Sunday, February 2, 2013
The Whistleblower Week in Review
OUR NUMBER ONE SUPER BOWL HYPE STORY THIS WEEK was when the New Jersey Mayor hosting the Super Bowl was not invited to game.
- OUR NUMBER TWO SUPER BOWL HYPE STORY THIS WEEK was when it was announced that the Broncos’ Top Receiver’s Mom and Grandma would be watching the game from prison.
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE SUPER BOWL HYPE STORY THIS WEEK was when Broncos’ quarterback all-star Peyton Manning learned New Jersey Taxes could eat up all of his Super Bowl Earnings. Is America a great country or what.
- MONDAY in our Special “Obama-Reagan Comparisons” E-dition, The Blower said, “Liberals keep trying to win one FROM the Gipper!”
The Flipper and the Gipper
At this weekend’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were already asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about The Blower’s plans for next Sunday’s E-dition, following our upcoming coverage of Obama’s Annual State of Disunion Speech on Tuesday, that George Will calls Obama’s Vulgar State of the Union Circus.
“That’s Super Bowl XLVIII between the American Football Conference (AFC) champion Denver Broncos and the National Football Conference (NFC) champion Seattle Seathawks,” exclaimed Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy Furball, “there’s nothing in the world more important than that.
“Not so,” countered Hurley the Historian, “on next Sunday, February 2, not only will it also be Groundhog Day, but it will also be only four more days until Ronald Reagan’s Birthday, the Holiest Day of the Year for all Conservatives in America. Think about how all those other so-called Conservative publications and web pages will be exploiting The Gipper next week to increase their circulations and sell their crappy products.”
“How about combining the events,” Kane suggested, “Just before the Super Bowl kickoff, a tribute to Reagan could be displayed on the giant scoreboard at the MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. There ought to be a big enough audience for that.
[READ MORE HERE]
- TUESDAY in our Special “State of Disunion” E-dition, The Blower said, “Remember five years ago when Obama promised he’d unite us?” and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
Can you believe, some voters in Divided America actually plan to follow Obama’s State of Dis-Union speech tonight, but those same voters acknowledge that presidents generally don’t accomplish most of what they promise in their annual addresses to the nation. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
Maybe that’s why we chose Dick Gregory’s, “Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Here’s a video of the rehearsal for Obama’s State of Disunion Address tonight. —Your DC Newsbreaker
When we asked voters what should be the top priority for President Obama and Congress in 2014, nobody really cared about Obama’s top issues. Income inequality earned 1%, class inequality earned 1%, gun issues earned 1%, and immigration earned only 2%. —Quinnipiac Pollsters.
And here’s more bad news for our Obama Supporters in the Press who are desperate to further their Global Warming hoax: Only 2% of the public see the environment as a priority. —Obama’s Organizing for Action PAC
[READ MORE HERE]
- WEDNESDAY in our Special “How Cold Was It” E-dition, The Blower said, “It was so cold, we actually saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!”
It Was So Cold…
Timing is everything in comedy, so if you were ever going to tell your best “It was so cold” joke, yesterday would’ve been a pretty good day to tell it.
That of course includes all those folks who can’t start a conversation without first giving you a weather report. How many times did somebody ask you if it was cold enough for you yesterday? Not too many, we would imagine.
It was “so cold” yesterday for a lot of people. Late night hosts ganged up on the weather. Folks on Facebook tried to pretend they had a sense of humor about it, too. Even some people in the news media tried to get in on the game. Meanwhile, some of our favorite folks thought it was so cold, too:
Obama said, “It was so cold, Republicans in Congress clapped to keep warm during my State of Disunion Speech.” Republicans in Congress who didn’t have the courage to boycott that speech said, “It was so cold, we thought we felt our spines stiffen.” But that was only a momentary twinge, because they were all in their places with bright shiny faces Tuesday night. Schools were closed yesterday for another day of record Global Warming. WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham says he hasn’t seen weather this cold since he was a draft dodger in Saskatchewan. Steve Chabothead said, “It was so cold yesterday I wore a warm wombat on my head and nobody even complained.” And Our Good Friend Bobby Leach says all those women never believed me when I blamed the size on my penis on the cold weather.
[READ MORE HERE]
- THURSDAY, in our Special “SOTUS Analysis” E-dition, The Blower said, “An Instant Cure for Insomnia!”
