Saturday, February 8, 2014
What a Difference a Year Makes
- Think of how much things have changed since the first Saturday in February, 2013. It was our Special “Ignoring National News” E-dition because everybody knows “All politics is local!”
OUR NUMBER ONE STORY LAST YEAR was the anniversary celebration in Clermont County of the Archie Wilson Scandal, and the Cronies asked us to reprise our Top Ten List in Archie’s Honor.
So once again, was the top ten reasons the Resigned in Disgrace Former Clermont County Commissioner Archie Wilson traded drugs for sex with a hooker who called herself “Amanda Lay” at a sleazy motel in Northern Kentucky:
10. I forgot
9. The dog ate it
8. She told me she loved me
7. I did it to help the homeless
6. The Devil made me do it
5. I just wanted to be loved–is there anything wrong with that?
4. I’m a TEA Party Republican
3. I was framed
2. This whole thing is just one big terrible mistake
…and the Number One Reason Resigned in Disgrace Former Clermont County Commissioner Archie traded drugs for sex with a hooker who called herself Amanda Lay at a sleazy motel in Northern Kentucky was… the guys at GOP Headquarters and the campaign manager of my first political campaign for Batavia Township Trustee (none other than That Corrupt Evicted Lying Plagiarizing Meddling Overblown Bought-and-paid-For Tax-and-Spend RINO Bitch-in-a-Ditch Mean Jean Schmidt) said nobody would ever find out.
As The Blower predicted, “Mean Jean” has indeed returned to politics, not attempting to regain her former seat in Congress, but as a lowly Clermont County Central Committee Candidate against Kirk McCracken and Robert Messer. There’s no word yet about how much money those Murdering Muslims will be pouring into her campaign.
It’s been ten years since Ohio Second Congressional District has had an incumbent running unopposed in the GOP Primary, but that was before the Late, Great Rob Portman decided to flush his career down the crapper by turning his OH2 over to the most embarrassing elected official in Southwest Ohio History (including Jerry Springer).
And this year, The Blower wonders if the Hamilton County Board of Elections has ever made a mistake? We know they do their best to uncover voter fraud, even if it includes investigating high-ranking Republican elected officials like Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters’ address. But have they ever committed the unforgivable sin of listing a Republican Candidate as a DemocRAT?
AT THE SAME TIME LAST YEAR IN HAMILTON COUNTY, we were reacting to Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP’s “Groveling for Candidates,” when a Real Republican asked if anyone had ever succeeded when asked to do something as a favor to Alex T? Had anyone ever gotten up off the couch and done something well when prompted by a mass e-mail? The message shouldn’t have been “We need you to run,” but “We have a stable of candidates and here are some great things about them.” He needed to make people want to join them. The Army had a huge problem with recruitment in the 70s after Vietnam. They had two wimpy slogans “Join the People Who Have Joined the Army” and “The Army Wants to Join You!” Then, in the 80s, one of the Army’s generals who was in charge of personnel and recruiting adopted and shaped the “Be All That You Can Be” campaign and recruitment soared. That General, by the way, was the late H. Norman Schwarzkopf.
Last year, Alex T. and the brains on the West side climbed all over the Rocky Bioman bandwagon and appointed him to be a Green Township trustee. He served without distinction and won election and promptly resigned since he was too busy.
This really makes one wonder about their vetting process at GOP HQ.
AT THE SAME TIME LAST YEAR IN CINCINNATI, The Blower asked if it was true that Loony Libertarian Mayoral Candidate Jim Berns (who made news that week asking our Nine Fine Clowns at the City Hall Circus to save $400,000 this year by eliminating mayoral primary election on September 10), then planned to call for a resolution against the use of drones over Cincinnati, simply because he likes to take nude sunbaths in the back yard of his home on North Bend Road.
Also in Cincinnati, Over-Taxed Payers’ prayers had been answered: “We don’t need no stinking money for the Trolley Folly to take the visitors to the casino. They’re planning on using a shuttle service!!”
This year in Cincinnati, Town Tattler Tino Delgato says, “Start the clock on Mahogany’s demise. As The Blower predicted, Liz Rogers has fallen behind on a loan to the city and owes money to the state for sales tax payments and workers’ compensation policies. Where is the former Cincinnati Mayor Mallory on this one? I am guessing he is not in their kitchen. Look for new tenants in 2015. Go Figure!!!
