FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2013
Top Ten List
Today it’s the Top Ten things The Blower was grateful for this Thanksgiving Day:
10. The First Amendment.
9. Seeing the local RINO Party get exactly what it deserved again on Election Day one more time. In 2008, our prediction came and Hamilton County turned 40 shades of “Blue,” in 2009 and 2010 those bozos were still wandering in the wilderness, and in 2011, their humiliation was nearly complete, and in 2012 their disgrace became absolute.
8. Political correctness still running amok.
7. Politicians and lovely ladies from all over wanting to buy our lunch.
6. Our snitches are everywhere.
5. Lazy, stupid, and dishonest Fishwrappers letting The Blower scoop them every day.
4. Folks in Northern Kentucky still stealing all that business from Ohio.
3. The ACLU and the many members of the Whistleblower Legal Dream Team, for keeping us out of trouble for the past twenty years; Award-winning Photo Illustrators like Artis Conception and Edward Cropper; and those guys from “Not the Fishwrap” who help us comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.
2. All those folks who keep trying to offer The Blower all that money to advise them on their political campaigns.
…and the Number One thing The Blower was grateful for this Thanksgiving is… All those Gluttons for Punishment who make it easy for us to exercise Our Beloved Whistleblower Motto.
Let’s all say it together: “Because wherever there’s corruption, we’ll be there. Wherever there’s injustice, we’ll be there. And wherever there’s a bunch of big guys beating up on a little guy, we’ll be there too…holding the little guy down.”
Are You Sure the Term “Black Friday” Isn’t Racist?
Every time we hear the term “Black Friday” on TV, we expect to see some Black Racial Racketeer like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, SMLP Smithermouth, or Revrum Lynchmob whipping up the “Occupy” crowd crowd or a bunch of union goons in front of Wal-Mart at a “Black Friday Sale” or the PC Police insisting we call it “African American Friday.”
“Black Friday” is such a downer. There’s no holiday cheer in that. It doesn’t make you want to go out and spend all that money you don’t have on family gifts. Maybe we should just stay home and watch old black-face movies on TV.
And let’s face it: black folks don’t spend the most money on this Friday either; they don’t even spend as much money as Mexicans. Look at any news report of people who are stupid enough to camp out for days waiting for some crappy item to go on sale, that somebody is going to break into their house and steal anyway. Those folks are like “Ivory” soap— they’re 99 and 44/100% white.
This year’s “Black Friday” is in the month before Christmas and stores are advertising bargain prices to get people to wait in line all night until the stores open just to spend their money. They say “Black Friday” is the day stores begin to turn a profit each year, since their operations will then be “in the black,” having been “in the red” all year up until now. But if they want to make people think about spending money and successful businesses making a profit, maybe they should be calling it “Green Friday.” Except that on Half-Black Fridays during the Dark Ages of the Obama Administration, “Green Businesses” are all big losers costing We the Over-Taxed Payers billions of dollars of misspent borrowed money.
Hurley the Historian says October 24, 1929 was “Black Thursday,” when the stock market lost 11% of its value at the opening bell on very heavy trading. Whistleblower Business Editor Merrill Forbes says with Obama in the White House, investors are praying for a better fate today.
Finally, just for fun, Our Good Friend Bobby Leach says let’s all listen to Stan Freberg’s classic “Green Christmas,” just to put things into their proper perspective.
Stories We’re Working On
Black Friday now Gray Friday- Thanksgivukkah has most Jews confused
- John Boehner visits Bowman & Landes Turkey Farm
- Local Republicans to blame for Sitt-n-Spin’s Treachery
- Does Cincinnati’s new City Manager live in the city?
