One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
To Impeach, Or Not To Impeach!
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1998, Slick Willie was impeached for lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice. Do you think any of those Kneepad Liberals in the Press will be remembering?
According to the History Channel, after nearly 14 hours of debate, the House of Representatives approved two articles of impeachment against President Bill Clinton, charging him with lying under oath to a federal grand jury and obstructing justice. Clinton was the second president in American history to be impeached.
Five weeks later, on February 12, the DemocRAT-controlled Senate voted on whether to remove Clinton from office. Slick Willie was acquitted on both articles of impeachment.
Recently at the Mandela Memorial service, the Slickster said Mandela had taught him to forgive the Republicans who impeached him.
In a related item, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself in a mirror. Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her. Finally, in desperation, she decided to call on God for help. “God, if you take away my love handles, I’ll devote my life to you,” she prayed. And just like that, her ears fell off.
- NO WONDER OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE would like to remind you of that time our Disgraced DemocRAT Pants Dropper in Chief said, “I did not have sexual relations with that that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”
BUT THERE’LL BE NO IMPEACHMENT TODAY: Back in 1998, Republicans in Congress were able to screw up their courage and impeach Slick Willie for telling that one little lie. Just think about the thousands of lies Obama has told during his first five years in office. Wouldn’t it be fitting for Republicans in Congress to honor the memory of Bill Clinton’s impeachment today by impeaching Obama? That probably won’t happen, since John Boehner and his RINOs in the House and Bitch McConnell’s Surrender Monkeys in the Senate are too busy caving in to Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS every chance they get.
Actually, history will record that on Tuesday, December 3, 2013, the U.S. House of Representatives Committee on the Judiciary met to consider the impeachment of Barack Hussein Obama. But they never used that word “impeachment,” of course. Republican leaders frown on such labeling because it makes the House majority look mean-spirited. Maybe that’s why our TEA Party Patriots sent this Christmas present to the Capitol.
- IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says Fox News is reporting Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted announced on Wednesday that his office found 17 non-citizens illegally cast ballots in the 2012 presidential election — and has referred the case for possible prosecution. How about all the ones he didn’t find
TROLLEY FOLLY UPDATE: Yesterday at City Hall Silly Streetcar Supporters packed the City Clown-cil meeting to turn in all those pledges they’d collected to keep their Trolley Folly Wet Dream Alive, even if that long-awaited KPMG Streetcar Project Analysis says it would be $30 million cheaper to stop that boondoggle. But $80 million in pledges is a lot of pledges. Our friends at Republicans for Higher Taxes are sure hoping they got enough before the deadline at midnight tonight. Meanwhile, streetcar whiners can always check The Fishwrap online to see what other streetcar whiners are saying.
There’s one good thing about those union streetcar workers who’ll soon be in line at the Freebie Store for Christmas, they won’t have all those ordinary citizens walking by, cursing at them, and giving them the finger.
- ANXIOUS IN ANDERSON: In Anderson Township, tonight will be the final trustees meeting for Disgraced and Defeated Anderson Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien, and throngs will be passing out invitations for Gerth Pappas’ swearing in ceremonies on January 1, ushering in a new chapter in Anderson Leadership. (UPDATE: A last-minute media advisory dated December 19 now says Gerth Pappas will be sworn in immediately after Kevin’s last meeting.)
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: found in “Erotic Christmas Poems,” available at better used bookstores everywhere.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
All the other reindeer loved him
‘Cause they all know he blows.
- TWENTY-THREE YEARS AGO THIS WEEK: Edition #30 of the Original Whistleblower, was published on December 18, 1990 (back in the really low tech days when The Blower used to be printed and delivered all over town).
That week’s “Really Big Story” featured then-Hamilton County Clerk of Courts Joe Deters’ “Yes, Virginia, there is corruption at the courthouse.” The Top Ten List was then-Commissioner Steve Chabot’s ways to cut the county budget. Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane wrote about “Anti-Semitism on Fountain Square.” WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham was defending Joe Deters. Jeff Ruby was organizing a Celebrity Welcome Home From Prison Party for Pete Rose on January 7, 1991. Alan Falfa was first featured as a “Seediest Kid of All.” And we published “21 Ways to be Offensive at a Christmas Party.” 
