Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

Hey, everybody—didn’t you all realize yesterday was the deadline for people to sign up for ObamaCare that begins January 1? —Silly Sebelius
Just because I keep caving in to Obama and the DemocRATS doesn’t mean I should be replaced as Republican Speaker of the House. —John Boehner
It’s a good thing George Washington didn’t wimp out like Boehner when it came to crossing the Delaware in an ice storm on Christmas night in 1776. —Hurley the Historian
Conservatism, in my humble opinion, did not lose the 2012 Election. People are not going to vote against Santa Claus, especially if the alternative is being your own Santa Claus. —Rush Limbaugh
Please don’t criticize the president’s $4 Million over-taxed payer funded (with borrowed money) family holiday vacation in Hawaii. Just think of it as a mini Stimulus Program. —White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
Can you believe 146,189 people have already signed the Obama Family Christmas Card? —Doofus DemocRATS
All we want for Christmas is more “Free Stuff.” —All those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama supporters who will wind up with a nice tax increase on January 1, along with the rest of us during the Dark Ages in the Divided States of America during Obama’s Second Term
Fortunately because of that concussion I had in 2012, I still have no memory of Benghazi. —Hillary
Please thank Ohio DemocRATS for selecting Ed Fitzgerald and Eric Kearney as my Early Christmas gifts this year. —Ohio GOP Governor Kasich-Taylor
Please remember to send your tax-deductible contributions to the Conservative Ohio Rep-tiles and Candidates who deserve your donations by December 31. —TEA Party Patriots
Do you think A&E will run an ad for our “Duck the Halls” Christmas Album tonight on our Duck Dynasty Christmas Show? —The Robertson Family
Mentally ill people don’t kill people. Mentally ill people with guns kill people. —Gun Control Fanatics
Tax the bullets! —Disarmed DemocRATS in Congress
I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle! —Ralphie Parker
This Christmas after the latest school shootings, we’re asking Ralphie to be our spokesman. —National Rifle Association
That’s why we chose Stan Freberg’s, “Say, mothers…as sure as there’s an X in Christmas, you can be certain those are Tiny Tim Chestnuts!” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Can you believe the Bungals are actually in the playoffs this again year? —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall
Millionaire Mike Brown always has his finger on what’s good for the fans. —Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception
And if former Reds Center Fielder Shin Soo Choo would only guarantee his $130 million salary to finance operating our Trolley Folly, we could call it the Cincinnati Soo Choo. —Cincinnati City Clown-cil’s Stupid Streetcar Six
Here’s some good news. Tomorrow’s Christmas Party where I’ll be announcing my return to politics is NOT being catered by my daughter’s in-laws at LaRosa’s. —“Mean Jean” Schmidt
Stop by my office on Beechmont Avenue and pick up your FREE gift from Dr. Scholl’s for Christmas. —Congressman Brad Wenstrup, Political Podiatrist
In last week’s column titled “Another Exclusive,” we learned how sleazy politicians get impressionable female reporters to give them favorable publicity. —Your Friends in Patronage County
Does anybody remember when Artis Conception saw that front-page story in Thursday’s Fishwrap about how liberal extremists on Cincinnati Clown-cil had given me more power, and I couldn’t wait to show everybody the “Little Lap Dogs” I received as a Christmas Present. —Cincinnati’s Former Girly Mayor Mark Mallory
Does Santa really see you when you’re masturbating? —Disgraced and Defeated Anderson Township Trustee Kevin P. O’Brien
Please tell the yoofs there be only two mo’ shopliftin’ days till Kwanzaa! —Kwanzaa Klaus
Did I forget to Tweet everybody a “Happy Kwanzaa?” —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
Is Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP the gift that keeps on giving or what! —Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka
This Christmas, we all sang carols around a giant Chabothead with a Star of Dubya on top. —Real Republicans in Green Township
Jesus still loves me, even though the Ohio Supreme Court affirmed a contempt of court citation against me on Friday. —Ditzy DemocRAT Juvenile Court Judge Tracie Hunter
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible. —The Seediest Kids of All
We think we deserve more credit. —United Appall People
Last night on Christmas Eve Gift Exchange, everybody got another Lump of Coal. —Romney Supporters Anonymous in Goshen
Who turned off the Amish Christmas Lights? —Adams County Tourist Board
Yesterday at the Conservative Agenda, I explained “The Four Stages of Life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You become Santa Claus. 4) You start to look like Santa Claus. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
This year on Christmas we’ll all be annoying everybody by talking about ObamaCare. —Northern Kentucky DemocRATS
Next year if Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders and That Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Out to Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy, Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Haven’t I Been Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator” Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) plan to hold their Christmas parties at the same time and place, maybe they should look for a much bigger place. —Northern Kentucky Party Planners
Do you think The Kentucky Bar Association “just forgot” to reinstate me after my 60-day suspension was technically over? —Crazy Eric
Why do people always want to know from me what dumb blondes ask Santa for Christmas? —TV 19’s Trish the Dish
Sheree Paolello says that’s really one of those dumb blonde jokes, right? —Jack Atherton, (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you wanted to send me a Christmas present)
I quit WXIX-TV to embark on the most ambitious independent journalism project in history and make the Truth in Media project a reality. Now you can visit our web site where you can buy an “I Support Truth in Media” T-Shirt for only $5. No kidding! —Ben Swann
And if all of that isn’t Christmasy enough, check out my new video this week. —Uncle Jay Explains the News

AND DID YOU SEE WHERE THE OBAMA FAMILY’S CHRISTMAS CARD MADE NO MENTION OF …CHRISTMAS?

— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—

Sometimes The Blower makes fun blasphemy to show that sacrilege will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who finds pictures of the Virgin Mary serving chicken wings the least bit offensive.

Which is why during the entire month of December, The Blower has attempted to offer only spiritual and uplifting holiday messages. Unfortunately, a few tasteless, sacrilegious, and politically incorrect items may have slipped through, such as pictures of Adolf Hitler’s Christmas Party and the Onion’s story about Jews celebrating Christmas with a ceremonial re-murdering of Christ.

UPLIFTING HOLIDAY MESSAGES HOT LINE

e-mail your elevating efforts today.

Some tasteless, sacrilegious, and politically incorrect items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally tasteless, sacrilegious, and politically incorrect subscribers

WHISTLEBLOWER LINK OF THE DAY

Merry Christmas, Jesus

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Special “Christmas Eve” E-dition