Wednesday, January 29, 2014
It Was So Cold…
Timing is everything in comedy, so if you were ever going to tell your best “It was so cold” joke, yesterday would’ve been a pretty good day to tell it.
That of course includes all those folks who can’t start a conversation without first giving you a weather report. How many times did somebody ask you if it was cold enough for you yesterday? Not too many, we would imagine.
- It was “so cold” yesterday for a lot of people. Late night hosts ganged up on the weather. Folks on Facebook tried to pretend they had a sense of humor about it, too. Even some people in the news media tried to get in on the game. Meanwhile, some of our favorite folks thought it was so cold, too:
Obama said, “It was so cold, Republicans in Congress clapped to keep warm during my State of Disunion Speech.” Republicans in Congress who didn’t have the courage to boycott that speech said, “It was so cold, we thought we felt our spines stiffen.” But that was only a momentary twinge, because they were all in their places with bright shiny faces Tuesday night. Schools were closed yesterday for another day of record Global Warming. WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham says he hasn’t seen weather this cold since he was a draft dodger in Saskatchewan. Steve Chabothead said, “It was so cold yesterday I wore a warm wombat on my head and nobody even complained.” And Our Good Friend Bobby Leach says all those women never believed me when I blamed the size on my penis on the cold weather.
Hurley the Historian says on this day in 1834, Andrew Jackson became the first president to use federal troops against his own people, and many people are wondering how long it will be before Obama does the same thing.
- Hillary is getting a really cold reception after she said those Benghazi attacks were her “biggest regret” as Secretary of State.
But our Conservative Crusader asks, “What was the regret?” Hillary’s cover story was so pathetic. Her miserable apology video to the Middle East was the laughingstock of the region. The golfer/fundraiser-in-chief couldn’t concoct a serious diversion and you girls were left with abandoning those SEALs who could see and hear the drones overhead, who knew they were being watched by their fellow countrymen back home, who saved over 30 lives that you had abandoned to the Muslim Murderers, that it took 7 1/2 hours for those heroes to go down, disrupting your evening. (One could drive to Dulles and arrive in Europe in less time). Was her regret that there are still public servants who believe, as Reagan did, that no American should be left on the battlefield? No, Hillary’s regret was that her 40 years expertise in burying her mistakes was not so easily carried out as it once was.
Does anybody remember “It was so cold yesterday Bill Clinton slept with his own wife just to keep warm?”
TEA Party Patriots tried to keep warm yesterday by celebrating five years of victories and sending out e-mails trying to get Conservatives to fire Speaker John Boehner because of his cold feet.- Larcenous Lobbyist Chippy Gerhardt got pretty hot when he was forced to give up that $9,000-a-month payoff he was raking in by representing the City of Cincinnati in Columbus when he defied Demanding DemocRAT Mayor John Cranley and voted to move the Hamilton County Board of Elections to Mt. Airy as one of the two GOP Members of the Board.
BTW, two of the four members of the Hamilton County Board of Elections have been long-time Persons of Consequence as Whistleblower Subscribers. Can you guess which ones they are?
Speaking of which, did Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka really say, “it’s important for the majority-black House 32nd District that runs north from the riverfront through Cincinnati’s urban core to be represented by an African-American” Why not the most competent person?
Florida Republican Congressman Henry “Trey” Radel is resigning from Congress after he was caught buying cocaine in November from an undercover federal agent in Washington and spent nearly a month in a rehabilitation facility. Ever since The Blower chose the former Cincinnatian to be our Guest Editor last year in our November 22 E-dition, his career has really been in the crapper.- In Anderson Township, new Township Trustee Gerth Pappas says they’re trying to come up with a “motto” for the Township. Do you think it will be something with the word “White” in it? Caucasians in Warren County say it’s too late. “We’re already The Great White North.”
- Down at The Fishwrap, Metro Mole says everybody is staying warming getting ready to publish all that heart-warming politically correct diversity news beginning on Reagan’s Birthday. How’s that for great timing?
And did our Feckless Fishwrappers ever report that Kathy Harrell had been re-elected as FOP president. She ran unopposed for the term. How unbelievable was that! There was no opposition to a police officer found to have committed theft and perjury. No wonder she lobbied Craig to drop the penalty of dismissal from employment for a sustained finding of dishonesty – and he approved it! There was no internal investigation by the CPD and no outcry from our Nine Fine Clowns (especially those endorsed by the 1900 club – the FOP’s PAC or our current mayor. Hey everybody, let’s all go steal something!
Meanwhile in Northern Kentucky, that Cabal of NoKY Lawyers Still Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club), said it warmed the cockles of their hearts to learn the Ohio Supreme Court had just suspended “Crazy Eric” for 60 days in Ohio for the same actions that resulted in his suspension last year in Kentucky.
But when Crazy Eric asked the Ohio Supreme Court to let him go start serving his reciprocal suspension, do you think he anticipated that little clause that says his Ohio suspension won’t be lifted “till he’s reinstated in Kentucky?!” After all, Kentucky’s suspension has lasted far longer than 60 days with no end in sight and Billy Bob the Bluegrass Bailiff says rumor ’round the courthouse is the Bluegrass Bar Association is fighting to make sure Deters is never ever reinstated… so could this mean we’ve seen the last of the loudmouth as an attorney?! The Cabal…. certainly hopes so!
- How cold was it in Northern Kentucky? Phyllis on Madison was charging 20 bucks just to blow on your hands.
Finally, yesterday at a bribe lunch, a Political Insider asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the cold weather coverage on TV, and Kane said they should forget all those charts and graphs, and just show those TV reporters doing their reports outside in the sub-zero weather telling their best “It was so cold” jokes. That would be a lot more entertaining.
Maybe that’s why Our Quote for Today Committee chose William Shakespeare’s “Now is the winter of our discontent.”
But when it comes to quotes with the word “cold,” Kane said you can’t do better than “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” Who knew Kane was Sicilian?
IT’S SO COLD HOT LINE
e-mail us your frigid felicitations today.
Some really cold items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really cold killing subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
“We’ve Heard It All Before”
(Sent in by “BeanBall Jim” Bunning)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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