Sunday, January 19, 2013
The Whistleblower Week in Review
- OUR NUMBER ONE STORY THIS WEEK was when Senate Surrender Caucus Leader Bitch McConnell and House Speaker John Boehner chose politics over principles and accepted that $1.1 trillion spending bill that nobody had read.
- OUR NUMBER TWO STORY THIS WEEK was when the House and Senate rubber-stamped that $1.1 trillion tax-and-spending bill that nobody had read, but that local Congressmen (Steve Chabothead, “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, and Bluegrass Ballbuster Thomas Massie) ALL VOTED AGAINST IT!
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE STORY THIS WEEK was when Congress went home to raise money for their re-elections, like when Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor sneaked into town for a double-top-secret fundraiser on Friday at the Queen City Club for Ohio Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, where duped donors dined on their choice of a Queen City Club Sandwich or halibut with Israeli cous cous and hericot verts (which everybody knows is crappy green beans out of a can.)
- MONDAY in our Special “Free Grain Party” E-dition, The Blower explained, “How the Free Grain Party Began.”
Hurley the Historian says during the depression that followed the Civil War, many people were hungry. They all sat around starving, until one man had suffered enough. John Barleycorn finally decided to do something about it.
A latter-day Robin Hood, Barleycorn plundered the storehouses of the rich and passed out free grain to all those in need. “Help Yourself!” he told them all.
One night, some people followed his example. They also looted the storehouses of the rich. “Help Yourself!” they chanted as they filled their grain sacks.
Then, on John Barleycorn’s birthday, they celebrated at a pancake breakfast to honor the man who had taught them self-reliance. That was the first Free Grain Party.
[READ MORE HERE]
- TUESDAY in our Special “Free Grain Party Platform” E-dition, The Blower said, “It’s People Helping Themsleves!” and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” included:
Last week, our respected political scientists who measure the effectiveness of Conservative political activity finally issued their long-awaited report about why Republicans will never stand a chance at winning national elections until they come up with a winning message. —The Conservative Accountability Project (CAP)
At least they figured out Romney was right about that 47% who would never vote for him, no matter what. Those people are still dependent upon government. They believe they’re victims. They believe the government has a responsibility to care for them. They believe they’re entitled to free health care, food, free housing, and all the other free stuff they could get their hands on, including ObamaPhones. These people pay no income tax. —Obama’s Campaign Committee
Do you think they’re talking about us? —Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters
We believe government should just be eliminated so people can help themselves to what other people have, and if Republicans would only incorporate a little more of that kind of selfishness into their message, the GOP might possibly win a national election sometime in the future. —The Free Grain Party
Don’t be stupid, be a smarty. Come and join the Free Grain Party. —John Barleycorn
[READ MORE HERE]
- WEDNESDAY in our Special “No Government Shutdown” E-dition, The Blower said, “All Those Non-Essential Workers Could Keep Their Jobs!”
Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS probably won’t get to shut down the government at midnight tonight and go on TV and blame those mean-spirited Republicans for the next 293 days until the 2014 Congressional Elections because Senate Surrender Caucus Leader Bitch McConnell and House Speaker John Boehner were in full cave-in mode when they chose politics over principles and accepted that $1.1 trillion spending bill that averts the prospect of another federal government shutdown. Obviously, these Repulsive RINOs seem to like spending as much as Obama does.
[READ MORE HERE]
- THURSDAY, in our Special “Weekly Impeachment Threat” E-dition, The Blower asked, “How many does Obama have so far?
AND OBAMA’S FIFTH YEAR IN OFFICE IS ALMOST OVER: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says we don’t know about any of those “All Talk” Republicans in Congress, but now it’s about time for Ordinary Americans to start filing Articles of Impeachment against Obama, especially after he threatened to issue “Executive Orders” and “Rule by Decree” to get whatever he wants during the final 1,100 days in the Divided States of America during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term.
IN A RELATED ITEM, Hurley the Historian says on tomorrow’s date in 1998, internet gossip Matt Drudge posted a story that ultimately led to Bill Clinton’s Impeachment when he opened the most sensational scandal season in the history of the American presidency. Drudge reported that Newsweek magazine had killed a story about our Disgraced Former Pants Dropper in Chief’s sexual relationship with a former intern. The next day Drudge had her name: Monica Lewinsky, and so did The Whistleblower.
So it’s no big surprise that our Quote for Today Committee chose Slick Willie’s lie that will live in infamy: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
But today, all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters are probably wondering why Obama doesn’t use his pen to give them all Free Health Insurance.
[READ MORE HERE]
- FRIDAY, in our “Just Another Guest Column E-dition, The Blower explained, “But It’s Still the Same Old BS!”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney who’ll this time be representing the Greater Cincinnati Right to Lie Association (Protecting Unfettered Free Speech for Politicians Who Can’t Tell the Truth) in front of the U.S. Supreme Court in April.
