Friday, October 25, 2013
Maybe Last Year’s Voters Needed Glasses
At today’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if voters had realized Romney and the Republicans were actually telling the truth about ObamaCare, and all those other lies and distortions Obama’s been caught telling since last year, is there any way those same Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters would’ve ever been stupid enough to return Obama to the White House.
But today, the White House is still claiming that “No Insurance Company will ever be able to drop you as a customer,” despite the fact that all over America insurance companies are dropping millions of customers because of ObamaCare, and CBS is even reporting ObamaCare will collapse financially unless its Enrollment Fiasco isn’t fixed soon.
“Is not just the fact that for decades, DemocRATS have doomed this country with Stupidity,” Kane explained, “but also on Election Day,” those Stupid People doom the Country by Voting.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose JFK’s “The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all.”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
It’s endorsed Republican Township Trustee Candidate Andy Pappas, who finally achieved true celebrity status in Anderson Township when his Guest Column actually appeared in the paper edition of Wednesday’s Forest Hills Urinal, even though Editor Eric Spangler and League of Women Vipers Reporter Lisa Wakeland made damn sure you couldn’t find it online. Andy made sure to capitalize “TEA Party” in his column, although our Urinators denigrated the TEA Party in all other references in that publication by lowering casing “tea party” every other time those words appeared in print, just like all good little Kneepad Liberals in the Press are supposed to do.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in recognizing aspiring conservative guest columnists, is pleased to permit a guy who’s not afraid to capitalize TEA Party every chance he gets, to be our guest editor to choose three items plus a quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
JIMMY CARTER IS RELIEVED By George Will
America has had some great presidents, many mediocre ones and a few bad ones. But we’ve never had one like Barack Obama. He’s the first who thinks the job is beneath him.
- He’s the first who turns political give-and-take into a crisis by refusing to negotiate with Congress.
- He’s the first who thinks the way to more power is to inflict pain on ordinary people.
- The move to barricade the World War II memorial reveals the mentality of a tin-pot dictator. The limited government shutdown did not need to affect the memorial because it is open 24 hours, without gates and often without guards.
- But to turn public opinion in his favor, Obama’s goons trucked in barricades to keep out World War II vets and other visitors. By one estimate, the barricades and workers cost $100,000.
- The same punish-the-people attitude led to shutdowns of other parks and historic sites that get no federal funding.
- “We’ve been told to make life as difficult for people as we can. It’s disgusting,” a Park Service ranger told The Washington Times.
- The ranger cited the order to close the parking lot at George Washington’s home in Mount Vernon so visitors couldn’t use it. The cheap trick captured the contrast between a revered president and the current one.
- I’ve been saying for a while that there is no bottom to Obama. He’s not just ruthless. He’s without scruples and honor.
- Now the shutdown has ended, it will bring only a temporary respite from the crisis atmosphere in Washington. When it comes to his countrymen, Obama always chooses conflict over cooperation.
- Meanwhile, Jimmy Carter can rest easy. We have a new worst president.
THE TOP TEN REASONS YOU MIGHT BE A DUMB ASS AMERICAN By Larry the Rantin’ Redneck
10. You might be a Dumb Ass American if you were one of the 53% of voters who voted for “The Dumb Ass” a second time.
9. You believe killing babies is a good thing but killing convicted killers is a bad thing.
8. You believe taking guns away from law abiding citizens will end gun violence and that the best way to protect school children is to hang a sign on the front door that says, “This is a gun free zone.”
7. You believe that the countries we give aid to will bail us out after the government confiscates all of our money.
6. You believe Al Gore and his climate gurus can more accurately predict weather ten years from now than they can predict weather ten days from now.
5. You believe that doctors are overpaid but lawyers are not.
4. You believe that Democrats really want to end poverty when they tell you they are the Party of the poor and middle class.
3. You believe GE is a responsible corporate partner in the American economy because they paid zero taxes.
2. You believe that Liberalism, Socialism, and Communism are not really the same thing.
….And the Number One Reason You Might Be a Dumb Ass American is…you believe that only white people can be guilty of being racist.
