Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

• In spite of my three-year $648 Million ObamaCare Rollout Debacle, President Obama still claims he has the fullest confidence in me. —Cincinnati’s Embarrassing HHS Secretary Kathleen “Simple” Sebelius
• We hope you saw Obama’s Monday photo op in the Rose Garden where only three of the thirteen people standing behind him had actually registered for ObamaCare to try to show ObamaCare is not really on life support. —Obama Supporters in the Press
• We’re still trying to find out if that diabetic pregnant woman who nearly fainted during Obama’s Infomercial had a pre-existing condition. —Network News Producers
• The president was late to Monday’s orchestrated photo op in the Rose Garden because of the Government Shutdown caused by those mean-spirited Republican Terrorists. —Obama’s White House Spokes Dweeb Jay Cardboard
• Remember when I said we had to pass ObamaCare to find out what’s in it? Well now you have to apply for it before you can find out how much it costs. —Nutty Nancy Pelosi (whom, PBS’ Nina Totenberg called “the Most Effective Congressional Leader Probably in 30 Years”)
• Was anybody surprised our editorial said “ObamaCare Was Failing Ahead of Schedule?” —The New York Times
• What does it say when even I can’t support ObamaCare? —Oprah
• All eleven Southwest Ohio Republicans who signed a letter protesting Republican Governor Kasich-Taylor’s plan to violate Ohio law and the state’s constitution by expanding KasichCare could just forget about it, especially after GOP Speaker Bill Batchelder put a fourth pro-expansion state representative on the state’s seven-member Controlling Board set to meet Monday afternoon. —Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders
• Was anybody surprised when Obama’s pick to lead the sprawling Department of Homeland Security was a major DemocRAT donor who used to work with the president’s 2008 campaign? —Whistleblower Investigators
• We bet everybody’s waiting to see if his local member of Congress was included in Sunday’s investigative report about how Congress converts campaign cash into lavish lifestyle upgrades for themselves and their family members. —CBS “60 Minutes” 
• I had to renew my driver’s license today and when the gal asked if I’d like to be an organ donor, I said “Only if I can leave my balls to John Boehner.” —J.D. Winteregg, Actually Running  Against Boehner for U.S. Representative
• It’s about time Obama began recognizing the countless problems with his health care law. As a doctor, I’ve been warning about the law’s shortcomings for years, but those warnings seem to have fallen on deaf ears in the White House while problems mount. My constituents were promised that if they liked their health insurance plan, they could keep it. Today, the President didn’t even acknowledge the hundreds of thousands of Americans who are losing their plans this very month. For an administration that promised to be the most transparent in history, Ohioans deserve real answers —Ohio Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup
• With just two more weeks until this year’s elections, we’re calling out John Cranley for criticizing the Bengalhaus stadium deal and Roxanne’s huge role in getting it passed. —Republicans for Higher Taxes
• Should I cross Republicans for Higher Taxes off my “holiday” list for successfully inserting my role in the stadium fiasco into the Mayoral race?  —Foxy Roxy Qualls
• Please tell my opponent Foxy Roxy to stop saying I “come up short.” —Diminutive DemocRAT John Cranley
• Can you believe we’re actually scheduling an Election Night “Victory Party” at the Boathouse? —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP
• Is The Fishwrap still glossing over the fact that my decision said FOP Queen City Lodge #69 President Kathy Harrell may not have been totally honest at her civil trial when she claimed she didn’t know the $12,000 she got from Diana Frey, head of the Cincinnati Organized and Dedicated Employees union in 2009 was stolen?  —Distinguished Visiting Judge Richard Niehaus
• Many people believe the Hamilton County Courthouse certainly smell sweeter these days without all those hobos crapping all over the steps. —CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street
• I’m still waiting for some of the really bad stuff to come out of that “Performance Audit,” after Whistleblower Dream Team Chairman Scott Greenwood and Retired Real Police Chief Tom Streicher blasted my predecessor Semper Si Leis for his “Failure to Modernize Operations.” —Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil
• Even though Firooz Namei and James “The Rock” Bogen just sweet talked the Court of Appeals into granting me a unanimous summary judgment against The Fishwrap, I still say those lawyers Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters personally picked out for me aren’t good enough. —Ditzy DemocRAT Juvenile Court Judge Traci Hunter  
• Things are certainly much livelier at my Deer Park Council Meetings since I’ve asked Jay Janus to be our Entertainment Chairman. —John Perin, “The Mayor” of Deer Park
• Recently the guy who purchased Disgraced Township Trustee Kevin O’Brien’s house out of foreclosure went throw out all the yard signs Kevin had been storing on the premises,  and along with O’Brien’s signs, he found signs for Peggy Reis and Al Peter.  You don’t think The Old Masturbator stole those signs from peoples’ yards during the last election do you? —Kevin O’Brien’s Enablers at the Forest Hills Urinal
• Do you think The Urinal will actually publish my letter to the owner of a local retail center threatening to boycott all the stores if that retail center didn’t allow us to put a sign for John Piehowicz or take down the sign for Endorsed Republican Trustee Candidates Josh Gerth and Andy Pappas? —Bonnie Dunkleman, President of the Anderson-Newtown DemocRAT Club and Neighborhood 2012 Team Leader of Obama for America in Anderson
• On this date in 1962, President John F. Kennedy announced in a televised speech that U.S. spy planes had discovered Soviet missile bases in Cuba. If that happened today, we’re not sure which dictator our Peace Prize President would be going after next, or which country he’d be withdrawing troops from by the end of the week. —Hurley the Historian
• Maybe that’s why we chose JFK’s “Domestic policy can only defeat us; foreign policy can kill us.” —Quote for Today Committee
• Now that the 2013 Attorney Hunting Rules have been posted in Monday’s Blower, any person with a valid Kentucky Attorney Hunting License may harvest attorneys thru the end of the year. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
• Remember, Guns don’t kill lawyers. Only people kill lawyers. —Billy Bob Carbine
• We’ll sue everybody! —Swindel & Scheister Attorneys at Law
• Many of us in Kentucky now plan to sign up for our FREE ObamaCare after The Fishwrap reported DemocRAT Governor Steve BeShear said it was OK. — Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Followers All 120 Counties in Kentucky
• We were really surprised to find Bluegrass Conservatives weren’t standing behind McConnell after his Surrender in the Senate last week. —Washington Post
• We were even more surprised when the Senate Conservatives Fund endorsed McConnell’s primary challenger Matt Bevin. — Mitch McConnell’s campaign spokeswoman Allison Moore
• How stupid do we look for not endorsing Matt Bevin at our last meeting? —Boondoggle County Republicans
• When my 20-year-old son pays his fine after being arrested for alcohol possession at Keenland race track in Lexington last Friday, will he get the customary UK Students Discount? —Rand Paul  
• You can’t believe how many of my Facebook Friends have been trying to wrangle an invitation to my Annual Halloween Party this year. —Miss Vicki
• Will they also be having Elections in Kentucky on November 5? —Trish the Dish on Channel 19 News
• I quit WXIX-TV to embark on the most ambitious independent journalism project in history and make the Truth in Media project a reality. Maybe I need to explain why Texas Republican Congressman Steve Stockman says he hired a Religious Right legal firm to investigate whether Obama should be impeached.  —Ben Swann

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 Judge Jeanine Pirro on Obamacare

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