AT THE SAME TIME LAST YEAR IN ANDERSON, the Anderson Township Republican Central Committee endorsed incumbent Trustee President Peggy Reis and Josh Gerth (President of the Anderson Republican Club and the Anderson Park Board) for the two trustee slots in this fall’s elections. Not endorsed were Outcast Republican Greg Delev and Disgraced Current Masturbating Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien, running as unindicted co-conspirators totally supporting the Forrest Gump School Tax Hike, fully supported by the Anderson Agnostics at the Forest Hills Urinal.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1587, Mary Queen of Scots was beheaded, but many Whistleblower subscribers remember that time when we showed the picture of “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman cutting “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s head off that cake. “TaxKiller” says “When I beat $tate Rep-tile-for-Sale Peter $tautberg in the GOP Primary in only 87 more days, TEA Party Patriots are going to give me a cake where I can cut his balls off.”- AT THE SAME TIME LAST YEAR IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wondered if anybody remembered when Hollywood Liberal Ashley Judd said she was “taking a close look” at a potential run against Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell in 2014.
Somebody must have been taking Ashley seriously, because Karl Rove’s Super PAC American Crossroads targeted the actress in a brutal attack ad.
By protecting McConnell, Karl Rove and company were finally out front with their disdain for the Conservative movement. The Blower predicted Conservatives’ battle would be a long, hard slog against the establishment. And as Breitbart said, “We will prevail, because we actually believe in core principles and a cause greater than our egos and money.”
AT THE SAME TIME LAST YEAR, FOLLOWING THE PREVIOUS NIGHT’S SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the Forrest Gump School Board’s timing of its putting their big tax hike on the May 7 ballot. “Great idea,” Kane explained. “All those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters might still like pissing all their money away. Looking at how much school taxes they pay on their property tax bills should’ve convinced all but the most dumbed-down on the voting rolls.”
This year, those Greedy Gumpers are weighing a new tax hike plan. Will they never learn?
- MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Former WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Darryl Parks’ “Anybody who votes for a school levy is stupid.”
- FINALLY, FROM THE 2014 OLYMPICS IN SOCHI, the Whistleblower Winter Olympics Committee is pleased to report that some of our local ice dancers are still in the running.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially GAY ICE DANCERS.
CELEBRATING BLACK HISTORY MONTH HOT LINE
e-mail your favorite smothered pig ears and fried okra recipes today.
Some racial healing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally racial healing subscribers.
MORE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL CARTOONS
Whistleblower Link of the Day
BLACK HISTORY MONTH VIDEO: Whites Only Laundry
(Sent in By Charlie Windbag)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
“Mission Impossible” by James Jay Schifrin
RINGGG!
“Good Morning Mr. Phelps. We’re all out of self-destruct tape recorders, so I had to call you myself.”
“Yes, Mr. President.”
“We’ve got a little problem.”
“Which one, Mr. President?”
“You know, the 50 members of the Carter-Mondale Re-election Committee held captive by terrorists for four months in Iran. We need them to help in the primaries. The taxpayers are getting wise. They’re starting to ask about the empty desks in Washington. All the federal employees I sent up to New England have to go back to work. Or we’ll actually have to pay people with our own money. Nothing else has worked. You’re our only hope, Phelps.”
“What do you expect us to do, Mr. President?”
“Your mission, should you wish to accept it, is to sneak into the American Embassy in Teheran past 35 million Iranian fanatics, get our people out safely, substitute Kennedy campaign workers, then replace the Ayatollah with my brother Billy. As always, if any of your people are killed or captured, Hodding Carter will disavow your actions. What do you say, Phelps?”
“Sorry, Mr. President. We can’t do it.”
“Come on Phelps. Be a sport. You’ve handled impossible missions for years. Remember how you helped me get elected? Help me out, just one more time, please.”
“Sorry, Mr. President. No can do. You scrapped our agency two years ago.”
This op-ed column first appeared in the feisty Mt. Washington Press on March 8, 1980.
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