Monday, February 10, 2014
What Ordinary Americans Think of “Indecision 2014”
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen reports last Wednesday at 4 PM was the May 6 Primary filing deadline for candidates in Ohio (The January 28 Filing Deadline in Kentucky had already passed), and political junkies have now learned who is running for what office, which incumbents are facing challengers, and how much into the game our TEA Party Patriots plan to be in 2014.
But unfortunately, all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters who gave Obama another four years to ruin the country in 2012 couldn’t care less, because we’ll all be suffering through the next 1,075 days of the America’s Dark Ages during Obama’s Second Term (unless he’s impeached).
That’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects. We found them at dawn still praying for free health care at the 73,381 pound World Peace Bell in Newport, Kentucky Sunday morning.
We just had to find out what they really thought about all those really important upcoming local elections. Remembering that only about 5.6% of Cincinnati’s apathetic registered voters even bothered to show up for that $400,000 Meaningless Cincinnati Mayoral Primary last September 10, The Blower predicts voters won’t be standing in long lines if they bother to show up at all on May 6 in Ohio or May 20 in Kentucky.
MAMA MARUSKA, RETIRED HOMEMAKER: There must be a zillion people running for all of those political offices in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. The landscape will once again be littered with their yard signs. But how is anybody supposed to know which candidate to vote for until the Morning Fishwrap publishes its complete list of political endorsements for every one of those races?
PORKY DORKMAN, STUDENT: My teacher (whose union spent millions of dollars in ad buys supporting ObamaCare but now they want to be exempt), wants everybody in the class to go home and tell our parents to call their Republican Members of Congress and demand they tell GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner to cave in to Obama’s demands to increase his Debt Ceiling Limit before the February 27 deadline.
MARLENE MANDIBLE, TOTALLY UNEMPLOYABLE: I’m glad those DemocRAT Candidates Who Care About People Like Me are promising to restore some of my Food Stamp money, because Obamacare will be making my Medicaid fiscally unsustainable, and the Ladies on “The View” say Obama will be forced use the power of his pen to shut down the government again so all of our Obama Supporters in the Press can blame it on the Republicans.
NORMA RASHID, FORMER TV5 ANCHORWOMAN: If local Republican candidates would only forget to about saving local over-taxed payers money, I could just sit home alone waiting for Charlie to call, except every time the phone rings it’s only just another recorded message from Charlie telling me not to forget to vote for him as Judge in the Hamilton County Probate Court Primary Election in only 85 more days. Now if only I lived in Ohio, instead of in Fort Thomas, Kentucky, maybe I could vote for him.
LINDA LIBEL, GOSSIP COLUMNIST: Everybody at The Blower has been wondering if the Hamilton County Board of Elections made a really big mistake this year, listing a candidate who ran as a Republican in 2012 as a DemocRAT candidate for a major political office in the 2014 Primary Elections on May 6. That’s why I called Amy Searcy at the BOE, and she verified it wasn’t a mistake, because a guy who ran and lost as a Republican last time, is now running in another district as a DemocRAT this time. Wait till you hear the rest of this story. 
JACK MEHOFF, USED SOLAR PANEL SALESMAN: Clermont County Republicans settled the question of every local campaign for 2014 when GOP Chairman Tim Rudd continued the way of the Schmidtheads who earned Clermont County its’ standing as the most corrupt political organization in Ohio by endorsing the Party’s chosen cronies nearly a month before the board of elections, and the voters, learned who the various candidates would be. All of those Hamilton County transplants, who couldn’t find Batavia on a map, now follow rubber stamp Rudd’s “Official GOP endorsement” at the polls. If only those Clermont cronies were as adept at governance as they have been at corruption. 
SUZIE SOCCERMOM, TEA PARTY PRINCESS: I like following the big issues, that’s why I listen to Rush and Hannity on the radio and like to watch Ohio TEA Party Guy Tom Zawistowski having all that fun with Neil Cavuto on Fox News, like when he discussed Obama’s pre-Super Bowl interview with Bill O’Reilly, and told a big lie when he said there was no corruption in the IRS Targeting of TEA Party Groups.
REVERUM CALHOUN, MINISTER: Yesterday I told my congregation that we no longer had to pretend to care about supporting the most competent person for political office, especially after Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka said, “It’s important for the majority-black House 32nd District that runs north from the riverfront through Cincinnati’s urban core to be represented by an African-American.”
