Friday, September 20, 2013
Still Not Ready to Be President
- In 2008, the Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane warned what would happen if Americans voted to elevate one of the least experienced presidential candidates in history to the Oval Office. Now consider Obama’s Silly Syrian Strategy. It was a batch of mixed messages to the American people and a Congressional sales pitch that convinced more people to vote against his proposal than in favor. Obama’s had five years of on-the-job-training, and America still has a president whose foreign policy can only be described as one debacle after another.
Someone else who foretold what kind of president Obama would be was Richard Pryor. Thirty-two years ago that black comedian showed us what the first black president would be like. 32 years ago? That’s like a Nostradamus prediction.
- JUSTICE DELAYED: A Texas appeals court on Thursday overturned the money-laundering conviction for our good friend, former Republican House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, saying in a ruling that DeLay had been acquitted. He had been sentenced to three years behind bars, but his sentence was on hold during the appeals process.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose President Ronald Reagan’s U.S. Secretary of Labor Ray Donovan’s “Which office do I go to get my reputation back?” after his acquittal.
- OBAMACARE UPDATE: ObamaCare is about to go into effect in about ten days. Remember when Nancy Pelosi said Congress “Would have to pass the law to find out what’s in it,” Joe Biden said, “This is fucking great,” and Obama when asked about ObamaCare’s tanking approval numbers said, “Yes, Everybody’s wrong?” New Yorkers generally lean left. Let’s listen to what they say about ObamaCare.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1519 Magellan started the first successful circumnavigation of the world. But our good friend Bobby Leach wonders if it was true that Magellan was not circumcised.
- WITH THE GAY SQUEAL OF APPROVAL: Whistleblower Alternative Lifestyle Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis asked us to remind everybody about Friday’s big Gay Tug-of-War battle between Star Wars and Star Trek fans in Washington Park in honor of George Takei’s appearance with the Pops Opener this weekend where Deceased Gay Stargazer Jack Horkheimer Wannabe Dean Regas from the Cincinnati Observatory will also be officiating.
THE CINCINNATI MESS (You’ll only read about in The Blower): After reading The Fishwrap’s latest puff piece about Jeffrey Blackwell, Cincinnati’s Greatest Police Chief Since Disgraced Former Fourteen-Star Police Chief James Craig Left For Detroit, our Siren Blasting Snitch says wouldn’t it be funny if he was currently the target of a federal grand jury investigation for misappropriation of DHS resources and a generator supplied by DHS was recovered from his house? Under these circumstances, any Cincinnati police officer would be relieved of his police powers and confined to limited duty, if not placed on administrative leave pending resolution of the investigation. How does one lead a police agency while under active investigation by federal authorities for felony crimes? Word is, the new chief’s daughter is on the most wanted list in Columbus, Ohio. Command officers and others are asking what in the hell is going on! All media sources are aware of this situation, yet the only one to ask any questions is Local 12, and it is being ignored by all the others. Even WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham has ignored the issue and treated Blackwell with kid gloves. Maybe Willie doesn’t want to be called a “racist.”
Blackwell’s messages to date have been textbook, bullshit responses that are shallow and meaningless. They lack any strategic forethought and are shallow at best. The Blower hears the PD in Columbus are aghast that he was selected as chief here and are laughing their asses off at our selection for police chief. We hope it’s not too soon for The Blower to say, “We told you so.”
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VITUPEROUS VIPERS: Wednesday night, the Women League of Vipers held their long-awaited meaningless forum in Anderson Township and went out of their way to make sure their questions attacked the Township’s Conservative Base.
Our Anderson Snitch, probably not Duffy “The Kevin Slayer” Beischel, says first The Vipers packed the room with radical left-wing environmental whackos from KABOOM who are still opposing the Martin Marietta mine in Anderson Township, the kind who live in Terrace Park and support their resident U.S. Senator with his “Gays are OK” Policy, just because his son is now wants to marry the boy next door. To the Vipers, outsiders were good, because the moderator lives in the City of Cincinnati. The KABOOMers still don’t get the facts that the township has nothing to do with the blasting, the Martin Marietta case is still in the courts, and when misinformed candidates and insincere incumbents take sides, they open the township to costly liability issues.
Thankfully, the camera does not lie and viewers watched how Disgraceful DemocRAT Candidate Horse Doctor John Piehowcz kept looking over Endorsed Republican Andrew Pappas’ shoulder to read the notes on Andy’s Ipad. Piehowicz said he was NON-partisan, but forgot that up to a few months ago he was Anderson’s DemocRAT Ward Chairman.
Andy looked dashing-and-debonair in his newly dry-cleaned suit but, had to leave the debate quickly after it ended so he could get back to his Cleaner Concept dry cleaning store at 7857 Beechmont Avenue and get the suit ready, just in case the owner stopped by to pick it up the next morning. This week’s video from Andy is shown here.
Whacky Jackie O’Brien’s illegitimate Son Kevin didn’t have a friend in the room, but he claimed credit for everything good that had ever happened in the township since the Forest Hills Urinal enabled him get elected for years ago, while forgetting the fact that each of those wonderful things that had happened required a majority vote of the two other trustees, and made sure the audience knew he voted against something Liberals in the audience would’ve been against. Kevin also failed to mention his many lawsuits, his announced plans to file bankruptcy, sanctions by FINRA, his increased court-ordered bond to serve in public office, and his tussle with “Spanky” in a Wellborn woman’s car. Should the election not go his way, our Masturbating Trustee could always “What’s My Perversion,” host a new game show on Anderson Community Cable TV.
By the time the audience left in a huff, we overhead: “We need to join outgoing trustee Peggy Reis on whatever bar stool she’s retiring to, because after watching this crowd, we’ll need a lot of pain killer to drink, too.”
