Monday, October 28, 2013

Here’s What Ordinary Americans Think About “Indecision 2013”

Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen reports almost everybody has a really strong opinion about ObamaCare these days, and if Obama’s Unaffordable Health Care Act were on the ballot, there’d be a record turnout on Election Day in only eight more days.

But unfortunately, all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters gave Obama another four years to ruin the country last year at the 2012 Elections, and we’re all be suffering through the next 1,180 days of the America’s Dark Ages during Obama’s Second Term (unless he’s impeached).

That’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects. We found them at dawn still praying for free health care at a candle-light vigil around the Peace Pole in Anderson Township Sunday morning.

We just had to find out what they really thought about all those really important upcoming local elections. Remembering that only about 5.6% of Cincinnati’s apathetic registered voters even bothered to show up for that $400,000 Meaningless Cincinnati Mayoral Primary on September 10, The Blower predicts voters won’t be standing in long lines if they bother to show up at all on November 5.

MAMA MARUSKA, RETIRED HOMEMAKER: There must be a zillion people running for office in all of our local villages, cities, townships, and school boards. The landscape is littered with their yard signs. But how is anybody supposed to know which candidate to vote for until the Morning Fishwrap publishes its complete list of political endorsements for every one of those races?
PORKY DORKMAN, STUDENT: My teacher (whose union spent millions of dollars in ad buys supporting ObamaCare but now they want to be exempt), wants everybody in the class to go home and tell our parents to call their Republican Members of Congress and demand they tell GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner to cave in to Obama’s demands so the federal government does not get shut down again in January.
MARLENE MANDIBLE, TOTALLY UNEMPLOYABLE: I hope those mean-spirited Republicans in Congress don’t cut my Food Stamp money, because Obamacare will be making my Medicaid fiscally unsustainable, and the Ladies on “The View” say Obama will be forced to shut down the government again so all of our Obama Supporters in the Press can blame it on the Republicans.
NORMA RASHID, FORMER TV5 ANCHORWOMAN: If local Republican candidates would only forget to about saving local over-taxed payers money, I could just sit home alone waiting for Charlie to call, except every time the phone rings it’s only just another recorded message from Charlie telling me not to forget to vote for Foxy Roxy Qualls in the Cincinnati Mayoral Election in only eight more days.
LINDA LIBEL, GOSSIP COLUMNIST: If local Republicans would only forget about reducing the size of government, maybe The Blower would find more space to publish some of the fallout from my other local salacious scandals, like Josh Gerth and Andrew Pappas, the Endorsed Republican Anderson Township Trustee Candidates who have agreed to sign The Blower’s “I Won’t Masturbate in Your Car” Pledge, unlike Disgraced Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien who, got himself arrested for pulling his pud in a Wellborn woman’s car after she gave him a ride home from a party.
JACK MEHOFF, USED SOLAR PANEL SALESMAN: Local Republicans need to forget about “Small Business and Entrepreneurship,” just so the Department of Energy doesn’t get shut down and there’ll be enough money in that government loan guarantee program that funded companies like Obama’s campaign contributors ran at Solyndra.
SUZIE SOCCERMOM, TEA PARTY PRINCESS: Local Republicans need to “Rein in Out-of-Control Spending, Balance the Budget, and Ensure Sound Monetary Policy,” because it’s just like what Sarah Palin keeps telling those gutless and rudderless GOP Senators: follow Texas Senator Ted Cruz and his liberty-loving posse on Capitol Hill who’ve led the charge to defund Obama’s train wreck. It’s time to woman up, stand your ground, and fight like a girl.
REVERUM CALHOUN, MINISTER: Local Republicans need to stop being so racist, get behind Obama’s gun control legislation, and stop worrying about “Inflation and the Federal Reserve.” At least that’s what it says here in the talking points DemocRATS gave me along with some walking-around money so I could include that political propaganda in Sunday’s sermon.
LEROY WILLIAMS, EROTIC ESCORT SERVICE PROVIDER: If Local Republicans in Congress would only forget about “security failures in Libya that led to the murder of Ambassador Chris Stevens and three other Americans,” some of my streetwalkers might stop asking about their so-called health care benefits, since I always drive them to the clinic whenever they come down with a little dose of clap.
AWAN AFUQYA, MUSLIM SYMPATHIZER: Republicans in Congress should continue to divide the country with their demands for Fiscal Responsibility,” so the news media won’t have time to cover Obama’s support for Terrorist Organizations around the world, and ordinary Americans could stop worrying about threats from Murdering Muslims who have sworn Jihad to behead every infidel in America.
EMILY FRUMP, RETIRED CITY EMPLOYEE: If Local Republicans would only stop trying to “Bring Real Economic Fairness to our Area,” everybody could just agree with that idiotorial in The Fishwrap urging all of us to be Politically Correct and “Give ObamaCare a Chance,” just like they always try to convince their readers that the Trolley Folly will save Downtown Cincinnati, and other diverse items in Girly Mayor Mark Mallory’s Legacy.
BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: How’s this for my poem today? Obama and his Chicago thugs, Have shredded the Constitution. So now our form of government, Is political prostitution.
SEEDY DIEHL, NORTHERN KENTUCKY HOMELESS GUY: As soon as those Hamilton County RINOs are finished with their Holiday Party Committee Happy Hour at Champions Bar and Grill, would it be all right if I return to my refrigerator box at the hobo camp under the bridge and let all you over-taxed payers worry about paying my Medicare expenses under the ObamaTax provisions?
CH SNITCH, 1000 MAIN STREET: If Local Republicans would only stop “their damn Twittering,” the all party hacks would gladly be volunteering to walk door-to-door campaigning for their Cincinnati Mayoral Candidate this weekend, if only RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP had remembered to find somebody to run for the most important office in the City of Cincinnati.
SID SCHLOCK, SLUMLORD: If Local Republicans would only forget about “Who’ll Be Running For President in 2016” and rebuilding home ownership for the Middle Class, some of those deadbeats on welfare who live in my run-down property might even be able to afford to pay the rent and I can wangle myself a seat on the CMHA Board.
KEN CAMBOO, NORTHERN KENTUCKY JOURNALIST: If Local Republicans would’ve only forgotten about “Defunding ObamaCare,” Kentucky’s Senior Senator Bitch McConnell wouldn’t now be having all that trouble with his 2014 primary opponent Matt Bevin after the Republican Senate Minority Leader Surrendered to Obama and Harry Reid over shutting down the Federal Government.
TEA PARTY TIM: If Local Republicans in Congress would only remember to shutdown the government again in January over Raising the Debt Ceiling, Vonda Pickens’ “Overpasses for Obama’s Impeachment” Protesters will have a good reason to make some new signs to use the next time they disrupt traffic in Northern Kentucky.
EARL PITTS, TAXIDERMIST: If Local Republicans would only forget about candidates who voted to waste money on Cincinnati’s Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory’s Trolley Folly,” maybe nobody would be asking how a so-called Conservative like me could possibly be supporting Slut-for Obama Laure “Not So-Cleanlivin’ for Cincinnati City Clown-cil, because of all those scandals she was involved in.
ED NORTON, CURRENTLY FURLOUGHED NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEWER WORKER: If Republicans would forget to mention all those people Governor Steve BeShear claims have been signing up for ObamaCare in Kentucky are on Medicaid (meaning they aren’t the young and healthy Americans they need to fund the system) DemocRATS might do be at the polls in 2014.

REAL AMERICANS HOT LINE

e-mail your ordinary views and opinions today.

Some focus group comments in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally unfocused subscribers.

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