Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
You’re nobody until you’ve been mocked on Saturday Night Live. Maybe that’s why Congress is asking me to testify on Halloween. —Cincinnati’s Embarrassing HHS Secretary Kathleen “Simple” Sebelius- Maybe the ObamaCare Rollout has been just part of this year’s Early Halloween Celebration. —Halloween Merchandisers
- Sunday night’s “60 Minutes” piece on Benghazi validated everything the Whistleblower had previously reported. —Fox News
- How do make your wife scream while you’re having sex? Call her and tell her about it, like still do with Hillary. —Bill Clinton, Licensed Marriage Counselor
- The President says he didn’t know the NSA was spying on America’s European Allies. —Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
- We say that too, over and over and over. —Obama Supporters in the Press
And I didn’t know my Princeton classmate was a top executive at the company given a No-Bid Contract to build our failed Billion Dollar ObamaCare website. —Michelle- And don’t tell anybody that we also got that sweetheart deal to distribute billions to Hurricane Sandy victims. –Princeton University Graduates at CGI
- We were all for ObamaCare until we realized we were paying for it. —Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters
- Did everybody see Ohio Republican Governor Kasich-Taylor trying to sound like he’s against ObamaCare when he debated Bluegrass DemocRAT Governor Steve BeShear Sunday’s “Meet the Depressed?” —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Gerry Manders
- Clowncouncilmember Wendell Young and Vice Mayor Roxanne Qualls were ambushing attendees at the NAALCP Annual Banquet at Duke Overpriced Energy Center, creating a dangerous situation at the top of the escalator while John Cranley was inside being extolled for his many virtues, which could still only hold a pale comparison to telling everybody “All My Family Is Here.” —SMLP NAALCP President Christopher Smithermouth
What’s the real reason I wasn’t endorsed by The Fishwrap this year? —I thought those hairy homophobes believed in “Diversity.” —Cincinnati Clown-cilgay Chris Squealback- Why are so many of Foxy Roxy’s donors giving money to John Cranley? Could it be those internal polls? It seems the “reach around” is a good political idea this year! —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
- On this date in 1886 President Grover Cleveland dedicated the Statue of Liberty, but Obama Supporters in the Press still plan to change it to the Statue of Obama. Locally, remnants of the Occupy movement want the City to erect the Tomb of the Unknown Protester. —Hurley the Historian
Give us your young, your uninsured, and dying to be rooked.—Emma Lazarus - And wouldn’t it be funny if we had our insurance cancelled and found out the ObamaCare we’re promoting was neither Adorable nor Affordable? — Feckless Fishwrappers
- Along with guaranteeing a white mayor in Cincinnati for the next four years, Fishwrap endorsements call for a majority of whites on Clown-cil. —Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes with Hate” Livingston
- Was there any talk about replacing me at Monday’s FOP Meeting after the judge at my civil trial said I might not have been totally honest when I claimed I didn’t know the $12,000 I got from Diana Frey, incarcerated former head of the Cincinnati Organized and Dedicated Employees union in 2009 was stolen. —FOP President Kathy Harrell
- Where are those new over-taxed paid lawyers I was demanding? —Ditzy DemocRAT Juvenile Court Judge Traci Hunter
We’re still looking for a few good “Poll Flushers” on Election Day. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP- Library Levy Supporters keep saying “It won’t cost more” if you vote for it, but what they don’t tell you is that it would certainly cost you LESS if everybody voted against it. —Hamilton County Over-Taxed Payers
- Please read our endorsements for Colerain Township Trustee.” — Republicans for Higher Taxes
- State Rep-Tile John Becker from Union Township says you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get other State Rep-tiles to co-sponsor a Term Limits resolution. —Clermont Cronies
- Who were all those people waving signs on Beechmont Avenue Sunday afternoon, especially that Gorilla for Gerth? —Apathetic Andersonians
People keep asking if with only one more week until this year’s elections, this Wednesday we’ll finally be publishing Endorsed Republican Trustee Candidate Andy Pappas’ guest column in the Forest Hills Urinal. —Editor Eric Spangler and League of Women Vipers Reporter Lisa Wakeland- We’re asking all our members to boycott The Blower’s advertisers on Halloween because of that publications fair-and-unbiased political coverage. —Bonnie Dunkleman, President of the Anderson-Newtown DemocRAT Club and Neighborhood 2012 Team Leader of Obama for America
When will The Blower be announcing its Political Endorsements this year? —Disgraced Anderson Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien- When will Draft Dodger Bill Cunningham be telling us about more places we can get free chow on Veterans Day? — Freeloaders Pretending to be Veterans
- You can’t believe how many of my Facebook Friends have been trying to wrangle an invitation to my Annual Halloween Party this year. —Miss Vicki
- If Miss Vicki didn’t give her annual Halloween Party this year, how would everybody in Northern Kentucky celebrate? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
- The Blower is sponsoring a “Most Offensive Halloween Costume Contest” again this year. —Beloved Publisher Charles Foster Kane
I’m planning to wear my Dominatrix outfit again this year. —Kathy Groob- I was planning to wear my straightjacket. —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
- Here’s a Halloween Tip: Never look in a mirror and try to repeat “Bloody Mary” three times until the next morning, after a really rockin’ Halloween party. —Michael Liquid Plummer and Nathan “Cornbread” Smith
- Remember that year I showed up at Miss Vicki’s Halloween Party wearing my “Hung Like a Horse” outfit? —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson
- I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. —Bobby Leach
- That’s why we chose Chris Rock’s “Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
- Eat, drink and be scary, especially the eating and drinking part. —Clueless Marc Wilson
- Do NOT go down in the basement anywhere on Elm Street. —Michael Myers
- Just be sure to drive carefully on your way home. —Trooper Steward
- Here’s a Halloween joke. Why do witches fly on brooms? Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough! —Trish the Dish on Channel 19 News
- I quit WXIX-TV to embark on the most ambitious independent journalism project in history and make the Truth in Media project a reality. Maybe I need to explain why the latest poll finds less than 1 in 10 Americans thinks ObamaCare has improved his health care situation. —Ben Swann
More Conservative Political Cartoons
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WHISTLEBLOWER LINK OF THE DAY
Halloween Horror 2013 – Get The Door, Chad – Creepy Uncle Sam
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