MONDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2013
Top Ten List
Today it’s the Top Ten Ways you know it’s about time for 2013 to be over:
10. Obama is enjoying yet another $4 Million over-taxed payer funded family Hawaiian Holiday vacation (with borrowed money), it’s been the worst year (so far) of Obama’s presidency and Obama’s approval keeps hitting new lows, as the DemocRAT National Committee begins fund-raising over the possibility of Obama’s being impeached. Meanwhile, despite the fact that the ObamaCare Disaster is the gift that keeps on giving to Republicans, Republican Minority Leader Bitch McConnell and GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner appear ready to cave in to Obama and Disingenuous DemocRATS at every opportunity.
9. The nation has reached its $17.265 Trillion Debt Level with no end in sight.
8. People watching reality shows about rednecks were actually surprised when one of the rednecks said something a redneck would say and Members of GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) were upset when their Politically Correct Temper Tantrum turned out to be a bigger bust than last year’s Chick-Fil-A boycott.
7. The Trolley Folly boondoggle was back on track, after a temporary lapse of fiscal sanity at City Hall was eclipsed by Dishonest DemocRATS on the Streetcar Six determined to make Cincinnati the worst run City in America.
6. Hamilton County Commissioner Odd Todd Opportune was finally ready to announce if he’ll challenge Dysfunctional DemocRAT gubernatorial candidate Ed FitzGerald in a primary.
5. Anderson Trustee Gerth Pappas was all set to move into Disgraced-and-Defeated Masturbating Former Anderson Trustee Kevin P. O’Brien’s thoroughly fumigated office at the Anderson Government Center.
4. Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney’s soon-to-be-former law partners were all set to tear COAST’s litigious lawyer’s name off both buildings, the one in Anderson and the one in Hyde Park.
3. Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters’ suspension in Kentucky was supposed to be over in mid-November, but for some strange reason, the Kentucky Bar Association has not yet seen fit to reinstate him.
2. Politicians’ last-minute e-mails reminded you that you only had a few more hours to send in your 2013 contributions before the end of the year.
…and the Number One Way you know it’s about time for 2013 to be over is… Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane had just finished this year’s list of his political predictions that came true, so Tuesday night, it’ll be time for the Whistleblower New Year’s Eve Party to begin.
Another Empathy Statement
As the Old Year comes to an end, The Blower would like to cease and desist from our customary daily political bashing to offer our empathy for all those affected by misfortunes and disasters during the past year. To be hit so hard by circumstances beyond your control is often too much for many people to bear. Who’ll ever forget the wretched sobs of those poor souls bemoaning the loss of their Health Insurance because of ObamaCare? But enough about all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama supporters already!
Our First Prediction for 2014
Tired of reading what to expect for the New Year?
Unimpressed by crystal-ball forecasts and psychic predictions?
Couldn’t care less about whose ugly baby was born first?
Bored by lame lists of “who’s in” and “who’s out?”
Turned off by self-righteous editorials dictating resolutions for everyone else to keep?
Repulsed by repetitious recaps of celebrities who died last year and fresh faces for the year ahead?
Unable to invest in all those sure-fire year-end stock market tips?
Sick of suggestions by the same pretentious Tri-staters on how to handle the same issues and challenges in 2014 that they screwed up in 2013?
In short, are you over-dosed on all that silly end-of-the-year media hype that serves no purpose except to take up space?
You are? What a freaking coincidence! We asked the Magic Eight Ball, and it predicted you’d say “Yes.”
Ode to the New Year
Oh, the New Year’s a’comin’,
It don’t look so hot.
Yes, the New Year’s a’comin’.
Unfortunately I’m not.
From “The Best Loved Poems in the World” by Bunky Tadwell, The Bard of Cleves
Now here’s a picture of Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane giving away free copies of The Blower to some of the less fortunate members of the community during the holidays.
Bluegrass Bacchanalia
At last year’s New Year’s Eve party, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo found out three things that were difficult for Michael “Liquid” Plummer to say after he’d had too much to drink at Miss Vicki’s New Year’s Eve party: “Indubitably,” “Preliminary,” and “Nuclear Proliferation.”
A little later, CamBoo found out three more things that are very difficult to say when you’ve had too much to drink: “Specificity,” “Transubstantiate,” and of course, “Antidisestablishmentarianism.”
But by the end of the evening, CamBoozler discovered three things that are downright impossible to say when you’re drunk: “Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex”; “Nope, no more booze for me”; and “Oh, no, I just couldn’t. No one really wants to hear me sing.”
Whistleblower Web Poll
Today, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they’d like to celebrate New Year’s Eve tonight:
(A) Drinking crappy champagne: 2%
(B) Breaking New Year’s resolutions: 1%
(C) Watching the ball drop on TV: 3%
(D) Having hot sex: 94%
Playtime for Philanderers
This week, everybody who chose “Option (D)” on this week’s Web Poll above e-mailed entries to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is our Foreclosed Four-Flushing Philanderer, who says there’s nothing special about New Year’s Eve; it’s is just another opportunity to hit on other guys’ wives.
Our Foreclosed Four-Flusher wins a list of 1,000 married women who like to boink, a list of 1,001 excuses for when he comes home late, a two-hour matinee in the Airport Holiday Inn’s “Cheat Suite” and once again, his name in The Whistleblower. His winning entry is:
This year my New Year’s celebration,
Could be marred by a big complication.
If I start in too early,
With a married lady named Shirley,
The result could be premature ejaculation.
Now Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us a picture of some of the people who wish they could crash Tuesday night’s invitation-only Whistleblower New Year’s Eve Party. Can you identify who they are?
END-OF-THE-YEAR HOT LINE
e-mail your insight and analysis today.
Some almost over items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally almost over subscribers.
Links of the Day
Jim Carrey’s Happy New Year
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
