Daily Archives: November 26, 2013

Official “Getting Ready for Thanksgiving” E-dition

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

  • image004On this date in 1941, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill officially establishing the fourth Thursday in November as Thanksgiving Day, but don’t be surprised if somehow Obama tries to take credit. — Hurley the Historian
  • And for this Thanksgiving, we’ll be choosing Ronald Reagan’s “Perhaps no custom reveals our character as a Nation so clearly as our celebration of Thanksgiving Day. Rooted deeply in our Judeo-Christian heritage, the practice of offering thanksgiving underscores our unshakable belief in God as the foundation of our Nation and our firm reliance upon Him from Whom all blessings flow.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
  • This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for America’s Neville Chamberlain moment last weekend, when Obama’s Historic Iran Treaty was only our latest diversion to deflect attention from our epic ObamaCare failure and all those other scandals for which Obama should’ve long ago been impeached. —The White House
  • And this Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful The Blower will be covering the upcoming 1,151 Days during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term after all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing Obama Voters ensured that the Divided States of America would have a government it truly deserves. —The Conservative Agenda 
  • image007This Thanksgiving, we’ll be accusing Obama of “pimping” for the poultry industry with his annual pardoning of the official Thanksgiving turkey, but not condemning the killing of 45 million birds for the annual American feast. —PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)
  • This Thanksgiving, will failure continue to stalk Obama? All eight Turkeys he’s previously pardoned on Thanksgiving have died. —ABC News
  • This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if PMSNBC finally gets around to disciplining Martin Bashir for saying he’d like to see somebody “Crap in my Mouth!” —Sarah Palin
  • image009This Thanksgiving, we’ll be complaining that we didn’t get an ObamaCare Carve Out like Congress did. —Obama’s Buddies in Big Labor
  • This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for Obama’s Justice Department and all those Obama Supporters in the Press looking the other way.—DemocRAT Vote Frauders
  • This Thanksgiving, there’ll only be 47 days until the next government shutdown.  —The Heritage Foundation
  • This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for all those small business owners being crushed by ObamaCare. —Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid
  • This Thanksgiving, the economy is so bad PMSNBC will have to lay off 300 Obama spokesmen. —Jay Leno
  • This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful for socialized medicine, wealth redistribution, anti-gun judges, higher taxes, open borders, and class warfare, but especially all that FREE STUFF! —Obama’s Moochers and Slackers
  • image009This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if nobody remembers my promise to resign after Romney lost the election. —WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham
  • This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if every Real Republican in Hamilton County hasn’t asked me to resign. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T. Mall Cop GOP
  • image011This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful I don’t yet have a worthy opponent in next year’s primaries.—“Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup
  • This Thanksgiving, I’m not cooking a turkey because I’ll be in Turkey. —“Junketing Jean” Schmidt
  • image013This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful for DemocRATS at the Hamilton County Board of Elections if they help me find 861 votes to help me keep my seat on Cincinnati City Clown-cil for the next four years, unlike those other Rubber Stamping Trolley Folliers who got kicked off. —Laure’ Not So Cleanlivin’
  • This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if nobody finds out about that other job I was just offered. —Charlie Windbag
  • This Thanksgiving, I’ll be waiting for my nomination for one of those COAST Awards from “One Percent for Liberty,” whatever the Hell that is —Diminutive DemocRAT Cincinnati Mayor-Elect John Cranley
  • image014This Thanksgiving, we’ll still be packing. —Dainty DemocRAT Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory, Defeated DemocRAT Mayoral Candidate Foxy Roxy Qualls, and Discharged DemocRAT City Mangler Dough Boy Honey
  • This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful some people are still coming to our meetings. —Clermont County TEA Partiers
  • This Thanksgiving, please don’t be offended if I fall asleep on the couch with my hand in my pants. —Disgraced and Defeated Anderson Trustee Kevin O’Brien
  • image016This Thanksgiving, we’d be happy if John Boehner and Republicans in Congress would stop compromising and start impeaching. —Firebrands at Grasstops USA
  • This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for all those patriots signing our petitions. —Secessionists for a Divided America
  • This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for your liberal guilt giving throughout the year that makes all of our programs possible. —The Seediest Kids of All
  • This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful The Blower plans to publicize all of our efforts to help the losers of life’s lottery. —United Appall People
  • This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful for all my snitches in Northern Kentucky. —Ken CamBoo
  • This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful I still have all that TEA Party support. —Bitch McConnell
  • image017This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful the only lawyer dumb enough to file frivolous lawsuits against me is, in my opinion, an incompetent boob! —Our Good Friend, Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E. Rob Sanders
  • This Thanksgiving, I hope my mysterious infection clears up. —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
  • This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful my name hasn’t been in The Blower too much lately. —Michael Liquid Plummer
  • This Thanksgiving, the best part about Thanksgiving Day dinner in Kentucky is when you get to pump-kin. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
  • This Thanksgiving, I’ll still be confused about Wilford Brimley’s Erotic No-Hands Turkey Stuffing Tips. If you hold tight to each of the turkey’s legs, what do you use to mash in the stuffing? —Horny in Hebron
  • This Thanksgiving, as usual we’re giving thanks for Cincinnati City Clown-cil. —Bluegrass Developers
  • This Thanksgiving at our company Thanksgiving Day dinner we’ll be serving Turkey Tacos. —Fischer Homes
  • This Thanksgiving, will Scott “Pass the Drumsticks” Kimmich and I still be banned from the Golden Corral buffet on Thanksgiving? —Clueless Marc Wilson
  • This Thanksgiving, be sure to wipe off your turkey-baster before your wife re-uses it. —Goof Doofus
  • image018This Thanksgiving, don’t stuff your turkey with anything but dressing. —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson
  • This Thanksgiving, would people show up on if we raced turkeys? —Turfway Park
  • Turkeys don’t fly? —Les Nessman, WKRP
  • This Thanksgiving, we’ll be serving green turkey bologna sandwiches at the Kenton County Escape Center. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
  • This Thanksgiving, we’ll be showing “Turkeys from Outer Space.” —Flashlight Theater
  • This Thanksgiving, I’ll thankful for all those turkeys on Vanilla Hills City Clown-cil who ignored all the evidence and let me keep my job. —Miscreant Mayor Mike Martin
  • They call it Thanksgiving because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. —Bobby Leach
  • Why isn’t my birthday celebrated as a national holiday? — Squanto
  • Which would you like on Thanksgiving: a little “suc,” or a little “tash?” —Phyllis on Madison
  • image019We’re thankful for all those people who e-mailed their nominations to our 2013 Biggest Turkey of the Year Award Contest. —Dummy’s Restaurant
  • The best part about Thanksgiving dinner at the station is when we grab Trish “The Dish’s” legs and Trish says, “Make a wish.” —TV 19 Photographers
  • You guys can’t fool me. That’s another dirty joke, right? —TV 5’s Sheree Paolello

MORE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL CARTOONS

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— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—      

        image024Sometimes The Blower makes fun of food fetishes to show that fornicating your food is bad table manners and will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Foodfuker.   

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially “WILFORD BRIMLEY,” whose Erotic No-Hands Turkey Stuffing Tips are always a holiday favorite for many of our Pervert Subscribers.

WILFORD BRIMLEY HOT LINE

e-mail your stuffing tips today.

image026 Some turkey stuffing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally turkey stuffing subscribers. 

WHISTLEBLOWER LINK OF THE DAY

      Thanksgiving Dinner: Will It Blend?

image027Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here

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