- Dems’ Lt. Governor candidate Kearney’s financial problems
- Thanksgiving gluttony in Northern Kentucky
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said most patriotic Americans would be celebrating the upcoming Thanksgiving Day:
(A) Giving thanks to Obama: 2%
(B) Getting ready to be laid off: 2%
(C) Getting their peckers pulled at airports: 4%
(D) Enjoying another day off with pay: 92%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
More Conservative Political Cartoons
YESTERDAY ON THANKSGIVING, THE FIRST FAMILY’S MENU included Turkey … Honey-Baked Ham … Cornbread Stuffing … Oyster Stuffing … Greens … Macaroni and Cheese … Sweet Potatoes … Mashed Potatoes… Green Bean Casserole … Dinner Rolls … Huckleberry Pie … Pecan Pie … Chocolate Cream Pie … Sweet Potato Pie … Peach Pie … Apple Pie … Pumpkin Pie … Banana Cream Pie … and Coconut Cream Pie. (Just like what all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing Obama Voters are buying with their food stamps).
Thanksgiving Traditions
This week, everybody who thinks Thanks-getting would be even more fun than Thanksgiving, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Sidney Stuffit, who says the best part about Thanksgiving at Grandma’s house is taking a nap following the after-dinner farting contest during the football game. Sidney wins a reprint of The Blower’s “Things That Sound Dirty on Thanksgiving,” a chance to be a judge at Phil Burr-ass’ Phallic Mashed Potato Sculpture Contest, and front-row seats at the annual re-enactment of Miles Standish’s gay naked gravy-wrestling match with Squanto. His winning limerick is:
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Is the NFL Instant Replay.
Now if only our wives would agree
To serve us with more esprit
And cut to the chase without foreplay.
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Is not watching the Bungals play.
The Ben-gals are a luscious diversion,
But to Mikey’s boys we have an aversion
Since they only play the game halfway.
The best part of Thanksgiving Day,
Is having the family for a short stay,
We’ve made a deal,
That after the meal,
We’ll be watching their tail lights as they drive away.
Dishonorable Mentions
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Will be watching the NFL play.
But over at the Obama White House
Every homosexual socialist louse
Will be gleefully toasting our nation’s decay.
The best part of Thanksgiving Day,
Is two days off with normal pay,
The NFL all day long,
You just can’t go wrong,
We don’t have to watch the Bungals play!
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Before dinner, with your family you pray;
But you gorge down your food,
And with your in-laws in a bad mood,
Makes you wish you were far, far away.
The best part about Thanksgiving Day
Is when everyone finally goes away.
The kitchen’s a wreck,
And the place looks like heck,
Next year, it’s at YOUR house, Okay?
The best part about Thanksgiving Day
Is after you put the turkey away
You lie down on the couch
No longer a grouch
‘Cause football chased the talking heads away.
From Northern Kentucky
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
(Besides getting the day off with pay)
Is to sit on your ass
While you have your wife pass
More white meat and dressing your way.
The best part about Thanksgiving Day
When the guests have all gone away
You can unplug the phone
And with a hottie be alone
And it’s time for a roll in the hay!
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
It’s always a “day off with pay.”
But with Obama’s greedy guile
We all bend over and smile,
And give thanks while we drive it away.
And from the Unlicensed Anderson Laureate (who says he’s not a sore loser, he’s just a Real Republican):
The best part of Thanksgiving Day
Is getting the day off with pay
But if you’re retired like me
Every day is free
If you’re lucky, you’ll get a roll in the hay.
I grew up in the US a free man
But our freedom is now in the can
With Obama in charge
Our problems are large
On November 6th, the shit hit the fan.
This arrogant egotistic narcissist
Makes me terribly pissed
He thinks he’s divine
(In his mind, not mine)
My objections would make a long list.
But back to the theme for this week:
Some comfort and solace I seek;
At least I’m still living
For this, I’m Thanks-giving
But our country is still up the creek.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Is there help for the old GOP?”
WEIGHT GAINERS HOT LINE
e-mail your holiday heartburns today.
Some cholesterol-free items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally cholesterol-free subscribers.
Link of the Day
Ronald Reagan’s Thanksgiving Day Address 1985
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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