Saturday, January 4, 2014
What a Difference a Year Makes
Think of how much things have changed since the first Saturday in 2013. It was our Special “She’s Finally Gone” E-dition and The Ohio Second District Conservative Chorus was singing “Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead.”- That Thursday evening at the Conservative Agenda, there had been sort of a celebration on the final day of That Lame-Duck, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-In-A-Ditch Mean Jean Schmidt’s time in Congress. The Blower had only been on Mean Jean’s case almost daily since 2005.
- In 2006, The Blower had accurately predicted The Whistleblower’s nickname for “Mean Jean” Schmidt would be used on at least 48,311 occasions by the New York Times and others in the national press, as That Lying Plagiarizing Bitch became the most embarrassing elected official in Southwestern Ohio history (including Jerry Springer), flushing Rob “Fighting for Family Fortunes” Portman’s legacy totally down the crapper for having chosen “Mean Jean” to succeed him. Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception captured that fateful moment.
At the Conservative Agenda Celebration, every one of “Mean Jean’s” transgressions was mentioned, which is probably why that celebration lasted so long. Low-lights included: Non-Partisan Ethics Watchdog naming “Mean Jean” one of the most corrupt members of Congress and “Mean Jean’s” failure to disclose nearly $500,000 of illegal gifts over three years. No wonder she was one of only a handful of Members of Congress with legal expense funds.
Who will ever forget that time Rachel Dratch ridiculed “Mean Jean” on “Saturday Night Live?”- Who will ever forget all of “Mean Jean’s” crappy Christmas Parties?
And who will ever forget “Mean Jean” waiting all day at on the State of the Dis-Union Speeches to plant a big wet one on Obama?- Other “Mean Jean” dishonorable mentions included when she was caught calling attendees at the 1984 Republican Convention “Young Hitlers,” caught lying about her endorsements, caught lying about her education for years, and caught plagiarizing op-eds twice.
- “Mean Jean” claimed to be for the death penalty and against the death penalty while speaking to different groups during the same election campaign.
Some of “Mean Jean’s” so-called Conservative votes during her terms in the Ohio House and U.S. Congress included sponsoring a bill that increased taxes on hotels in Hamilton County, voting multiple times to require union wages on federal projects, voting to raise gasoline taxes, voting to raise sales taxes, and voting to raise the federal debt ceiling by $2.8 Trillion. “Mean Jean” also voted for TARP (her husband Peter’s firm only got $50 Billion from that bailout!)- “Mean Jean” would’ve no doubt voted for John Boehner to remain as Speaker of the House on Thursday, had she still been in office after the 113th Congress had been sworn in. Not to worry, as our Anderson Tea Party Patriots point out, “Mean Jean’s” replacement cast his first ballot in Congress exactly the way Speaker Boehner had told him to vote. [READ MORE HERE]
- The Blower could hardly wait to read The Fishwrap’s swan song suck-up piece for the woman whose sins they tried to cover-up over the years, especially with their hit pieces against each of Mean Jean’s opponents, right before the elections. Remember when Feckless Fishwrapper Skaggie Maggie’s Hawaiian Hit Woman Maya Ruin (who flew in for “Mean Jean’s” daughter Emily’s wedding to one of the LaRosas) did her $tan Che$ley/ Bill Cunningham hatchet job on Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen to help keep Mean Jean Schmidt in office?
- Something The Fishwrap forgot to report was when $tan bought the entire Hamilton County Republican Party at that infamous fund-raiser at his Indian Hill for Mean Jean, while at the same time, helping turn Hamilton County Blue.
Finally, one of our Political Insiders had asked Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if The Blower would be taking it easy on “Mean Jean,” now that she was out of office.
Kane responded by leading the group with the Whistleblower Motto. Let’s all say it together: “Because wherever there’s corruption, we’ll be there. Wherever there’s injustice, we’ll be there. And wherever there’s a bunch of big guys beating up on a little guy, we’ll be there too…holding the little guy down.” And that goes double for Bitches!
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Groucho Marx’s “Time wounds all heels.”
These days, The Blower is waiting to hear more details about “Mean Jean’s” return to politics that she casually mentioned at last month’s Christmas Party. Maybe we’ll hear more at Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Secret Surprise Birthday Party on Tuesday. No doubt “Mean Jean’s” Former News Flack Barrett Brunsman, now plying his trade with the Business Crapper, mistakenly believes he has the inside track on that story. Until then, Wonder Boy will just have to content himself waging journalistic jihad against another “Mean Jean” nemesis, COAST Attorney Chris Finney, who’s no longer with the firm that once proudly bore his name. (Law firm rebrands upon departure of COAST’s Chris Finney)
Of course, J. Barrett could always try to do a little real reporting, and follow the lead of the guys at Third Base Politics who have already dug up the fact that Ohio RINO Governor Kasich-Taylor’s Clermont County TEA Party Challenger Ted Stevenot didn’t seem to learn anything from Doomed DemocRAT Ed Fitzgerald’s complete meltdown when he stupidly chose Tax Scofflaw Eric Kearney to share his ticket, because it now appears Stevenot’s running mate owes thousands in state back taxes, and passed bad checks.
“So Now You Know” by James Jay Schifrin
At last, we now know where we stand. The tension and uncertainty have passed.
For weeks, the public has been gripped by the agony of not knowing. Finally, we can all breathe a sigh of relief.
Americans have always been optimistic. Crisis has always brought us closer together, to foster a feeling of solidarity. Now everywhere you go, you can’t help notice our pride.
Until now, the speculation has been endless. Study groups have been appointed. Think tanks and computers have advised us about the probabilities and our strategic options.
We’ve seen high-level press conferences and briefings, commentary, updates, and special reports, along with analysis by anchorpersons, informed opinions from insider sources, and film to document the hostilities direct from the scenes.
We’ve been bombarded by headlines from far-off places, names of which most of us will never be able to spell or pronounce, let alone ever visit. People whose destinies are no longer in their own hands have become as familiar as members of our own families.
The outcome of these world-shaking events is still anybody’s guess, but in these troubled times, we can at least be consoled that we now have a better idea of what we’re up against.
All of the “wild card” teams have been selected, and the Bengals will enjoy the “home field advantage” as long as they’re in the playoffs.
This op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 23, 1981.
More Conservative Political Cartoons
LAST YEAR’S “SAY GOODBYE TO MEAN JEAN” HOT LINE
e-mail your fond farewells today
Some gloating items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally gloating subscribers.
LAST YEAR’S WHISTLEBLOWER LINK OF THE DAY
Rock the Boat – Retire Jean Schmidt on March 6th – Republican Primary
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