OUR MISERABLE AND INEPT GOVERNMENT “SCREW UPS” By Hurley the Historian
TO PRESIDENT OBAMA AND ALL 535 VOTING MEMBERS OF THE LEGISLATURE: It is now official that the majority of you are corrupt and ineffective:
- The U.S. Postal Service was established in 1775. You have had 238 years to get it right and it is broke.
- Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 78 years to get it right and it is broke.
- Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 75 years to get it right and it is broke.
- War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 49 years to get it right; $1 trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to “the poor” and they only want more.
- Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 48 years to get it right and they are broke.
- Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 43 years to get it right and it is broke.
- The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000 employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we import more oil than ever before. You had 36 years to get it right and it is an abysmal failure.
You have FAILED in every “government service” you have shoved down our throats while overspending our tax dollars. AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU CAN BE TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH CARE SYSTEM?
AND A QUICKIE By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
Today we have a spelling lesson The last four letters in American: “I Can” The last four letters in Republican: “I Can” The last four letters in DemocRATS: “RATS” End of lesson. Test to follow on November 5. And remember, November has been set aside as “Rodent Removal Month.”
Stories We’re Working On
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Obama Approval Rating at All-Time Low - Happy Halloween: ObamaCare was a Graveyard Smash
- Obama Also Spied on the Pope
- Sebelius Still Not Fired
- White Mayor Guaranteed in Cincinnati
- CVG Board Ripping Off Over-Taxed Payers
- Rasmussen Poll says Zombies Would Do a Better Job Than Federal Employees
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said people would be dress up like at Miss Vicki’s Halloween Party last night: (A) Unemployed People: 2% (B) Dead Celebrities: 1% (C) Black folks, just like Obama: 1% (D) Scantily Clad Cougars in Heat: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
More Conservative Political Cartoons
Halloween Nighties
This week, everybody in Northern Kentucky who likes Halloween because we can all dress up in false faces and women’s clothes, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is our old friend, the Cross-Dressing Attorney (shown at right), who always said clothes make the man, and vice versa. Our Cross-Dresser wins nomination to the Transvestites Hall of Fame in Covington; an old ball gown from Blondie Whalen, along with Blondie’s extra large one-piece bathing suit; and an invitation to Miss Vicki’s Halloween Party, but not necessarily as Miss Vicki’s date. (If you haven’t received your invitation yet, you must not have made the list this year.) His winning limerick is:
What folks will be wearing on Halloween night
Will surely give everyone who sees them a fright
‘Cause a man in a dress
Will give women stress
If his breasts are a mouth-watering delight.
We also have a dishonorable mention from our Deacon on Beacon:
What folks will be wearing on Halloween night
Depends on which side of the aisle you might alight.
Tea Party-ers will wear tea bags, all about town;
Ben D. and Phil McK, a shimmering black gown.
And RINOs? It’s blue that gives them the most frightful delight.
Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson wrote
What folks will be wearing on Halloween night
Depends if they come from the left or the right.
Dainty DemocRATs dress like “Toy Story’s” Woody;
DeWhiners will stutter while asking for booty,
And Senile Sheriffs dress down all anti-taxers on sight!
William T. Robinson III says
What folks will be wearing Halloween night
Will fill you with terrible fright!
Masks of Obama and Pelosi!
Shades of Bela Lugosi!
But in November, we’ll make it all right!
Edward G. Robinson submitted
What folks will be wearing on Halloween night
Will fill you with dread and sheer fright!
It’s masks of Hillary and Obama,
Claiming they be yo’ daddy and momma!
Oh what a horrible sight!!
And from the Anderson Laureate (who says he’s glad his name’s not on the Auditor’s Delinquent Property List Update):
What folks will be wearing on Halloween night:
A Sebelius mask? God, such a fright!
Her eye fills me with dread,
Like the Night of the Living Dead!
Do you suppose she’s afraid of the light?
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“This year when the Elections are done”
OUTRAGEOUS HALLOWEEN COSTUMES HOT LINE
E-mail your egregious entries today.
Some contemptible items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally contemptible subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Obama’s Halloween Costume Advice
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
