks included John Adams, John Hancock, James Otis, Josiah Quincy, Paul Revere, and Dr. Joseph Warren.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting rabble-rousers who actually accomplish something to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Samuel Adams’ “We cannot make events. Our business is wisely to improve them.”
- “HOW ECONOMIC STIMULUS REALLY WORKS” by Licentious Libertarian Jim Berns
Sometime this year, we overtaxed payers hope to receive another “Economic Stimulus” payment (aka Tax Refund). This is indeed a very exciting program, and we’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an “Economic Stimulus” payment? A. It is money that the federal government will send to overtaxed payers.
Q. Where will the government get this money? A. From overtaxed payers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China? A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka. * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs. * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan, or China. * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala. * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea. * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan. * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by: 1) Spending it at yard sales, or 2) Going to ball games, or 3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 4) Beer or 5) Tattoos
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. ) Conclusion: Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!
- “STOP TRASHING OBAMA” by Robert F. Cunningham and Patrick Rishor
We wish people would quit trashing all of Obama’s accomplishments. He’s has done more than any other President before him. Here is a list of his most impressive accomplishments:
First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner.
First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in.
First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States.
First President to violate the War Powers Act.
First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.
First President to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party.
First President to spend a trillion dollars on “shovel-ready” jobs when there was no such thing as “shovel-ready” jobs.
First President to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters.
First President to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat.
First President to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S., including those with criminal convictions.
First President to demand a company hand-over $20 billion to one of his political appointees.
First President to tell a CEO of a major corporation (Chrysler) to resign.
First President to terminate America’s ability to put a man in space.
First President to cancel the National Day of Prayer and to say that America is no longer a Christian nation.
First President to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present.
First President to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it.
First President to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke out on the reasons for their rate increases.
First President to tell a major manufacturing company in which state it is allowed to locate a factory.
First President to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN).
First President to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago.
First President to actively try to bankrupt an American industry (coal).
First President to fire an inspector general of AmeriCorps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case.
First President to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office.
First President to surround himself with radical left wing anarchists.
First President to golf more than 150 separate times in his five years in office.
First President to hide his birth, medical, educational and travel records.
First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it.
First President to go on multiple “global apology tours” and concurrent “insult our friends” tours.
First President to go on over 17 lavish vacations, in addition to date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends paid for by the over-taxed payers.
First President to have personal servants (taxpayer funded) for his wife.
First President to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at over-taxed payers’ expense.
First President to fly in a personal trainer from Chicago at least once a week at over-taxed payers’ expense.
First President to repeat the Holy Quran and tell us the early morning call of the Azan (Islamic call to worship) is the most beautiful sound on earth.
First President to side with a foreign nation over one of the American 50 states (Mexico vs Arizona).
First President to tell the military men and women that they should pay for their own private insurance because they “volunteered to go to war and knew the consequences.”
Then he was the First President to tell the members of the military that THEY were UNPATRIOTIC for balking at the last suggestion. (Thank God, he didn’t get away with THIS one.)
So how is this hope and change’ working out for you?
It’s hard to comprehend all this guy has gotten away with. Any other president would have been impeached!!!!
What in God’s name is wrong with our government that they allow this guy carte blanc. It absolutely boggles the mind.
- “Can’t Handle the Truth” by Colonel Nathan R. Jessep
A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up – fireman, mechanic, businessman, car salesman… and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, “My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.”
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside. “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” the boy said, “He works for the DemocRAT National Committee and helped to get Obama elected, but it’s too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids.”
- AND A QUICKIE by Whistleblower War Hero Ollie Hackworth
Fox Newsbabe Dana Perino Dana Perino (FOX News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL.
After discussing all the countries that he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages.
“Oh, no ma’am. We don’t go there to talk.”
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’re Working On
Obama Fundraiser After Grieving Fort Hood Murders At $17 Million Home- House Finally Votes To Hold IRS Liar Lerner In Contempt
- John Kerry Says, “I Don’t Care If I’m Failing”
- Stocks Continue To Plunge
- Teen Stabbed 10-12 Times On OTR Streetcar Route
- Will Liz Rogers Pay Mahogany’s Back Rent Today?
