Just Another “Guest Column” E-dition

Friday, January 31, 2014 

Suspension Hyertension

          image005This week in Northern Kentucky, that Cabal of NoKY Lawyers Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) said it really warmed the cockles of their hearts to learn the Ohio Supreme Court had suspended “Crazy Eric” for 60 days in Ohio for the same actions that resulted in his suspension last year in Kentucky.

 But when Crazy Eric asked the Ohio Supreme Court to let him go start serving his reciprocal suspension, do you think he anticipated that little clause that said his Ohio suspension won’t be lifted “till he’s reinstated in Kentucky?!”  After all, Kentucky’s suspension has lasted far longer than 60 days with no end in sight and Billy Bob the Bluegrass Bailiff says rumor ’round the courthouse is the Bluegrass Bar Association is fighting to make sure Deters is never ever reinstated… so could this mean we’ve seen the last of the loudmouth as an attorney?!  The Cabal…. certainly hopes so!

How bad are things for “Crazy Eric” these days, things are so bad that even Ken Lawson and $tan Che$ley won’t return his phone calls, and he can no longer depend on steady income from busing tables at the Drawbridge Inn. Hurley the Historian says ever since ACLU Mouthpiece Scott Greenwood and the Whistleblower Legal Dream Team depantsed “Crazy Eric” in Hamilton County when he was stupid enough to sue Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane for libel, things just haven’t been the same.

Maybe that’s why Our Quote for Today Committee chose George Carlin’s “If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, and musicians denoted?”

Yesterday, one of our Caballeros suggested that we should try to cheer up “Crazy Eric” today by letting him be our Guest Editor, but that nutty notion was quickly rejected because of our Beloved Whistleblower Motto, and our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders said we should only give this week’s Guest Editorship to a Northern Kentucky Attorney who still had a law license.

  Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

image008Why, it’s none other long-time William Taylor Robinson III, an eminent attorney in his own right. WT3 doesn’t get as much publicity as the likes of Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters, $tan Che$ley, and that Litigious Lawyer from COAST, Chris Finney receive every day, but our Long-time Whistleblower Person of Consequence used to be president of the American Bar Association, and they don’t let just anybody do that.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting distinguished members of the legal profession, has selected our Goetta Gourmet to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.   

  • “THE MEANING OF WORDS” by Our Cunning Linguist Tino Delgato

image010“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that love using words in rather unique ways, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”  A competition to see who can come up with the best one is held every year. This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.

  • When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
  • A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  • When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
  • The batteries were given out free of charge.
  • A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
  • A will is a dead giveaway.
  • With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
  • A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  • When you’ve seen one shopping Center you’ve seen a mall.
  • Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  • Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  • A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  • When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
  • And the cream of the wretched crop: Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end. 
  • “G-UNCONTROL UPDATE” by Billy Bob Carbine, Bluegrass Rifle Association Spokesman

image012You may have read about the Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By Southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would be called “mentally unstable.” Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:

In Arizona, he’d be called “an avid gun collector.”
In Arkansas, he’d be called “a novice gun collector.”
In Utah, he’d be called “moderately well prepared,” but they’d probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.
In Kansas, he’d be “A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend.”
In Montana and Wyoming, he’d be called “The neighborhood ‘Go-To’ guy.”
In Alabama, he’d be called “a likely gubernatorial candidate.”
In Georgia, he’d be called “an eligible bachelor.”
In North Carolina, Mississippi, and South Carolina he would be called “a deer hunting buddy.”
And in Texas he’d be just “Bubba, who’s a little short on ammo…”

  • “DIVORCE AGREEMENT” by a College Student

image015Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is our separation agreement:

  • Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
  • We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
  • You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
  • Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
  • We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
  • You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
  • We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
  • You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
  • We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks.
  • We’ll keep Bill O’Reilly, and Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
  • You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
  • You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
  • We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
  • You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
  • We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
  • You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
  • We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”
  • I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine,” “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing,” “Kum Ba Ya,” or “We Are the World.”
  • We’ll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
  • Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.
  • Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Hanoi Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

Forward This Every Time You Get It ! Let’s Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It Will Start Sinking In!!

  • AND A QUICKIE by our Good Friend Bobby Leach

image016My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered. I then said, “Is that your final answer?”

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.” So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.” And that’s how the fight started….

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.

More Conservative Political Cartoons

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Stories We’re Working On

  • image019 Your Hamilton County Property Taxes Are Due Before Midnight
  •  And Today is Chinese New Year’s Day Too
  • Tomorrow Begins Another Black History Month
  • Sunday Morning, Punxsutawney Phil Will Make His Annual Appearance
  • Sunday Night, It’ll Be Time for Super Bowl XLVIII 
  • Next Thursday is Reagan’s Birthday
  • And On That Day, The Fishwrap Will Expand Its Diversity Coverage

Whistleblower Web Poll

image021This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said House Speaker will cave in on first:
(A) Raising the Debt Ceiling: 2%
(B) ObamaCare: 1%
(C) Amnesty For Illegal Immigrants: 3%
(D) Whatever Obama Wants: 94%

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest

Weather-guessers on TV

image024This week, everybody who thinks Groundhog Day proves just how easily fat TV weathermen who grope fellow employees can be replaced by furry rodents, twittered an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is our own Linda Libel, since Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane took our longtime Whistleblower gossip columnist to that Groundhog Day party where she first met her husband (who won the Groundhog Lookalike Contest, and in all those years since, Linda still hasn’t forgiven us.)

Linda wins a “Got Beaver?” T-shirt, a recipe for delicious Groundhog Stew, and an x-rated video depicting the mating habits of over-sexed Groundhogs. Her winning entry is:

At our Groundhog’s Day party this year
We’ll be filled with the usual fear:
Will the blizzards continue,
Or are warm days on the menu?
Aw, who cares! Let’s just stock up on beer!

At our Groundhog’s Day Party this year
For Republicans we’ll all shed a tear.
Last year’s election was a bummer
‘Cause voters just got dumber
Maybe someday we’ll have something to cheer.

At our Groundhog’s Day Party this year
Eric “Call Me Crazy” did not appear.
He was up burning the old midnight oil
Hoping another judicial ass-whupping to foil,
Not to mention that large boot up his rear.

And from our Anderson Laureate, who says “That’s good groundhog”:

At our Groundhog Day party this year,
We’re serving plenty of beer
We’ll keep the hog from his bunk
By getting him good and drunk
And Spring will be wonderfully near.

If he sees his shadow, we’ll stay cold
For another six weeks, I’ve been told
So keep the sun hidden,
You must, I’m not kiddin’
I hate winter because I’m so old.

Let’s hope that it stays nice and dim
And the sun stays far away from him
‘Cause then Spring will come
And the cold won’t keep us numb,
Six more weeks of winter is too grim!

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When The Auditor Jacks Up Your Taxes.”

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT HOT LINE

e-mail your outlines for plans today.

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Some illegal immigration items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally illegal immigration subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 

Whistleblower Link of the Day 

George Carlin – Euphemisms

(Sent in by Joe Wessels)

   image022Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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