LEROY WILLIAMS, OBAMACARE NAVIGATOR: If only Demented DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioner Odd Todd Opportune had stayed in the race for governor, and Eric Kearney hadn’t dropped out of his race for Lt. Governor just because folks wouldn’t cut him some slack for being a little late on a few tax payments, they could’ve joined David A. Pepper running for Ohio Attorney General, and Connie “The Pillager” running for Ohio Treasurer, and Cincinnati would’ve had four statewide losers.
AWAN AFUQYA, MUSLIM SYMPATHIZER: Republicans in Congress like Steve Chabothead continue to divide the country with their demands for Fiscal Responsibility, so the news media won’t have time to cover Obama’s support for Terrorist Organizations around the world, and ordinary Americans could stop worrying about threats from Murdering Muslims who have sworn Jihad to behead every infidel in America.
EMILY FRUMP, RETIRED CITY EMPLOYEE: Ever since I retired last year, I’ve been stopping in several times a day at the Carolyn Washburn Drop-Inn Center for Extremely Unattractive Nymphomaniacs, another one of the seemingly endless United Appall Agencies serving some of the area’s more unfortunate citizens. I hope the United Appall meets its fund-raising goal next week so I can continue to meet lonely men and satisfy their insatiable sexual cravings. I just want to be loved, is there anything wrong with that?”
BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: How’s this for my poem today? Obama and the DemocRATS, have shredded the Constitution. So now our form of government, is political prostitution.
SEEDY DIEHL, NORTHERN KENTUCKY HOMELESS GUY: Now that Bluegrass TEA Party Congressman Thomas Massie told the truth and admitted Congress won’t be paying for any new bridges between Ohio and Kentucky anytime soon, because there’s no magic pot of money in Washington, my friends and I no longer have to worry about construction workers forcing us to relocate from our prime riverfront campsites.
CH SNITCH, 1000 MAIN STREET: All the Party Hacks were really hoping Disgruntled Defrocked DemocRAT Juvenile Court Judge Tracie Hunter was running for re-election this year, but her fired public defender/ Tracie Hunter supporter Susannah Meyer is running against a Distinguished Jurist like John Williams, especially since her had a reputation at the courthouse for being incompetent and skipping out on work, and that her nickname at the courthouse was “Princess Crazypants.”
SID SCHLOCK, SLUMLORD: I’m concerned that Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP is permitting Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor to run unopposed one more time, especially after the drive-by tax hiker promised to donate most of his pension money to charity. I think the old Dustbuster should just call it quits and stick to some he knows how to do, like playing old Beatles songs on the radio. 
KEN CAMBOO, NORTHERN KENTUCKY JOURNALIST: Bluegrass Republicans will have the most interesting race during the next 99 days until the May 20 Primary in Kentucky, because a lot of Conservatives would like to see Matt Bevin replace Kentucky’s Senior Senator Bitch McConnell, especially after the Embarrassing Republican Senate Minority Leader Surrendered to Obama and Harry Reid over shutting down the Federal Government.
TEA PARTY TIM: I heard “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman is running against $tate Rep-tile-for-Sale Peter $tautberg in the Ohio GOP Primary on May 6, because all those people at last week’s Anderson Township Republican Club meeting blasted $tautberg for all of his inconsistencies and fence sitting when he tried to address their questions and concerns about Common Core, whatever the hell that is. Stautberg continues to ignore his constituents and will not take positions. It’s like listening to Obama. He also did not want to get involved in helping Anderson residents rid their government of a corrupt trustee through a recall process.
EARL PITTS, TAXIDERMIST: I wish Slut-for Obama Laure “Not So-Cleanlivin’ was running for some office during this primary season, so she could pay a so-called Conservative like me to support her again, like I did when I endorsed her for Cincinnati City Clown-cil in 2013. Instead, I’ll try to flim-flam “BeanBall Jim” Bunning and some of the candidates running for office in Campbell, Kenton, and Boondoggle Counties in northern Kentucky.
ED NORTON, CURRENTLY FURLOUGHED NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEWER WORKER: I can hardly wait to be invited to meet Disgraced Former Pants Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton when Northern Kentucky DemocRAT Dominatrix Kathy Groob invites some of her friends to her house Fort Mitchell to support DemocRAT Alison Wondergams Grimes’s campaign to unseat Bitch McConnell in the U.S. Senate, which everybody knows is only a rehearsal for Hillary’s big campaign for President in 2016.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Dishonest Politicians!
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