CAUGHT BREAKING THE LAW: Our City Hall Snitch says one of the worst things about public officials (and people running for office, for that matter) is when they don’t obey the same laws they expect everybody else to obey, like when they park in a handicapped parking space. How stupid was Former Channel 9 “Substantially True News” Trollop Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin’ when she left campaign signs on her car so everybody would know how little regard she has for the law? - BLUEGRASS BUFFOONERY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says when Dead Dog DemocRAT Nathan “Cornbread” Smith hosts tonight’s silly fundraiser for Alison Wondergams Grimes at his house in Fort Mitchell tonight, many people will been comparing tonight’s event with the fundraiser “Cornbread” hosted for Hillary in 2008, and whether Bluegrass Liberals will be talking about yesterday’s story in the Daily Mail about Hillary’s former rival, Bill Clinton’s former mistress Gennifer Flowers, who’s now telling the press Bill Clinton told her, “Hillary had eaten more pussy than he had.”
After Hillary’s 2008 visit, The CamBoozler wrote while the Dysfunctional DemocRATS were engaged and enthralled with Hillary at the Cornbread Estates, listening to a boring ass policy speech, smart Republicans were doing Jager Bombs with Chelsea at the Saddle Club, like Blackjack Richmond and The Robster, who has become Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders. We also heard that Michael “Liquid” Plummer was the honorary valet for the Hillary event. Liquid Plummer tells us that some of the cars he parked belonged to Steve “I’m 5’0″ not 4’11” Megerle and Patsy Crowley, and also Jay Fossett’s Pee-Wee Herman bike.
It wasn’t that Hillary’s supporters were a bunch of white racists, but this time when they sang “My Old Kentucky Home,” they didn’t delete the part about the “Gay Darkies.”
Fawning Fishwrapper Patsy Crowley said, “How was I supposed to know ‘Cornbread’ wasn’t really an uncommitted super-duper delegate, just because Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane said it had been reported in The Blower after Miss Vicki’s Halloween Party last year? People who know “Cornbread” best say he’s a political whore’s political whore. High praise indeed, even for a Trailer Park Owner.
Stories We’re Working On
Boehner Says House Will Pass Continuing Resolution That Defunds ObamaCare- Majority of Americans Want Return To 2009 Pre-Obamacare Health Care System
- IRS Employees Were “Acutely” Aware Obama Wanted Them To Crack Down On Conservative Groups
- Libs Want To Designate Ugly People As A “Protected Class,” Create Affirmative Action Programs For The Hideous
- Cincinnati’s Child-Poverty Rate Among Worst In US
- Obama Says “Amnesty is My Number One Priority”
- Reds Still in Third Place, Two-and-a-Half Games Out With Only Nine Games to Go
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said people will be celebrating the Autumnal Equinox in Cincinnati this weekend:
(A) Rooting for the Reds in Pittsburgh: 2%
(B) Seeing what happens when the Bungals play a real team like the Packers: 1%
(C) Doing the “Chicken Dance”: 1%
(D) Wondering if this is the weekend we set our clocks back: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
More Conservative Political Cartoons
Cheers for Beers
This week, everybody who wonders how they can call it Oktoberfest if it’s in September, faxed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Floyd Schnitzelflogger from Florence, KY, who likes Oktoberfest on Mainstrasse in Covington better, because at the one in Downtown Cincinnati this weekend, not as many girls will show you their breasts.
Floyd won his own Porto-let, a chicken to dance with, and a copy of this year’s “Girls Gone Wild” tape made at the Mainstrasse Village Pub. His winning entry is:
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
That excuse to chug suds and keep abreast
Of all things mammarian. So let’s squeeze some jugs
As we give lots of hugs,
And chicken-dance with those of ample chest.
Jeff Ruby writes
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
When you can wear lederhosen undt ein leather vest
You can guzzle the suds,
In your fake German duds,
But remember to avoid that sobriety test.
“TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman writes
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
Mit lager undt chicken dances, it was the best!
Ve know der Queen City is Kraut,
But isn’t this beer fest worn out?
Gott in Himmel! Can’t they give it a rest?
Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson writes
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
A festival that beats all the rest
There’s Krauts in short pants
And the rubber chicken dance
They’d love you to come as their guest!
And here’s a dishonorable mention from Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis:
At Oktoberfest you’re allowed to drink beer,
And dress up in real German gear.
You can wear lederhosen
And Birkenstocks to put your toes in,
But if you bend over, you better cover your rear.
And this Five-stanza Limerick from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked):
It’s time once again for Oktoberfest
Mit sauerkraut, brats and the rest.
Cherman guys in short pants
Doing the lederhosen chicken dance
Believe me, I don’t want to be a pest.
But why don’t we have an event
Where money on beer is not spent.
There’s whiskey and wine
And tequila so fine
And on those we can spend every cent.
Now as far as my limericks are concerned
Some people’s dislike I’ve earned
I try to be nice
But take my advice
Be careful, ’cause a poet can get burned.
By some I am loved, by others I’m hated
To a moron I’m occasionally equated
But my poems are my art
Even though I’m not very smart
I just want my poetic license reinstated.
So I’ll say “Auf wiedersehn,” my friends
This is where my limerick ends
Enjoy Oktoberfest
My critique is in jest
I’ve been there in my lederhosen Depends.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When the Reds don’t clinch the pennant this year”
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our September fund-raising drive from Oktoberfest Zinzinnati, which we will not guarantee you might hear something about during the upcoming weekend.
IGNORING OKTOBERFEST HOT LINE
E-mail your alternate activities today
Some Aryan Supreme items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Aryan Supreme subscribers.
Whistleblower Link of the Day
Boehner Video Mocks Obama for Negotiating With Putin But Not GOP
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