- Horse Abuse In Kentucky
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said will be the most creative deduction on their tax forms:
(A) Mortgage interest on foreclosed houses: 2%
(B) Cable bills as “media research”: 1%
(C) Claiming your dog as a dependent, because he’s just like one of the family: 1%
(D) Viagra: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Taxed to the Max
This week, everybody who thinks the tax code would be a lot simpler if over-paid Congressmen were forced to fill out every one of their constituents’ tax forms for free, e-mailed his entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted anti-taxer Scofflaw Tadwell, who says, “Why should you send your hard-earned money to the government, they’ll only spend it.” Scofflaw wins a handy list of 1,001 sure-fire deductions the IRS never disputes, a box of bogus receipts for charitable contributions, and the name of a good tax attorney, in case the first and second prizes don’t work. His winning limerick is:
The Best Part About Paying Your Taxes
Is getting Big Brother off our backses.
But dumbass liberals always want to pay more
To the welfare state they so mindlessly adore.
No wonder the country is being run by quackses!
Here’s a Dishonorable Mention from “In Russ We Trust” Jackson
The best part about paying your taxes
Is the disappearance of paperwork stackses.
But if you think that Big Brother’s confiscation
Is going to take an overdue vacation
Then you must be smoking some serious crackses.
Bobby Leach says this is nostalgic
The best part about paying your taxes
Is getting Big Brother off our backses.
But Obama the Kenyan-born Lefty
Has an appetite insatiably hefty –
So hide your remaining cash and cover your trackses!
E Rob Sanders denies he sent this in
The best part about paying your taxes,
From what we can assume from your faxes,
Is that it would really be great,
To have one low flat rate,
With simple forms so we can all relaxes.
Rick “The Bat Boy” Robinson plans to include this in his next book
The best part about paying your taxes
(After they steal even your slacks) is
You can appeal what they say
But you won’t get your way
Regardless of what the facts is.
Bill Hemmer will do anything to get some local publicity
The best part about paying your taxes
Is how creative your accountant waxes.
He’ll itemize your deductions
With such inventive reductions
That he’ll shrink your tax bill to the maxes.
Roger Ach says “Paying taxes is for fools!”
The best part about paying your taxes
Is that it pays for the government’s praxis*
But you better remember
Since Obama won last November
Your money now belongs to the Barrackses!
James “The Rock” Bogen doesn’t like paying taxes either
The best part about paying your taxes,
It buys saunas and bikini waxes.
Not for you, of course;
You still work like a horse
But Barack goes to a spa and relaxes!
And from the Anderson Laureate (who hasn’t even started working on his taxes):
The best part of paying your taxes
They’ll be well-spent, that’s what the facts is
The President can afford a vacation
And the Cabinet will each have a libation
And Congress can buy themselves bikini waxes
The best part about paying your taxes
Is that Michelle can now pay for bikini waxes
But for God’s sake, don’t look
Your eyeballs will cook
And the world will stop spinning on its axis.
The best part about paying your taxes
It that the hold on your wallet relaxes.
The government’s all thieves
No matter what Obama believes
And that’s just the truth about what the facts is.
Finally, here’s one from Robin in Ludlow where the last line doesn’t quite rhyme, but the sentiments are so endearing:
The Best Part About Paying Your Taxes
Is demonstrating just what the fact is
We work hard for our money
But that Bi-Racial Dummy
Will endlessly piss it away!
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“The Best Part about Tax Freedom Day”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, FLIM-FLAMMING FLYBOY FRED KUNDRATA, who ran unsuccessfully for Congress as a Republican against “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup in Ohio’s Second District in 2012, but is now trying to run even more unsuccessfully for Congress as a Dumbed-Down DemocRAT in Ohio’s First District against Steve Chabothead.
TURBO-TAXED PAYERS HOT LINE
E-mail your tax cheating tips today
Some non-deductible items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally non-deductible subscribers.
OVER-TAXED PAYERS VIDEO OF THE DAY
Liberal Taxes explained
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Charlie Norman [1,852 Friends, 142 Mutual], who says Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWhine makes all his Regional Directors dress up for work.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