That’s because The Blower, which takes pride in supporting a person’s right not to tell the truth if he thought it would get him in trouble), has selected our Litigious Lawyer from COAST to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
[READ MORE HERE]
- SATURDAY in our Special “For the Feminists” E-dition, The Blower had, “A Big Hand For Our Little Ladies!”
Francine the Fanatical Feminist has protested that the list in last Saturday’s e-dition catalogued only “Male Masturbation” terms, and said if The Blower really wanted to be fair-and-balanced, we would’ve provided a list of “Female Masturbation” terms as well.
Whistleblower Researcher Fearless Ferrett was all over that challenge like a muff diver on mescaline, and Straus & Troy’s Joe Braun successfully negotiated with his favorite client, Patty Brisbane at Dildo World, to sponsor this Lotta Labia Licking List.
[READ MORE HERE]
Why Saturday’s and Sunday’s Blowers Didn’t Arrive On Time
Ever since Friday afternoon, the recorded message at Time Warner Business Class had advised us (on each of the 487 times that we called) that what we have been experiencing is just another “temporary service interruption in our area.” for what reason they cannot even speculate, and as soon as all those Time Warner Business Class technicians could locate and fix the problem, The Blower could resume its normal publication schedule (or maybe we couldn’t).
Saturday, when the so-called “temporary service interruption in our area” had supposedly been fixed, the “connectivity problems” at our locations were still putting us out of business, and the earliest a Time Warner Business Class technician could arrive at out location would be sometime Monday morning between 8-11 AM.
And for what it’s worth, all those fine folks at Warner Cable Business Class still continued to say “they’re sorry.”
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More Weekend Political Insight
FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS: Down at The Fishwrap, Metro Mole says everybody’s laughing at those sob stories bemoaning the fates of two local women, who are just trying to make the world a better placed to live. Chrissie Thompson tries to get sympathy for State Rep-Tile Stevevicia Reece’s kickoff for her big push for Dead DemocRATS Voters Rights on Tuesday, and Krista Ramsey laments that idea that Disgraced Ditzy DemocRAT Tracie Hunter’s story provokes “tough questions,” while curiously omitting any mention of Race-Baiter Al Sharpton’s scheduled visit on Monday to raise money for the Tracie Hunter Legal Defense Fund. 
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1977, President Gerald R. Ford pardoned “Tokyo Rose.” And who says Republicans aren’t compassionate?- THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Ford’s “I am a Ford, not a Lincoln.”
- OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jay Leno’s “The White House announced that President Obama will visit Pope Francis in the near future. Pope Francis thinks ObamaCare can be a success. Sure, he’s the Pope. He has to believe in miracles.”
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 220 is to tell a Liberal how much you admire the lofty neutrality and commitment to truth at all costs of their house journal at the New York Times, which is now about to lay off more of its Obama-loving staffers.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL who celebrated his birthday on Friday when he wrote himself another poem, which can be seen in his “Sentimental Poems of the Day,” found in the markdown bin at better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ode on My 83rd Birthday
It is true I am getting old
My passion is becoming less bold
I’m no longer a pup,
Now I drool in my cup
And my pecker is covered with mold.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “SIGNS OF THE TIMES,” we found out why somebody had been tampering with signs at the courthouse. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on October 14, 1981.
THIS WEEK’S SEEDIEST KID OF ALL was “LITTLE ERIC D.”
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY position on Free Stuff: “If it’s Free, It’s for Me!”
THIS WEEK AT A MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what he expected to see at Obama’s State of Disunion Address on January 28. “More of that patented Obama BS we’ve see during his past five years in office,” Kane explained. “But what Conservatives would like to see this year is for Republicans in Congress to follow Conservative radio talk show host Mark Levin’s advice and boycott the event as a symbolic gesture “to give the American people a choice between liberty and tyranny. All those Obama Supporters in the Press would certainly attack it, and if any of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters were watching, they might even notice.”
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”
Monday (January 20) will be celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, while we’re continuing our countdown of the 1,097 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.- Tuesday (January 21) we’ll be celebrating the beginning of Obama’s sixth year in office, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers will comment on the occasion.
- Wednesday, (January 22) we hope to be celebrating if our Time Warner Business Class technician ever arrives.
- Thursday (January 23) we’ll be celebrating the Whistleblower’s Annual Countdown Day, commemorating the first time Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane employed the Countdown Device. Can you guess what it was for?
- The first line of Friday’s (January 24) limerick is: “When someone sends you a tweet.”
- And Saturday (January 25), Opposite Day 2014, when politicians say the opposite of what they really mean (just like every other day.)
The Libtard Show by Dixon Diaz
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
WHERE THE IDEA FOR OUR SUNDAY “THAT WAS THE WEEK THAT WAS” E-DITION CAME FROM
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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