One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Happy Birthday to the Old Rail-Splitter
Hurley the Historian says today is Lincoln’s real birthday, and to celebrate that occasion in 1999, the DemocRAT Controlled U.S. Senate voted to acquit Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton on his impeachment charges of perjury and obstruction of justice.
In Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders if any of our local Kneepad Liberals in the Press will remember any of this when our Peyronie’s President campaigns for Alison Wondergams Grimes equally foolish attempt to unseat Kentucky Senior Senator Bitch McConnell in November.
Today our Quote for Today Committee’s selection by Abraham Lincoln should come as no surprise: “You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” Back then, however, Honest Abe could’ve never imagined today’s Republicans in Congress.
But today, what will make this Wednesday all the more historic will be when Obama tries to fool all of the people one more time with his annual Lincoln’s Birthday Greetings, so Obama Supporters in the Press can spin favorable comparisons of Obama and wonder aloud when Obama’s likeness will be added to Mount Rushmore.
- Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says House Wimp John Boehner proved how often he could be fooled on Tuesday when he raised the white flag and pulled that debt-ceiling bill he unveiled last night and moved forward with a “clean” unconditional surrender bill to Obama and the DemocRATS to raise the nation’s $17.2 Trillion Debt Limit. How many opponents does Boehner have for the May 6 GOP Primary in only 83 more days. Are any of them even fogging a mirror these days?
There’s little to worry about for all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters who gave Obama another four years to ruin the country in 2012. They can still look forward to enjoying the next 1,073 days of the America’s Dark Ages during Obama’s Second Term (unless he’s impeached).
How many of you remember Obama’s Annual Messianic Message first delivered at Obama’s First State of Dis-Union Address in 2009? The Fishwrap’s front-page White House Approved headline said it all: “We will recover,” Obama declares.
It was no wonder Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception said he felt so secure all of a sudden.
- Whistleblower Presidential Historian Dorian Grady says it would’ve been nice if the Media’s Messiah had ever explained “how and when” or even “how much Obama’s Recovery would cost.” In every one of Obama’s Annual State of Dis-Union Addressees, not a single speech revealed a clue about how his administration would help people find jobs and grow the economy. Unfortunately, during the first five years, not a single one of Obama’s cockamamie Liberal ideas worked. Even more unfortunately, all those Obama Supporters have afflicted the rest of us with three more years of failure.
FOOL’S ERRAND UPDATES: Speaking of people you can fool every time, Gullible Republicans hereabouts can now get on Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP’s list to receive Tweets every five minutes on the incredible efforts to bring the 2016 Republican National Convention to Cincinnati. Welcome to Loserville, Population: YOU! - The Hamilton County Board of Elections says one Republican Retard who wasn’t fooled might be the guy who ran against “Mean Jean” in the GOP Primary in 2012 and is now running as a Declared DemocRAT in Steve Chabothead’s district in 2014.
- Trolley Folly Troublemaker Tino Delgato was reading all about the uphill battle to extend the line to Uptown. Tino wonders IF they verified that the chosen trolley cars have been tested and certified to climb such a steep grade up the incline to “Pill Hill.” His guess is IF you ask you will get some dumb look and sent “next door.” Go Figure!!!”
- Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says gullible Cincinnati Reds fans are all set to be disappointed again in 2014, as Senor Bob Castellini’s millionaire pitchers and catchers report to Goodyear, Arizona for spring training on Friday.
And speaking of Suckers, a zillion people are prepared to shell out all that cash to see the Princess Diana Exhibit at the Cincinnati Museum Center beginning on Friday. Ghostbusters are wondering if Di’s specter will also attend the event. What a great time the royal apparition could have roaming the halls with the Museum Center’s resident spook “Shirley.”- Our Good Friend Bobby Leach was watching the finals of the 138th Annual Westminster Dog Show on TV last night, hoping that Bluegrass Leg Humper would get the best in show award.
- In today’s Racial Healing Moment, Buckwheat Blackwell and Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane (finalists for the Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Awards during Black History Month (now called Half-Black History Month in honor Obama), want to remind everybody that not only was Martin Luther King a Republican, but so was our birthday boy, you know— the guy who actually freed the slaves, you Affirmative Action ingrates!
- Whistleblower Hispanic Translators Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose report 700,000 Hondurans reside in the United State and eight of their US consuls have been selling fake identification cards for $50. Bet you can find a few in few cards on the illegal immigrants residing in Lower Price Hill. Driving thru this area, it looks like you’re in a third world country.
Twenty-three years ago this week, when Edition #37 (published on February 12, 1991) of the original printed edition of The Whistleblower (not the Newswire) was delivered to Persons of Consequence all over town, anti-war protesters were besides themselves for not being advised of Jane Fonda’s visit to Cincinnati the previous week. Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel says the Celebrity Traitoress was in town visiting her future mother-in-law.
Also that week, there was a discount coupon for Republican Clown-cilman Nick Vehr, many years before he ever thought of flim-flamming local leaders with his Phony Baloney Olympics bid in 2012.
Are you sure The Nickster isn’t advising Alext T. about his own flim-flammery for donations supposedly to bring the 2016 Republican National Convention to the Queen City.
At the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Ghizzy Lizzy and The Monz were eliminated after yesterday’s skating competition when Ghizzy Lizzy tossed her partner all over the ice, as this new video clearly shows. - Meanwhile, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says many of the Northern Kentucky communities have long since run out of Calamity Days for their schools and will soon be completely out of salt for their icy streets. There are a lot of salt substitutes they could use. You can use garlic powder as a salt alternative, but don’t use garlic salt, or you defeat the purpose.
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if he’d heard about those “13 Common Words That Will Get Your Email Flagged by the NSA.”
“They’re probably not the same seven words George Carlin said you’re not allowed to say on TV (shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits),” Kane explained. “Our culture has devolved so far down during the past five years, the Obama Administration is now using every single one of them them in their ObamaCare TV commercials.”
- FINALLY, OUR CUNNING LINGUIST has this language advisory:
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Lincoln Impersonators.
LINCOLN’S BIRTHDAY PARTY HOT LINE
e-mail us your favorite slave-freer jokes today.
Some really historically inaccurate items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really historically inaccurate items subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Abraham Lincoln Tribute
(Sent in by Faux Facebook Friend Patrick Maloney)
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