Friday, February 7, 2014
Olympic Outrages
Whistleblower Alternate Lifestyles Contributors Ben Dover aqnd Phil McKrevis say it promises to be a gay old time in Russia for the next few weeks, where Obama will be boycotting the 2014 Olympics in Sochi, because of the insensitivity of Bad Vlad Putin’s anti-gay laws that hurt the feelings of all of Obama’s Gay and Lesbian American Athletes taking part.
But to show its support, the Obama administration will however rollout an Olympic-size ad blitz to push over-taxed-payer funded ObamaCare during the winter games on TV.
Gay rights activists across the world held a day of protests against the Russian government, just two days before the Winter Olympics began, but those protests failed to persuade sponsors of the event to speak out over Russia’s controversial laws on homosexuality.
Outgoing “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno says, “In advance of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, the Russian government announced that, contrary to popular belief, people in Russia will be allowed to protest. But only in a special protest zone – known as ‘Siberia.'”
David Letterman says, “The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch.”
And Conan O’Brien says, “A Russian official announced that gay athletes attending the 2014 Olympics there will be arrested. This is good news for the world’s three straight male figure skaters. Just show up, get a medal, you’re done. No competition.”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than local Flim-flammer Nick Vehr, who scammed all that money from local leaders for his phony baloney 2012 Olympics bid. Which is probably why our Quote for Today Committee chose Thomas Tusser’s (and Nick Vehr’s Family Motto) “A fool and his money are soon parted.”
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting local communications consultants who claim “Results Matter,” has selected our former Cincinnati Clown-cilman (who caught two passes in nine games for Coach Dan Devine as a member of the 1978 Notre Dame football team) to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
- “A COUNTRY FOUNDED BY GENIUSES BUT RUN BY IDIOTS” by Jeff Foxworthy
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If, in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If an 80-year-old woman or a three-year-old girl who is confined to a wheelchair can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is “cute,” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion, while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If the government’s plan for getting people back to work is to provide incentives for not working, by granting 99 weeks of unemployment checks, without any requirement to prove that gainful employment was diligently sought, but couldn’t be found — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more “safe” according to the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.
What a country!
- “FAMOUS PRESIDENTIAL LIES” by To The Point News
LBJ: We were attacked (in the Gulf of Tonkin )
Nixon: “I am not a crook”
GHW Bush: “Read my lips – No New Taxes”
Clinton: “I did not have sex with that woman… Miss Lewinski”
GW Bush: “Iraq has weapons of mass destruction”
Obama: “I will have the most transparent administration in history,” “The stimulus will fund shovel-ready jobs,”.”I am focused like a laser on creating jobs.” “The IRS is not targeting anyone,” “It was a spontaneous riot about a movie,” “If I had a son,” “I will put an end to the type of politics that “breeds division, conflict and cynicism,” “You didn’t build that!” “I will restore trust in Government,” “The Cambridge cops acted stupidly,” “The public will have 5 days to look at every bill that lands on my desk,” “It’s not my red line – it is the world’s red line.” “Whistle blowers will be protected in my administration,” “We got back every dime we used to rescue the banks and auto companies, with interest.” “I am not spying on American citizens,” “Obama Care will be good for America,” “You can keep your family doctor,” “Premiums will be lowered by $2,500,” “If you like it, you can keep your current healthcare plan,” “It’s just like shopping at Amazon.” “I knew nothing about “Fast and Furious” gunrunning to Mexican drug cartels.” “I knew nothing about IRS targeting conservative groups,” “I knew nothing about what happened in Benghazi ,” “I have never known my uncle from Kenya who is in the country illegally and who was arrested and told to leave the country over 20 years ago,” “And, I have never lived with that uncle. He finally admitted (12-05-2013) that he DID know his uncle and that he DID live with him.”
And Obama’s biggest lie of all: “I, Barrack Hussein Obama, pledge to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States of America.”
I believe we have a winner!
- “A LIBERAL PARADISE” by Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office, Phoenix, Arizona
A “Liberal Paradise” is a place where…
1. Everybody has guaranteed employment 2. Free comprehensive health care 3. Free education 4. Free food 5. Free housing 6. Free clothing 7. Free utilities 8. And only Law Enforcement has guns!
Believe it or not, such a place does indeed exist! It’s called “PRISON!
AND A QUICKIE by Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
I rear-ended a car this morning on way the work And there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Well I couldn’t believe it. He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!” So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?” And that’s how the fight started…..
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Today’s Black History Month Moment
How insensitive was it for Dan Monk at Channel 9 “Substantially True” News to report that Mahogany’s at the Banks is behind a paltry $22,000 on its taxes? February is Black History Month and reporting such things is during this period is really racist! Plus, Dan was simply following The Whistleblower Motto when he also reported one of Departed Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory’s Politically Correct Projects (Supported by six DemocRATS on Cincinnati City Clown-cil) was also behind on its loan payments to the City of Cincinnati. The Gloating Lamp at The Blower is lit, because we told you this would happen!
Stories We’re Working On
Gay Sex in Sochi- Russia seeks to soothe security jitters
- Putin’s girlfriend may light Olympic Torch
- Russia blocks yogurt shipment to US athletes
- Race to kill all stray dogs before Friday opening
- Hotel horror stories
- Residents ordered to surrender pillows
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s which Gay Winter Olympics events the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they enjoyed watching most:
(A) Bisexual Biathlon: 2%
(B) Lesbian Spit Swapping: 1%
(C) Nordic Combined: 3%
(D) Swishing: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Jacking Up Your Taxes
This week, everybody who can’t understand how his real estate values can be plummeting during the Obama Recession at the same time his property taxes are being jacked up, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted anti-taxer Norquist Tadwell, who says, “I wouldn’t mind paying these jacked-up taxes, if only they were educating the kids with the money.”
Norquist wins an autographed photo of the Hamilton County Auditor with Egg All Over His Face, an Official Whistleblower Jacked-up Property Values Complaint Form, free tickets to a seminar to learn how to successfully challenge the Auditor’s phony baloney value for his property, a “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman “No More Drive-By Appraisals” sign for his yard, and tips from Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz on how he got his old pal the Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor (who was permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street) to give him an historic tax reduction. His winning entry is:
When the Auditor jacks up your taxes
With drive-by appraisals and other false facts-es,
It’s no wonder that residents flee!
Is there no one to save the bourgeoisie
From these insatiable bureaucratic acts-es?
When your county auditor jacks up your taxes,
Make sure no one in his office relaxes.
File your complaint,
And show no restraint,
When you send them lots of rude faxes.
When your county auditor jacks up your taxes,
You’ll no longer be shopping at Sax’s
What’s really not funny
Is what they’ll do with your money
They should remember what they did with their axes.
And from the Anderson Laureate we have another anti-tax message:
When the auditor jacks up your taxes
Don’t bother trying to find out what the facts is;
No good it will do ya,
He just loves to screw ya,
He’ll getcha where your fronts or your backs is!
The first line of next week’s limerick is: “If you forget St. Valentine’s Day”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Gay Olympians.
OLYMPIC OUTRAGES HOT LINE
e-mail your insensitive insults today.
Some gay bashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally gay bashing subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Sexy Female Winter Olympic Athletes Sochi 2014
(Sent in by Anderson Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
