Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Christmas Top Ten List
Today, it’s the top ten reasons today will be the most phony baloney Christmas during the Dark Ages in the Divided States of America of Obama’s Second Term:
10. The Obama Administration Extended The Deadline For Signing Up For Health Care Coverage For One Whole Day. Whoop de Do!
9. Obama Tried To Sign Up For ObamaCare Using Exchange Website But System Didn’t Recognize Him
8. A Plurality of Americans Say Obamacare Is Obama’s Biggest Failure
7. Gallup Says Obama’s Approval Rating Falls To 40%
6. Obama Was Back On The Golf Course For the 153rd Time of His Presidency
5. Obama Exempts His Family From Having To Enroll In ObamaCare
4. White House Aide Had To Enroll Obama In Obamacare Because He Was Too Busy Vacationing In Hawaii
3. ObamaCare Approval Rating Plummets To Record Low of 35%
2. White House Admits There’s No “Plan B” If ObamaCare Fails
…and the Number One Reason today will be the most phony baloney Christmas during the Dark Ages in the Divided States of America throughout Obama’s Second Term is… 146,189 of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama supporters are busy signing a Holiday Card for Obama.
Speaking of that offensive Obama Holiday Card, Our Good Friend Tom in Pennsylvania says “The Blower had asked why there was no mention of Christmas. OK, I can see no mention of Christmas. I imagine many, many of these were sent, to people of many faiths. And I can see Barry’s full signature, the “O” with the line through it is sort of a logo. But what I can’t figure out, why the hell did Michelle sign with her last name? The kids didn’t, they were smart enough to figure out that the reader would know who they are. Would they wonder, Michelle who? MICHELLE KWAN, Olympic figure skater? MICHELLE PFEIFFER, actress?”- And do you remember Ann Coulter’s “Scrooge Was a Liberal” column? Ann wrote: “It’s the Christmas season, so godless liberals are citing the Bible to demand the redistribution of income by government force. Didn’t Jesus say, ‘Blessed are the Health and Human Services BureaucRATS, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven?’
- Now let’s look at Christmas in Washington, where every day is Christmas as long as Congress is spending other Over-Taxed Payers’ money.
DUCK DYNASTY CHRISTMAS UPDATE
The Whores at A&E are Celebrating Christmas With a Duck Dynasty Super Marathon.
Back in Cincinnati
Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us Cincinnati Mayor John Cranley coming with David Mann’s Christmas present still stuck in his back.
And when Conservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin complained about the worst political betrayal in Cincinnati History after the Streetcar Six on Cincinnati City Clown-cil knifed Mayor Cranley and the voters in the back by voting to continue to waste many millions of over-taxed payers’ dollars on the Trolley Folly, somebody in the Flynn-Flam Man’s office e-mailed the Curmudgeon a boilerplate bullshit response. Curmudgeon now says the City faces the very real possibility of spending at least $150 million — probably more like $165 million — for 3.6 miles of track and equipment and graft and STILL have nothing to show for it. Curmudgeon wonders what the rubber-tired light-rail-equivalent running in Cleveland between Public Square and University Circle on Euclid Avenue cost them. At least THEY have something to show for their expenditure.
One thing’s for sure, with those six Dysfunctional DemocRATS running the City for the next four years, all of those Clueless Cincinnatians Voters (and Soreheads in the Suburbs who are being taxed without representation by having Cincinnati Earnings Taxes confiscated and still don’t get a chance to vote) now have exactly the kind of tax-and-spend government they truly deserve. We’ll all be paying more taxes and higher fees, and like all of us honest, hard-working guys, even jolly old St. Nick is worried these days about having his property taxes jacked up by our Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor after a surprise inspection.
“Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas”
For those of you planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman, Outcast COAST Attorney Chris Finney, and Congressional Podiatrist “Doctor Brad” Wenstrup at Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Christmas Party at the Schmidt Run Estates at 771 Wards Corner Road on Christmas Day, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman plans to announce her return to politics, let’s all get in the mood by singing the eleventh verse of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by RINO Hunters of America, who’ll be campaigning for Ohio’s Second Congressional District to be one of RINO-free in 2014. It goes something like this:
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
Eleven RINOs charging
Ten Taxes Raising,
Nine Bills a Spending,
Eight Dems a Booing,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
How do you like having your chestnuts roasted over an open fire, Portman?
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said you would know Jesus was Jewish:
(A) He was 30, unmarried, and still living at home: 2%
(B) He went into his father’s business: 2%
(C) He thought his mother was a virgin: 2%
(D) His mother thought he was God: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Bluegrass Bawlers
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says being Santa Claus isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. On top of everything else, this lil’ shit pissed on Santa’s lap.- The CamBoozler says he’s going to have to be a bit more careful with his language and dealing with his frustration with local politicians and Bluegrass BureaucRATS while reading The Blower when the grandkids are around. It seems that Ken took his seven year old grandson to the Florence Mall to see Santa and when Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas, he said, “I wanna watch,” just The Blower reported like Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson told his lesbian neighbors.
- In a related story, due to protests by the Gay Lesbian Bisexual & Transgender Coalition, Flashlight Theater has removed “Father Time Takes On Uranus” from its New Year’s Eve Marathon.
- Returning from the shopping center on Christmas Eve, Ken CamBoo witnessed at a traffic accident. “Are you sure the driver of the car with an Obama bumper sticker was at fault?” the officer asked.
“Yes, officer—I’m sure,” The Camboozler said.
“Didn’t you see anything that would mitigate the driver’s responsibility?”
“No, Officer,” replied the Camboozler. “All I saw was the Obama bumper sticker.”
- How worried is Bitch McConnell about Matt Bevin’s 2014 primary challenge? Not much, apparently according to McConnell’s “Twas The Night Before Christmas” Ad published on Monday.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous donation during our December fund-raising drive from the Scrooge & Marley Counting House.
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane suffers yet another picture being taken with an unidentified freeloader who showed up at a holiday party begging for an autograph.
TAKING CHRIST OUT OF X-MA$ HOTLINE
e-mail your liberal blasphemies today.
Some politically incorrect items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally politically incorrect subscribers
WHISTLEBLOWER LINKS OF THE DAY
The Christmas Scale
PLUS
Drunk Santa
Merry Christmas, Bitch!
A Doggy Christmas Surprise
Bobby Leach’s All Time Favorite Christmas Song
White Trash Christmas
If Ten Percent is Good Enough for Jesus
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