OBAMA’S INSTANTLY FORGETTABLE STATE OF DISUNION ADDRESS: Tuesday night, Obama threatened to use executive power in HIS State of Disunion address, claiming he was eager to work with Congress but willing to go it alone. “See you in court,” said the GOP. Congresswoman Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Wash.) delivered an assured performance Tuesday night as she contrasted Obama’s State of the Disunion address with the GOP’s “hopeful” vision for the nation. Senator Mike Lee (R-Utah) took on Obama’s recent focus on income inequality in his TEA Party response, seeking to lay out a positive Conservative agenda for “those Americans who may feel they have been forgotten by both political parties.” Senator Rand Paul (R-Ky.) pitched a libertarian vision for the nation in his rebuttal. But Army Ranger Sergeant Cory Remsburg stole Obama’s thunder bringing the entire House chamber to its feet.
Our Sharonville Snitch says he watched the State Of The Dis-Union speech on NBC Tuesday night. It was appropriately ironic that the preceding show was: “The Biggest Loser.
[READ MORE HERE]
- FRIDAY, in our “Just Another Guest Column E-dition, The Blower explained, “But It’s Still the Same Old BS!”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other long-time William Taylor Robinson III, an eminent attorney in his own right. WT3 doesn’t get as much publicity as the likes of Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters, $tan Che$ley, and that Litigious Lawyer from COAST, Chris Finney receive every day, but our Long-time Whistleblower Person of Consequence used to be president of the American Bar Association, and they don’t let just anybody do that.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting distinguished members of the legal profession, has selected our Goetta Gourmet to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
[READ MORE HERE]
- SATURDAY in our Special “Liberals Favorite Month” E-dition, The Blower said, “Are you feeling guilty yet?”
Happy Black History Month, Everybody!
Today we begin with the first of 687 profiles in our continuing racial-healing series about local Caucasian residents who just happen to be named “Black”:
Samuel P. Black grew up in Norwood. As an ordinary young white man, he dropped out of junior high at the age of 14 to go to work during the depression. He served without distinction as a PFC in WWII, came back home, married the girl next door, and rented a house in an all-white neighborhood in Bellevue, Kentucky.
Black raised three children, none of whom was ever arrested. He worked at night and on weekends at a pony keg to make ends meet.
After he retired, he became a crossing guard at the local elementary school. Sometimes he just sat on the porch and waved at cars.
“Sam was a good man,” said a neighbor who vaguely remembered him. “He always kept his yard real nice.”
Tomorrow’s Black History Month Racial Healing Profile: TLPMB Mean Jean Schmidt’s eviler twin sister Jennifer Black.
Our Quote for Today comes from British-American financial journalist and author Peter Brimelow, who said, “The modern definition of a ‘racist’ is someone who is winning an argument with a liberal.”
[READ MORE HERE]
- SATURDAY in our Annual “Chinese New Year” E-dition, The Blower said, “We’re partying like it’s still 4711!
Happy Chinese New Year, Everybody!
Oriental Observer One Lo Ball says yesterday began the “Year of the Horse” and after Obama’s re-election in November 2012, Conservatives are still acknowledging that a Divided America will have to kowtow to the Chinese for at least 1,084 more days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
Last year was the “Year of the Snake,” and Conservatives couldn’t suck the poison of ObamaCare fast enough.
The year before that, it was the “Year of the Dragon,” and Real Republicans still haven’t gotten over the fact that Saint Mitt didn’t slay the Dragon on that November 6.
The year before was the “Year of the Rabbit” with more comparisons between Obama and Jimmy Carter (remember that “Killer Rabbit?”)
The year before was the “Year of the Tiger,” which had to be held up until our disgraced golf star Tiger Woods got out of sex rehab.
[READ MORE HERE]
Only Two More Obama SOTU Speeches to Go!
This week, everybody thought it was really a coincidence when Turner Classic Movies showed “The Manchurian Candidate” the night after Obama’s “State of Disunion Address,” e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Freddie Factchecker, who said just like any of the hundreds of speeches Obama’s given since he’s been in office, the biggest problem was trying to distinguish Obama’s factual errors from his bold face lies, like when he said all that new free stuff he was planning to give all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters won’t cost a dime. No Kidding
Freddie wins a DVD of all of Obama’s Greatest Speeches, his name painted on the side of one of Obama’s Killer Drones, and a guest shot as an expert on the Liberal TV Talk Show of his choice. His winning limerick is:
This year’s State of Dis-Union Address
Obama will have to confess
He tries to give hope
But he’s only a dope
And the country is in a big mess.
And from our Anderson Laureate, whose poetic license has been renewed for another week:
This year’s state of disunion address
Was more of the usual B.S.
When shove comes to push
He’ll blame the bad things on Bush
And he’ll whistle when his words end in “S.”
Obama’s goes on about “sequester”
And he’s as stupid as poor Uncle Fester
The truth is we’re in a mess
He’s ruining the U.S.
