One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
This Week’s Impeachable Offense
AND OBAMA’S FIFTH YEAR IN OFFICE IS ALMOST OVER: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says we don’t know about any of those “All Talk” Republicans in Congress, but now it’s about time for Ordinary Americans to start filing Articles of Impeachment against Obama, especially after he threatened to issue “Executive Orders” and “Rule by Decree” to get whatever he wants during the final 1,100 days in the Divided States of America during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term. - IN A RELATED ITEM: Hurley the Historian says on tomorrow’s date in 1998, internet gossip Matt Drudge posted a story that ultimately led to Bill Clinton’s Impeachment when he opened the most sensational scandal season in the history of the American presidency. Drudge reported that Newsweek magazine had killed a story about our Disgraced Former Pants Dropper in Chief’s sexual relationship with a former intern. The next day Drudge had her name: Monica Lewinsky, and so did The Whistleblower.
So it’s no big surprise that our Quote for Today Committee chose Slick Willie’s lie that will live in infamy: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
But today, all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters are probably wondering why Obama doesn’t use his pen to give them all Free Health Insurance.
Word is members of the FREE Grain Party intend to propose a Constitutional Amendment for Free Health Care.
PERSONAL ROLLBACK: After reading how Hamilton County Treasurer Rob Goering forgot to put the return address on the tax bills that are due January 31, Trouble-Making Over-Taxed Payer Tino Delgato mailed his to himself. He calls it his own personal “Roll Back.” This year he will not pay property tax because he’s forming his new church: Saint Mattress on the Springs, a home for good-looking wayward women in “need,” with Reverend Tino Delgato at their “service.” Tino says if Tracie Hunter and Reverend Wright can preach “The Word,” so can he. The Words this year are “write off” and “Tax Free.”
MORE EXCLUSIVE TRACI HUNTER NEWS: Indicted Ditzy DemocRAT Hamilton County Juvie Court Judge Tracie Hunter (shown here in Tuesday’s mugshot taken at the Hamilton County Sheriff Jimmy Neil’s Injustice Center that Feckless Fishwrapper Perry KimBall couldn’t wait to post on line Wednesday) was sued by the condo association for non-payment of condo fees. Hunter now claims she did not pay because her condo was damaged by a broken pipe in another owner’s unit and the other owner or condo association is responsible for the damage since it was a common area pipe leak. Tracie claims the owner of that condo unit had a leak in his pipe which was the source of the damage. She owes the condo association over $15K (read the complaint) she also claims she was barred from meetings. And Whistleblower readers thought Judge Tracie tormented lawyers, reporters, and poor misunderstood yoofs.
The condo association has no money to get a lawyer to fight her, so they are looking for some kind soul attorney out there who will take on this “judge” and they will pay the attorney part of the award.
Meanwhile, Tracie’s supporters can hardly wait till Racial Racketeer Al Sharpton to raise money for Tracie Hunter’s Legal Defense Fund on Martin Luther King Day.
- NO CONFLICT OF INTEREST HERE: The Hamilton County Board of Elections will hold a “Special Meeting” next Tuesday to discuss the proposed relocation of the Board of Elections offices, hopefully not to any property owned by BOE Members Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss, Tim Burka, Alex T., Mall Cop GOP, Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Executive Director Caleb Faux, or Republican Bag Man Chippy Gerhardt, or anybody else who gives these clowns money.
OUTRAGEOUS IRONY: Not only does Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney represent “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman’s anti-tax COAST organization (Citizens Opposed to Additional Spending and Taxes), but Dumpy Dreihaus is also accusing Finney of representing The Greater Cincinnati Right to Lie Association (Protecting Unfettered Free Speech for Politicians Who Can’t Tell the Truth).- IN CLERMONT COUNTY: Wednesday night, the Clermont County Republican Central Committee met at the Holiday Inn Eastgate. It was the usual battle between the TEA Party and the establishment Republicans. Despite this division, everyone was expecting Ohio Republican Governor Kasich-Taylor to be the big loser at the meeting. The other sideshow involved a race between veteran State Central Committeewoman Kay Ayres and Jacki Black, the daughter of TEA Party activist Larry Heller. Most people in the room were talking about who the party intended to draft to run against Rob “Fighting for Alternative Lifestyles” Portman as the TEA Party sharpens its knives to focus on his race after butchering Kasich.
