Saturday, October 12, 2013

…And It Will Probably Never Work

           According to the Digital Journal, it’s been more than a week since the flagship technology portion of the Obama’s Unaffordable Care Act (ObamaCare) went live. And since that time, the befuddled beast (that was estimated for only $90 million, but wound up costing $634,320,919) for the “historic” website known as Healthcare.gov has shutdown, crapped out, stalled, and mis-loaded so consistently that its track record for failure is challenged only by Obama and Congress. No wonder all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters still don’t have their ObamaCare Accounts.

• BARACK OBAMA, COMMUNITY DISORGANIZER, who’s waiting for all those government checks to bounce next week, but has 1,196 more days remaining in office unless he’s impeached, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• DISINGENUOUS DEMOCRAT SENATE LEADER HARRY REID, who says Obama shouldn’t negotiate with Republicans until they cave in completely and give him everything he wants, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• REPUBLICAN HOUSE SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER, who says he’s surprised Obama didn’t instantly agree on Thursday to the Republicans’ Partial Cave-in Offer on the DemocRATS’ Partial Government Shutdown, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE, who chose Michelle Malkin’s “Who needs enemies when you’ve got Republican Surrenderists for ObamaCare waiting in the wings?,” still doesn’t have their ObamaCare Accounts.
• HURLEY THE HISTORIAN, who says today is really Columbus Day although all those Furloughed Federal Employees and City Hall Slackers won’t get to celebrate that paid holiday until Monday, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• OHIO REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR KASICH-TAYLOR, who says his Defeat-able DemocRAT 2014 Opponent Ed Fitzgerald’s campaign is going absolutely nowhere, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• DISGRACED FORMER OHIO SECOND DISTRICT CONGRESSWOMAN “MEAN JEAN” SCHMIDT, who says in case voters are really serious about throwing out everybody in Congress she’d like to have her old job back, still doesn’t have her ObamaCare Account.
• HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY BOSS ALEX T., MALL COP GOP, who guaranteed Cincinnati will have a White DemocRAT Mayor for the next eight years by not even putting up a Republican candidate, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• DISGUISED DEMOCRAT JOHN CRANLEY, who says “I am not now nor have I ever been a member of COAST (although I’m always happy to deposit a check from Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney),” still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• SOREHEADS IN THE SUBURBS, who are finally figuring out they have “Taxation Without Representation” by the City of Cincinnati, still doesn’t have their ObamaCare Accounts.
• LOONY LIBERTARIAN JIM BERNS, who says Cincinnati Over-Taxed Payers can thank Foxy Roxy for that meaningless $400,000 primary (which worked out to $34.79 per vote) that eliminated him, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• QUEEN NOBLE, who says, “Where’s my free motherfucking health insurance, Bitch?” still doesn’t have her ObamaCare Account.
• CINCINNATI CLOWNCILGAY CHRIS SQUEALBACK, who says my gay lover could use a little free health coverage too, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• PARENTS OF LASALLE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS, who are happy their kids will now enjoy mandatory drug testing, still don’t have their ObamaCare Accounts.
• CINCINNATI POLICE CHIEF JEFFREY BLACKWELL, who says as long as The Fishwrap keeps putting his picture on the front page he doesn’t really have to accomplish anything, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• CINCINNATI CITY MANGLER MILTON DOUGH BOY HONEY, whose wondering how long it’ll take Mayor Cranley to shut down the streetcar and fire his worthless ass, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• CINCINNATI REDS ROOTERS, getting ready to watch another painful World Series on TV this year, still don’t have their ObamaCare Accounts.
• BUNGALS OWNER “MILLIONAIRE MIKE” BROWN, who keeps wondering where his new $10 million digital scoreboard Hamilton County Over-taxed Payers owe him is, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• APATHETIC HAMILTON COUNTY VOTERS, who are avoiding Early Voting like the plague, still don’t have their ObamaCare Accounts.
• WHISTLEBLOWER GOSSIP COLUMNIST LINDA LIBEL, who still hasn’t identified that well-known Greater Cincinnatian who “likes little boys,” still doesn’t have her ObamaCare Account.
• FOREST HILLS URINAL EDITOR ERIC SPANGLER AND REPORTER LISA WAKELAND, who probably didn’t get “complimentary tickets” to attend Friday night’s $50 person/$80 couple get out the vote party for Endorsed Republican Township Trustee Candidates Andy Pappas and Josh Gerth like some people did, still don’t have their ObamaCare Accounts.
• LATE NIGHT COMMEDIAN JAY LENO, who says, How many of you are worried about the government starting back up?,” still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• VONDA PICKENS, whose “Overpasses for Obama’s Impeachment” Protesters need to disrupt more traffic in Northern Kentucky, still doesn’t have her ObamaCare Account.
• BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO, who says everybody’s worried about the economic catastrophe to chili parlors in Covington while all of Obama’s IRS Agents will be getting paid to stay home, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• NORTHERN KENTUCKY CHAMBER OF COMMERCE PRESIDENT STEVE STEVENS, who resigned in sympathy for all those furloughed IRS Agents, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• KENTUCKY U.S. SENATOR BITCH MCCONNELL, who says he sure wishes the Government Shutdown would end so Republicans could get back to the business of gutting the government, doesn’t have to worry about his ObamaCare Account because Members of Congress are exempt.
• MATT BEVIN, who’s still waiting for an endorsement from the Boondoggle County GOP, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• DELOVELY DEMOCRAT SENATE CANDIDATE ALISON WUNDERGAMS GRIMES, who wonders if ObamaCare covers varicose veins, still doesn’t have her ObamaCare Account.
• OUR GOOD FRIEND, KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS, who’s getting ready to send us our link for this week’s “This Week in Kenton County Circuit Court” with all those pictures of druggies, scumbags, suspected hookers, and even a few pedophiles, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• THAT CABAL OF NOKY ATTORNEYS STILL OUT TO DESTROY ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS INCLUDING LOVELY LISA WELLS (THE ATTORNEY WHO REPLACED CRAZY ERIC ON WLW HATE RADIO), who wonder if The Fishwrap is making it look like “Crazy Eric” Deters is breaking his suspension by quoting him in stories, still don’t have their ObamaCare Accounts.
• RICK “THE BATBOY” ROBINSON, who’s busy trying to get his old boss “BeanBall Jim” Bunning a job as a greeter at Wal-Mart, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• NoKY ANARCHISTS, who say the TEA Party is definitely giving them a bad name, still don’t have their ObamaCare Accounts.
• HORNY IN HEBRON, who forgot to e-mail us our Friday Porn Package yesterday, still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.
• FINALLY, BELOVED WHISTLEBLOWER PUBLISHER CHARLES FOSTER KANE, who says, “I don’t need health insurance because I don’t get sick, I make other people sick,” still doesn’t have his ObamaCare Account.

REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.

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