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER VERSE: For those of you planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup at Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Christmas Party at the Schmidt Run Estates at 771 Wards Corner Road, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman plans to announce her return to politics, let’s all sing the ninth verse of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by Mean Jean’s Former Sister-in-Spending, Michelle Glass Slipper, who we recall as John Pepper’s $2,500 (originally reported to be $5,000) Whore (so she’s only half the Whore you thought she was), and who also betrayed her constituents by supporting more wasteful over-taxed payers’ spending on other local feel-good projects. It goes something like this:
On the Ninth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
Nine Bills o’ Spending,
Eight Dems a Booing,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
It’s really beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, isn’t it, Portman?
Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and The Blower Christmas Dancers will also be there, showing you why they’re favorites at holiday parties all over the tri-state.
OBAMA ORNAMENTS: And what better way for Obama’s female followers to demonstrate their fanatical fervor than to purchase another Obama Christmas ornament. That’s why this limited edition “Obama Orgasm” ornament for only $19.95 is so spiritually uplifting, as Obama Supporters in the Press continue to promise “1,461 Days of Christmas” during Obama’s second term, with proceeds benefitting Obama’s 2016 Third-Term Re-election Campaign.
STILL IN A HOLIDAY MOOD, Adams County Historian Scott Seaman says “I love Christmas Lights, but they remind me of politicians! They all hang together, half the suckers don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright.” Still, the Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located in East Jesus says those Amazing Amish Christmas Lights in the Wheat Ridge Community are really spectacular this year. If only Ohio Second District Congressman-Elect Congressman-Elect “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s officehad given directions for the opening ceremonies two weeks ago, all those people wouldn’t still be driving around every night looking for the lights.
Meawhile back in the inner city, Kwanzaa Klaus says, “Please tell the yoofs there be only seven mo’ shopliftin’ days till Kwanzaa!”
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Ken CamBoo says he can hardly wait for our Good Friend Kenton Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ annual Christmas Party at Forum in Covington tonight, especially since The Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) events are being combined.
One thing they’ll all be talking about is how “Crazy Eric” always manages to surface at press events so soon after tragedies occur, particularly if The Blower heard definitive proof about how “Crazy Eric” might unethically be soliciting clients.
Saturday is also the Winter Solstice, and Dave the Druid says “That’s why we like to call our holiday the Wiccan Sabbat of Yule. How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: They don’t screw I a light bulb. They screw in stone circles.
Saturday is also World Fake Orgasm for Peace Day, and Miss Vicki says people keep asking her if her Big “O” Party at the Fort Mitchell Country Club is “for real,” since they’re not 100% certain World Orgasm for Peace Day, being celebrated on the eve of the Winter Solstice is a real event.
When in doubt, Google it!
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher what’s been the worst part about being under the weather this week, not even being able to publish an e-dition on Wednesday. “It’s been a tough week,” Kane lamented. “I even had to give up a bribe lunch at The Boathouse.”
The Seediest Kids of All
The Alan Falfa Story
The holiday season has always been a depressing time for Alan Falfa and his family, because there’s never enough money to buy Christmas presents.
So the Seediest Kids of All (not associated with the Failed United Way) sent over an electric train for Alan, an electric saw for Alan’s father so he can get some part-time work as a scab concrete worker on the doomed Cincinnati Streetcar Construction Team, an electric blanket to keep Alan’s arthritic grandmother warm on cold winter nights, and an electric hair dryer for Alan’s 15-year-old sister Missy, so she can look nice when she goes out with that decrepit former Channel 9 sportscaster who promised her a job as an intern at the station after Horny in Hebron’s favorite massage parlor in Covington was padlocked.
The Falfa family has you to thank, since it’s your liberal guilt giving throughout the year which makes it all possible. Now if those heartless bastards from Duke Energy don’t turn off the Falfa Family’s electricity on Christmas Eve like they do every year, things will be a whole lot merrier.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our December fund-raising drive by the Forum (formerly Sidebar, and before that Coco’s in Covington), and who knows what the hell it’ll be called next week?
CHRISTMAS WISH LIST HOT LINE
e-mail your heartfelt desires today.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Evil Santa Claus
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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