TODAY’S UNITED APPALL PERSON is beloved character actor Tor Johnson, who calls Kristen Erwin at the United Appall’s Greater Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky Film Commission every day to see if there’s a part for him in any of the movies that are supposed to be filmed locally. Kristen tells Tor about all the money they are getting from all those wonderful film premiers, all about her nice salary, and all the film stars she’s had her picture taken with. Kristen also tells Tor that she might have a nice part for him real soon, but not to call her, she will call him, but horror movies are a bit out of style these days.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says protests from Fanatical Feminists about last Saturday’s Blower that catalogued only “Male Masturbation” terms and The Blower (which prides itself on being totally fair-and-balanced), now recognizes how some people might may have falsely perceived a bit of male bias. Good News, Ladies. Our good friend Straus & Troy’s Joe Braun has successfully negotiated with his favorite client, Patty Brisbane at Dildo World to sponsor our Lotta Labia Licking List this weekend.
TODAY’S GEEZER REPORT: Friday is another fateful date for our good friend Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves. And wouldn’t you know, he wrote himself another poem, which can be found in his “Sentimental Poems of the Day,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ode on My 83rd Birthday
It is true I am getting old
My passion is becoming less bold
I’m no longer a pup,
Now I drool in my cup
And my pecker is covered with mold.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders asked Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane what happened to that government shutdown Conservatives were hoping for. Kane explained that faced with a midnight deadline on Wednesday, Bi-Partisan Tax-and-Spenders in the Senate gave their approval to a three-day spending measure to keep agencies wasting money and buy time for lawmakers to complete action on a larger $1.1 trillion over-spending measure that would last through September. The House passed its version 359-67 in two minutes flat. The Senate beat that time Wednesday night.
That means The Blower had to change its Countdown Clock in the lower right-hand corner of the web page to begin counting down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until The Whistleblower’s Annual Countdown Day, commemorating the first time Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane employed the Countdown Device. Can you guess what it was for?
Seediest Kids of All
The Little Eric D Story
As long as we can remember, The Blower has been telling you about Little Eric D, a lonely little troubled farm lad who lived in seclusion with his family in rural Boondoggle County, Kentucky, abusing and tormenting his family’s farm animals in a pitiful subconscious cry for help. No Kidding!
Little Eric D. grew up in the shadow of his family’s favorite, First Cousin Joey. As infants at family event, it was clear Joey was always the favorite. Joey was the first to be changed, the first to be fed, and last to be corrected. Little Eric’s earliest memories are of staring through the bars of his playpen with his diaper overflowing, at the other children playing and having fun.
So as Little Eric got older, the Seediest Kids of All arranged for WLW Hate Radio to offer Little Eric a part-time job where he could promote himself in lieu of a salary. Noted ACLU Attorney Scott Greenwood, Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders, and Judge Patricia Summe imparted valuable legal lessons, and Trash-Talking WLW Hate Radio Talk Show host Willie Cunningham even sold Little Eric a restaurant that would soon go out of business, all to help Little Eric achieve his lifelong dream as a WLW Hate Radio Enabled Trash-Talking Loudmouth Lawyer/ Restaurateur-Wannabe.
Unfortunately, to this day, Little Eric continues to find himself staring at everybody else having fun and never inviting him to play with them. Success for his First Cousin Joey has led to adulation and acclaim as a defender of society and civilization, but for Little Eric, growing up has meant only trying to defend the indefensible, leading to disdain among his peers and the public; sanctions, penalties, and threats of disbarment; failed political and restaurant ventures; as well as an extra large dose of the “Little Man Syndrome.”
Still, the entire Deters family is grateful to the Seediest Kids of All. But they really have you to thank, because it’s your guilt throughout the year which made it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our January fund-raising drive by the Diabetes Society and their new spokeswoman Paula Dean.
OBAMA IMPEACHMENT HOT LINE
e-mail us your Angry Articles today.
Some unimpeachably offensive items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally unimpeachably offensive subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Jimmy Kimmel Savages ObamaCare And Uninformed Young People
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