As a president, he’d make a good court jester.
Though he acts like a socialist nut
His sycophants will still kiss his butt
They probably all hope
He’ll be the next Pope
So he can put more of the world in a rut.
More Weekend Political Insight This Weekend
FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: Down at The Fishwrap, Metro Mole says all those members of the Cincinnati Chapter of Unprofessional Journalists were really snickering about the way some Fishwrappers actually seemed surprised when Dispirited DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioner Odd Todd Portune cut and ran from actually running against the endorsed Doofus DemocRAT Gubernatorial Candidate Ed Fitzgerald in the May 6 Primary, only 93 days from now. Did anybody think Odd Todd was really going to run? But just look at all the news coverage he got on his phony baloney gubernatorial campaign scam last month? Which kind of fish were the Fishwrappers wrapping last month? The Blower would guess “Suckerfish.”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1887 the first Groundhog Day featured a rodent meteorologist predicting the weather at Gobbler’s Knob in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.- THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Bill Vaughn’s: “The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.”
- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says only 62% of American Adults plan on watching Super Bowl XLVIII this Sunday featuring the Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks.
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked David Letterman’s “When Sunday’s Super Bowl is finished, it will be followed by the Republican rebuttal.”
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” No. 256 says to Define multiculturalism as a State-sanctioned grievance industry that stokes division and resentment, while always under the delusion that it is doing something positive called “celebrating diversity.”- MORE POLITICS UNUSUAL: The latest Campaign Finance Reports are finally published, and in the fourth quarter, “Mean Jean” Schmidt raised almost as much for her campaign to return to politics as her legal defense fund raised in an entire year to pay off those Murdering Muslims.
In a related item, Angry Andersonians are still complaining about what a crappy job those guys did trying to removed Outcast COAST Attorney Chris Finney’s name from his old office building on Beechmont Avenue. Here’s a video of the last renovation job done by those guys Stagnaro, Saba, and Patterson hired.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (THE ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN): This poem appears in his “Sentimental Poems of the Day,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
No Girl Jumping Out of a Cake Again This Year
I just had a birthday.
Now I’m a golden oldie.
My body is all worn out.
And is getting kind of moldy.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “TRUTH—THE BEST DEFENSE,” We heard what happened when Muck Raker, political columnist for the Patronage County Innuendo, testified as an expert witness at $10 million libel suit against the National Enquirer. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on March 25, 1981.
THIS WEEK’S SEEDIEST KID OF ALL was “SCHNOZZY HEIMLICH,” a balding little six-year-old boy who always dreamed of being a part-time legal commentator on TV, just like his hero Mike Allen.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY position on Free Stuff: will be wondering if House Republicans will decide to give away as much Free Stuff to Illegal Immigrants as the Disingenuous DemocRATS when they hear from legendary college football coach Lou Holtz, GOP message maven Frank Luntz, conservative journalists, pollsters, and education experts at their annual retreat in Maryland this weekend.
THIS WEEK AT A MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were again asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he thought about Obama’s State of Disunion Address on Tuesday.
“It was Obama’s same old BS, just like you’ve seen every year during his same old State of Disunion Address,” Kane explained. “I’m really disappointed Republicans in Congress didn’t boycott Obama’s Silly Speech “to give the American people a choice between liberty and tyranny.” So much for the power of Conservative Radio Talk Show Host Mark Levin to influence RINOs in Congress. John Boehner, Bitch McConnell, and all those other tax-and-spenders don’t have that kind of courage. They were all afraid of being attacked by Obama’s Supporters in the Press.”
The best part was when called for “a year of action,” unlike the previous five years which have been periods of miserable failure to say the very least.
-
THIS WEEK AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
Monday (February 3) we’ll still be watching the Post Game Show from Super Bowl XLVIII, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 1,083 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
Tuesday (February 4) we’ll be watching to see if the Stock Market plummets even further during the current Obama Recovery.
Wednesday, (February 5) we’ll be waiting till the 4 PM filing to see if any TEA Party candidates are really planning to challenge RINO incumbents in the May 6 Republican primary elections.
Thursday (February 6) we’ll be celebrating Ronald Reagan’s 103rd Birthday and we’ll spin one for the Gipper.
The first line of Friday’s (February 7) limerick is: “When the Auditor jacks up your taxes.”
And Saturday (February 8), the Northeast Hamilton County Republican Club will be going gay when Senator Rob “Fighting for Fagellas” Portman shows up to be the keynote speaker for the eighteenth time.
The Libtard Show With Dixon Diaz
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
People React To The SOTU…Before It Happened
(Sent in by Brian Shrive)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
