Wednesday, November 27, 2012
Happy “Thanksgivukkah,” Everybody!
Thanksgiving and the first day of Hanukkah almost never coincide, and this Thursday will be a once in many-lifetimes event. In fact, November 28, 2013 will be the first time – almost ever – that the two holidays will share the same date on the calendar, and according to LiveScience, and it won’t happen again for about 70,000 years.- Tonight will be the first night of Hanukkah. Why do Jews celebrate this holiday anyway? Hanukkah Harry explains: “More than 2,000 years ago, Syria attacked Israel. We kicked their asses. The oil in the lamps burned for eight days. Now go eat some potato latkes (sometimes referred to as Jewish weapons of mass destruction) and play with your dreidel already.”
- Speaking of Jewish toys, The Blower was corrected yesterday for saying “nothing rhymes with dreidel.” A caller said, “How about “ladle?” Amazingly, the call was from Judge St. Nick Nadel.
- How will the City of Cincinnati be celebrating this important Jewish holiday? Most Jews in Cincinnati made their Exodus to the suburbs ages ago.
How do you pronounce “Hanukkah” anyway? Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, reportedly a part-time Rabbinic scholar in that story ages ago by Fritz Wenzel (when the president of Wenzel Strategies was but a mere political columnist for the Toledo Blade), says if you’re pronouncing it correctly, somebody will say “God Bless You.” Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose comedian Richard Lewis’ “Most Texans think it’s some kind of duck call.”
Whistleblower Religious Editor Fielding Mellish remembers when Obama celebrated Hanukkah at the White House two weeks early, and then lit ALL the candles at once? Didn’t any of Obama’s over-paid advisors tell him you’re not supposed to do that until the eighth night or was Rahm Emanuel the only Jew on the White House staff and he was already back in Chicago? Imagine if George Bush had done something that stupid. The Liberal Press would’ve gone “Meshugenah” this morning.
Every day during the Obama presidency, you can see more of Obama’s Middle East Disasters unfolding. Not only is Obama promising Palestinians he will not let Israel move forward with new settlement construction, but Obama’s Iran Nuclear Deal is being described as the worst news since Hitler’s Appeasement, and Kerry’s visit to Geneva is be compared to Neville Chamberlain’s visit to Munich in 1938, when the British Prime Minister infamously declared it would lead to “peace in our time.” Meanwhile, DemocRAT National Convention hack Debbie Wasserman Schultz continues to insist Obama is pro-Israel.
No wonder most people believe Obama’s Israel policy has caused tensions in US-Israel relations. So why would any self-respecting Jewish person want to grovel in front of Obama anyway? Of course, last year in the 2012 Elections, Liberal Jews still bowed down to him as if he is the next messiah…how pathetic was that. These same people bowed down to Hitler when he was the leader of Germany. They’ll never learn. You can hit them with a hammer and they will keep coming back for more. They just don’t get it.
Alumni of Cincinnati TV Stations like Jack Atherton, Dan Carroll, and Ben Swann really miss being at their his old stations in Cincinnati, and hope you won’t forget to tune in tonight on TV 19 and Channel 5 for Trish “The Dish’s” and Sheree’s Hanukkah special where the silly “Shiksas” explain some of the quaint Hanukkah customs. And of course, our good friend Bobby Leach says he’d like to see them show us how to stick your candle into a “labia menorah.”
Former (but still reviled) Flying Buttress Publisher Tomas de Torquemada used to say in his nasty newsletter for Catholics that The Blower staff would be burned at the stake for making fun of his religion.- Down at the Cincinnati Metropolitan Housing Authority, it hasn’t been the same lately without Arnold Barnett and that Rosenberg guy exchanging Hanukkah slurs.
- Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall (a real “landsman”) who quit working for those religious extremists at that Christian radio station in Kentucky says you shouldn’t miss Lewis Black’s Hanukkah and Christmas video being featured as The Blower’s “Link of the Day.”
Meanwhile in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says he got a call from Sadie Rabinowitz who asked him: “Do you think that new Kroger store in Newport carries Hanukkah candles? None of the other Kroger stores do.” And is Kroger really selling “Ham for Chanuka” at $6.29 per pound?- Is Hamilton County Treasurer Rob Goering Jewish? Obviously not— it would never have taken someone of the Hebrew faith a decade to figure out how to sell deadbeat tax payers’ delinquent tax bills to private collection agencies after our Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor (who was always been permitted to run unopposed) jacked-up their property taxes beyond what any of them could afford.
Following a referral from the Harpies from Home Owners Made to pay Extortion (HOME) The Ohio Political Correctness Commission cited The Blower for making up the name “Chrismukkah” to combine the holidays Christmas and Hanukkah. They say by not including Kwanzaa in “ChrisKwanzukkah,” we are indeed thoughtless, mean-spirited, insensitive, politically incorrect, racist, segregationist, and separatists. (But not poorly written.)
So now The Blower probably will also have to include Ramadan when we announce our big politically incorrect “RamaHanuKwanzMas” Party. Watch for the date. At least we won’t have to include tomorrow’s “Thanksgivukkah” celebration for another 70,000 years, or until Obama’s out of office, whichever comes first.
Now here’s the funniest politically incorrect thing overheard at a funeral today: the guy says, “Yeah, I bought my kid a present for Hanukkah. It’s a teddy bear named Mohammed. I’m going to tell my boy to beat the hell out of it.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know, and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially “The Goyim” on Hanukkah.
HAPPY HANUKKAH HOT LINE
e-mail your Hebrew highlights today
Some Jew choosing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Jew choosing Subscribers.
Link of the Day
Lewis Black – Hanukkah and Christmas
plus
The Night Hanukkah Harry Beat Up Santa Claus
Sex for Hanukkah
ADAM SANDLER – CHANUKAH (HANUKKAH) SONG
Adam Sandler – Hanukkah Song Part 2
Jackie Mason’s Christmas and Hanukkah Card
Charlie Brown’s Hanukkah
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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